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He was using such a soothing voice. He thought I was just tired and overwrought. He didn’t understand.
I couldn’t speak, but inside, I was screaming.
I can’t go. Please, don’t make me.
I gripped his shoulder and pressed my face into his shoulder. I was too weak to hold stronger, and my throat closed up.
“No spiders,” he said, his voice rising. “Sang, stop panicking. What’s wrong with you? It’s just a shower.”
There was something terribly wrong with me.
Water splashed down onto my face as Kota held me.
Blackness swallowed me up.
???
“Princess,” Victor’s voice sounded far away.
It felt like he’d woken me from a deep sleep and I struggled to remember why I’d been so tired.
Hands were on my shoulders, but I was lying on something cold and hard. I was wet, and confused, wondering why I was so cold.
The hands gently shook my shoulders. “Sang,” Victor called again, sounding closer this time. “Wake up.”
I couldn’t for some reason. Maybe I was dreaming. My return from sleep took so much effort, and I was using that effort to breathe, and I couldn’t breathe enough for my lungs to feel full, and to give me the energy to wake further.
“I don’t understand,” Kota’s voice echoed, but it was strange. High pitched. “I thought she was overtired and worried about maybe being alone after today and didn’t like the dirty shower, or was worried about spiders.”
“Spiders? Sang?” Victor scoffed, his voice getting louder. “Didn’t she tell you no?”
“Yeah,” Kota said, the power gone from his voice. “But I thought if I went in with her, she'd see it was okay.”
“When does she ever tell you no?” Victor asked, his voice firm. “Ever? You should have listened to her.” My body was shaken again. “Sang. Come on. Wake up.”
I moaned, too cold to move. My lip trembled. I was awake, but my body was stiff. I couldn’t lift my own arms.
A towel was wrapped around my body. Victor pulled me to sit up. I could smell the moss and berries.
“We should get a doctor,” Kota said. “Maybe it’s her blood pressure. The hot water...”
“It’s not the temperature,” Victor bit out. I’d never heard him so angry, so loud. “She can’t take showers.”
“What are you talking about?”
Victor held me, held my cheek, warming me a little with the towel wrapped around me. “Don’t cry,” he said softly. “I’ll take you home.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until then. I sniffed and tried to whisper. “I was trying to wash up,” I said. “North...so North’s Jeep wouldn’t get dirty.”
If they’d give me a minute, I could wash. I’d do anything they wanted. Just not the shower.
Victor kissed my forehead. “No, Princess. You can ride home with me. We’ll go to my house.” He picked me up, holding me close. “I’ve got that big tub, remember? You can stay in there all day. I don't care if my car gets dirty.”
“Wait,” Kota said, and I sensed him moving closer, blocking Victor. “I don’t understand. What happened to her? Why can’t she take a shower? What’s this about?”
“How would you feel if your mother tied you up in the shower, with the water running over your face for hours and hours and left you there, not caring if you died?” Victor said, his voice firm, but not as loud as before. “How do you think you’d feel about showers then?”
“But...she...never said...”
“She was embarrassed,” Victor said. “But she told me. At the time, we were dealing with Volto, and she said she didn’t want to bother anyone with it.”
“Then you should have told us.”
“It wasn’t life and death at the time, and she wanted to tell you herself,” Victor explained and I was so grateful that he could speak for me. “She can take baths, and it wasn’t interfering with her health, so I let her take her time with it. She’s had enough to deal with. What she doesn’t need is you not listening to her when she says no to something. Now get out of my way.”
There was no resistance from Kota and Victor walked toward the door.
Silas was there, holding the door open, looking in.
I was wrapped well in a towel, and then another one, so I was covered, but knowing Silas was nearby, and probably the others, too, I buried my head into Victor’s shoulder, ashamed to look at any of them. Afraid to see even more strangers’ faces who would wonder why Victor had to carry me in a towel.
He walked endlessly, and I kept my eyes firmly closed and just held on, breathing in his calming scent.
When he slowed, I opened my eyes to find Silas had run ahead of us, and now was holding Victor’s front passenger door open.
Victor placed me inside, tightening the towel around my body.
“Princess,” he said, and he put a warm hand on my forehead, focusing on my face. The fire of his eyes had risen to an inferno. “You’ll be okay. I’m taking you to my house. Are you okay with that?”
I nodded.
He looked over his shoulder, to somewhere I couldn’t see, and then back at me. “The others are going to follow us. They are going to stay nearby. Are you fine with that?”
I nodded again. They all had to know now that I was messed up. More than they could have imagined.
He leaned in, kissed my lips softly and then strapped me in with the seatbelt. “Hang in there,” he said. “We’re leaving.”
I settled back into the seat, my eyes closing. I didn’t want to see any more.
???
It took a while before Victor returned. Kota and Gabriel got into the back seat. Victor started the car and backed up out of the camp site.
I was the worst camper ever.
The drive was quiet the whole way. I stared ahead at the road, the towel wrapped around my body like a blanket. The wetness of the bra and underwear was chilly, but I eventually warmed. It was a little uncomfortable, but I was unable to move to get them off. Victor held the wheel tightly, his knuckles nearly white, as he sped along. I could only guess how many miles an hour he was over the speed limit, but it felt like a lot.
I couldn’t look at Kota and Gabriel. Staring ahead was all I could do.
It felt like eons before we were finally rolling through downtown Charleston streets. I covered myself more, thinking strangers c
ould look in and see that I was basically naked.
When we were finally at Victor’s large yellow house, the entrance gates opened for us. Victor parked the car as close to the house as he could, one of the front wheels in the yard. He threw the car into park and jumped out immediately, leaving his door open. The car dinged to remind him the keys were still in the ignition.
Before Kota or Gabriel could even move, Victor had yanked open my door, had my seatbelt off and was already pulling me out of the car.
“I’ll take her,” Gabriel said in a small voice.
“Go run ahead of us,” Victor commanded, a tone as strong as the one Kota usually used. “Go fill the tub. I’ll bring her up.” He lifted me carefully out, so he could scoop me up, an arm under my knees and another at my back.
Gabriel ran off, disappearing into the house.
“I can help,” Kota said, somewhere out of view. “Let me carry her.”
“You’ve done enough,” Victor spat back at him. “Hasn’t she been through enough this week? Then you had to go and force her into the shower.”
“I didn’t know,” Kota said, sounding helpless. “She should have trusted me enough to tell me she was afraid...”
Victor stopped on his path toward the door to face Kota full on. “You should have listened,” he barked. He held me tighter to his body. “She told you no. She has never, ever, told you no, even when she’s not sure of what she wants. This girl would rather suffer in silence, would rather go through hell than disappoint you. We told her to go with the girls, and she did, even though it killed her to do it. We ask her to go into danger with Mr. Hendricks all the time, and she does. Now the one time she’s telling you not to make her do something, you don’t listen to her? How is she supposed to trust you when you do something like that?”
I loved Victor for defending me. I did. I loved Kota, too. I wanted to tell him so. He’d made a mistake. I wasn’t as upset as Victor was. It also wasn’t totally his fault, as I put myself in such a position.
Kota said nothing. He bowed his head, looking at the ground.
Victor readjusted me in his arms. He was strong, but he couldn’t hold on to me forever. “I can’t even talk to you right now. I’ve got to get her upstairs.”
