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He was almost envious of her having a relaxing day at the mall. Sean waved goodbye to Jessica. “Be safe.”
“Are you going to be around for Kota’s birthday?”
Oh crap. Kota’s birthday. He corrected his smile, hoping she hadn’t noticed him faltering as he was trying to remember what day it was. “Oh...yeah. We’ve got a surprise for him.”
“With makeup remover?”
He laughed. “No, that’s for Sang.”
She brightened. “Is she planning something?”
“Sure is.” He winked at her. “Don’t tell Kota. Okay?”
Jessica closed the door on him, and he could hear her skipping through the house.
Kota. Crap. His birthday.
Now he’d have to come up with something for Sang. She had enough to deal with, but she wouldn’t want to miss it. He’d have to think about what they could do.
Especially if she was stuck in that house with Carol.
Pulse
SANG
The headband Dr. Green brought me covered most of my hair. The rest I made into a messy bun that I held together with a clip.
The makeup I managed to wipe off, and I got the eyelashes off. It took so much effort that my face felt raw and my eyes felt weird. I wondered if I should have just stuck it out and worn the makeup for the day. I wasn’t sure how girls did it, but was sure it was mostly my inexperience.
The pajama shirt’s soft material was nice, but part of me was too anxious to enjoy it. The dress hanging in the bathroom waited for me. I didn’t totally dislike it, but it represented a new reality for me, one that I was slow at accepting. Even if I had time off from them like this, I’d always have to be ready.
If Carol went to the diner, looking for me...
If Jimmy went to the diner...
I tried to stop playing out the hundreds of different scenarios that might happen. I trusted that the others would notify me if anything changed.
I sat on the leather couch in the living room. My feet were under my body, and I curled up as comfortably as I could.
Sean sat next to me on the couch in the middle. He placed a leather kit on the coffee table and pulled out a blood pressure cuff, stethoscope and other supplies.
He bent toward me, looking at my face, smiling. “Ready for your close-up?”
I giggled.
He gave me an eye and made a face. “Stop. Before I start.”
I swallowed back the urge to giggle anymore.
He started by checking my eyes and asking me questions.
While he remained professional, each touch lingered. His playful expression never faded. Every look, every moment with him, I wanted to giggle, but I held it as best as I could.
Nathan eventually came in, wearing only a pair of jeans and a red tank shirt that accentuated his arms and shoulders. He sat on the floor across the coffee table.
His reddish hair appeared wet, as if he’d showered, but I hadn’t heard the shower running. He watched while I was asked various questions about the week at camp.
I shared looks with him on occasion, but often, he stared at the table or at Dr. Green. He had dark circles under his eyes and leaned heavily on the coffee table. I imagined he hadn’t slept very well, much like the rest of us.
I’d gotten used to sleeping and staying at his house. It was odd to be back, and still not yet back at all.
“You ate mostly Pop Tarts all week?” Nathan finally asked. “You should have said something. We could have gotten you something better.”
Dr. Green chuckled. “It was camp. You’re lucky I didn’t eat s’mores all week.”
“Pop Tarts and that mocha coffee would be a lot of sugar right in the morning,” Nathan said.
“Your blood pressure is low,” Dr. Green said to me. He took out a vial and needle. “And from what I remember, every time I’ve checked, it’s been on the low side. Low blood pressure... spikes in your sugar every morning... high stress...”
My cheeks heated. I didn’t want to hide the thought that the shower had triggered something that caused me to faint. I stared at my knees. “I fainted before at Victor’s house, trying to take a shower.”
Sean reached for my hand, drawing it toward his body to hold close, and getting my attention so I was looking at him. “You, sweetheart, have had a lot of crazy things happen to you, yes. However, I don’t think the shower by itself is completely to blame for the fainting. You fainted before outside of the shower areas, remember?”
“At gym,” Nathan said before I could. “While she was doing exercises.”
I remembered that and suddenly questioned my own belief. I might have felt strange going to take a shower, but maybe I had fainted for other reasons.
Dr. Green squeezed my hand gently. “I get that the shower is the cause of stress, but stress throws lots and lots of cortisol into your system. With low blood pressure, if you’re breathing too rapidly, and have lots of sugar in your system, or no food at all in your system, it can cause fainting. When you were exercising at gym, you weren’t mentally stressed, but overtired and weak and causing yourself physical stress.”
North appeared from the kitchen. I wondered if he’d been listening. It was the first time I’d seen him since last night. He seemed tired, too, and wore the same clothes. His chin was shadowed with stubble. He motioned to Nathan. “Come help me with something.”
“You should be sleeping,” Nathan said and put pressure on the coffee table until he stood up. They went out into the garage, followed by the sound of the door closing.
What were they doing? Nathan was right, North needed some sleep. He’d been up all night.
Dr. Green drew my hand closer to his chest. He brushed his fingertips along my wrist. “Don’t worry about them. We should talk alone for a bit. Tell me what happens when you get close to a shower. What do you think?”
“I...dislike it,” I said quietly.
He waited patiently, holding my hand. “It’s okay. It’s just us now. Tell me.”
I breathed out slowly, looking at his chest. The way he stroked the soft skin at my wrist relaxed me. “I sometimes think of my mom. Or...Mr. McCoy...”
“The shower triggers the memory of what happened to you?”
My face and neck heated and I nodded. I hadn’t forgotten, but I tried not to think about it. Did it matter anymore? It wasn’t happening now. Not looking right at his face made it easier to talk about it. I swallowed heavily.
“It’s okay,” he said. “When something harsh happens to us, trigger points may get set up.” His fingers slowed until he was holding my wrist warmly. “The girls at cam
p. They triggered other feelings, right?”
I nodded again. “Jade,” I said softly. “And my mother...just...”
“You’ve had a lot of women do horrible things to you in your life,” he said. “You’ve made a connection between girls and those bad things.”
“I know the girls at camp are good. They didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know,” he said with a soft smile. “Sang, sweetie, how do you feel when you’re with us? With any of us?”
The question spurred my heart to race again, but in a different direction. Somehow I assumed he meant the plan to be together, and how I might feel romantically about them. “I...”
“Do you feel comfortable?” he asked, his green eyes gleaming, but soft and genuine. “Do we stress you out?”
“No,” I said quickly, certain about it. “I feel better with you all.”
“Better?”
I wasn’t sure how to explain it. “I didn’t like being away from any of you while at camp. I felt better when I was sure one of you was around. Even though I know we shouldn’t sneak the guys up to the attic while we’re dealing with Carol and what’s going on there, I hate the thought of being by myself up there.”
He leaned in on the couch, closer to me. He held his palm against my palm, warming my skin. “Have there been any other causes of stress for you?”
“I was worried about the Academy council. I didn’t want them to say I had to leave our group. I was worried about our...plan. That they would find out and wouldn’t understand it.”
He smiled and interlocked his fingers with mine. “Does the plan bother you? Does it stress you out?”
“Not in the same way.”
“Not like the shower and how it can trigger memories?”
I shook my head. “Nothing like that. Most of the time I’m worried about...how everyone will feel, and...” I couldn’t find the specific words to go over with him. I felt so strongly about all of them.
Including him.
I was excited to be near him, eager to stay, wanting to say everything I was thinking so he’d understand.
He leaned in a little closer. “Maybe you should ask us.”
“Ask?”
