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There were people still waiting outside, in fact, a there were a few more than before, some even standing as there weren’t enough chairs.
We walked away from the cabin and I didn’t even look at where we were going. Just toward the trees, eagerly seeking out a place of refuge from others’ eyes.
While I was happy that Kota had found the answer we’d been looking for to keep the team together, I still wasn’t sure how he felt, especially after what had happened that morning. He’d used our circumstances as an excuse to keep me around, my safety being his biggest concern.
Given my outburst the night before, they had no alternative. No girl team could step in on my behalf, working so closely, without me being uncomfortable. A single guy joining me couldn’t do it alone. I needed more guys, and their group was the one that brought me in. They were technically stuck with me.
The council had called it a starter team, but it gave us time to work things out before we would be called on again to talk about my future within the Academy.
I walked beside Kota in silence, afraid to speak. I stared at our feet, wondering why he’d chosen to say the things he had. He’d been so adamant before. He didn’t want me in the team any longer because of my situation, and now suddenly he’d used it to keep me in.
It wasn’t until Kota started to slow, and wind away from the path that I lifted up my head and looked around. We were at a picnic area, and it took me a minute to recognize it to be the same one we’d sat in a few nights before.
The night where we’d kissed for the first time.
My heart dropped as he headed toward the bench. I didn’t want to ruin this place, the memory I had, if he was going to tell me off here.
I climbed up, sitting beside him and wrapped my arms around my stomach, waiting for the worst. I’d seen breakups at school. Usually, they involved yelling, accusations, and at the end, the couple parting and walking away, angry and sometimes even swearing. Sometimes, it was done quietly with text messages, one person complaining to friends about the news.
Kota rubbed his hands together and then stuck them into his jacket pockets, looking at the ground. “I guess you made it in,” he said, his voice light in tone. “Congratulations.”
I wanted to tell him thank you, but I couldn’t get my lips to move, and my voice was gone. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. I had already done the wrong thing and didn’t want to make it worse.
“Sang,” he said, his voice soft now.
Tears filled my eyes, tears I was sure I’d used up the night before, but now they came back, fresh and ready to spill over.
“Sang, don’t look like that,” he said even softer.
I bit my lip, trying to hold it in, not turn into a mess. I sniffed hard, trying my best, but once the first tear rolled down my cheek, the guilt overwhelmed me and I was done. My win with the council and getting into the Academy didn’t matter if Kota didn’t like me anymore.
A gentle hand rested on my spine. “Sang,” he whispered.
I stilled. I wanted him to forgive me, but I couldn’t get the words out.
The hand on my spine shifted to my shoulder and tugged me toward him.
“Come here,” he said.
That was it. I broke down completely, sobbing loudly against his shoulder. I bawled, unable to speak, unable to explain or defend myself at all.
I should have told him. I was a terrible Academy member. I kept secrets from the people I cared about most.
I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, afraid that it would be the last time.
He held me quietly, his palms rubbing my back lightly.
I cried until I couldn’t breathe and had to stop to catch my breath. I sucked in every bit of that scent of sweet spice I could.
When I’d finally quieted, Kota spoke softly into my ear. “I wish you would have told me,” he said.
“I tried,” I croaked out. “The guys...they said they wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you this week when I said we should...”
“How...how long have you been talking about this with them?”
I sniffed, backing away from him so I could wipe my eyes and stop soaking his nice shirt with my tears. I used the sleeve of my sweater. “Since around Gabriel’s birthday. We went to go see Lily.”
His head tilted, an eyebrow going up over the rim of his glasses. “Who’s Lily?”
Had they not told him about her? “She...she’s another bird with all guys on her team. North and Mr. Blackbourne went to see them before, to ask them how they did it. Only...only Gabriel, Luke and I didn’t know and went to see them ourselves. She talked to me about it. She told me about how they did it.”
He slowly reached back into his pocket. He pulled out an iPhone.
It had a pink case. The glass was cracked on the surface.
The crack must have happened the night Gabriel broke my tent. Kota had my phone the whole time?
“I got your message,” he said. “And...I didn’t mean to look, but I couldn’t help it.”
“Message?”
“The one you sent from Gabriel’s phone,” he said. He swiped at the screen but didn’t turn it on. “The one where you asked them to tell me something.”
What happened to Gabriel looking for him? “Did...did they not find you?”
“I didn’t want to be found,” he said, frowning. “And I had to prepare for your interview, but I needed some time to go calm down.” He smirked a little. “Had to count to nearly a thousand.”
They’d never reached him! He’d returning on his own; that had to mean something.
“You came back, though,” I said. “You vouched for me with the Academy.”
He looked up at me. “Sweetheart, I knew you were dating the others,” he said.
My lips parted. “What? I...”
“I know Dr. Green kissed you,” he said. “It was you in the pictures. I know the others do, too. They talk about it sometimes when they don’t think I’m in the room, but I’ve overheard them. I know you’ve been on a few dates.” He shrugged a little. “I guess, at first, I just thought...that was normal. Dating, right? Sometimes, you have to date other people to find the one you want.”
I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, afraid to speak.
He looked down at his jeans, picking off some dirt that had collected in a fold. “You’ve never committed to any of them, from what I understood. It was just dating because I know they wouldn’t want to step on each other’s toes over a girl. We’ve never had a problem with that before. And for a while, I guess I put the idea of dating you out of my head. I wanted to give you d
istance to not overwhelm you. But then you kissed me and it changed everything. I assumed there was something of a commitment in it. It was wrong of me to assume.”
“It wasn’t wrong,” I said in a quick rush, wanting to explain everything to him quickly before he learned it from anyone else. “I just never told you the whole story. Or the plan.”
“I know you’ve been working on trying to keep us together,” he said. “Like researching other teams. I saw that Marc sent you a message.”
I nodded. “Yes, and then there’s Lily.”
“Yeah,” he said. “How come they didn’t tell me about this Lily? Was it a dead end? Did it not work out for their group?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said, and then lowered my voice. “No, not a dead end. It was an answer. Maybe. For us.”
His eyebrows lifted together. “How?”
I sucked in a breath, letting it out in a rush. The other guys might have wanted to tell him, but maybe it didn’t matter who he learned it from. He needed to know.
Before I could speak, a voice shouted from the path. “Found him!”
We looked up. It was Gabriel and Luke. They came running. Gabriel was in the same clothes as before, without even a jacket, though Luke had thrown one on over his pajamas.
“Oy! Don’t be mad at her,” Gabriel said and then looked at me, which made me instantly tear up.
“No, no, no...” Gabriel said as he pointed a finger at Kota, at the same time grabbing my arm and tugging me toward him. “Don’t you dare make her fucking cry. So help me, I’ll kick your ass. This was our fault. You can’t blame her.”
“I didn’t,” Kota said, stepping off the table. “Hang on a second.”
Gabriel came over to me, picked me up on his shoulder, pulling me away. “Nope,” he said. “She’s cried enough. Don’t say anything to her you’re going to regret. We need to talk to you first.”
“Put her down,” Kota said in his commanding voice. “We were talking.”
I hung upside down on Gabriel's shoulder, unable to find my voice as it was hard enough to breathe. I tried smacking at his butt, but it didn’t seem to affect him.
