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It was an ambiguous entry for the list I was making, but I knew exactly what I meant. I wanted to ask Kota and the others directly about how they felt and what they were thinking about the plan. I needed to know.
After that, I quickly went through other things on my mind.
Once I was at a point where I couldn’t think to add any more, Mr. Blackbourne gazed at my list upside down. “Finished?”
“I think so.”
He offered his hand, palm open, and at first I thought he wanted my hand, but his gaze stayed on the notebook. I passed it to him.
The sliding door opened, Victor leaned in, phone to his ear and checked in with Mr. Blackbourne. “Do we care about color?”
“Same shade as the diner,” Mr. Blackbourne said without looking up. “We want people to ignore it. If they don’t have it, we’ll paint it.”
Victor spoke into the phone. “Does it come in blue?” He shut the door and his voice was muffled again as he stepped away.
I looked at the door, only hearing Victor’s voice but not really what he was saying. They were buying something that sounded so expensive...so I’d have a place to retreat to safely, and they could stay nearby. Just because Jimmy had come by today.
It sounded like a lot to do just for me.
Were we going to be able to keep up?
Mr. Blackbourne proceeded to go over the list. He tore the page out of the notebook, setting it aside on the bed. He kept the notebook and then spoke to me. “Tell me the top three most urgent things on this list.”
I stared blankly at the page. There were many items, and they all seemed important. How was I supposed to choose?
He waited and then used the pen against the original list. “If you need help, I could cross off the things that don’t need attention right now.”
I eagerly nodded.
He started by pointing the pen at each thing. “Academy tryouts,” he said and then marked an X near it. “They won’t prepare anything like that until we’ve told them you’re ready for it. We’re busy right now. This can wait.”
Would they disqualify me because I was inconvenient? Yet Mr. Blackbourne had always been adamant about me joining the Academy in the first place. I imagined if he said it could wait, then it could.
There was a small section about the school, Mr. Hendricks and even Volto. He boxed those together and he put an X near the box. “Important. Not critical. There’s a time and place for this. Now is not it.”
He continued down the list, showing me what he marked off, checking my reaction. Most of the things I’d considered to be on my mind, he calmed me by suggesting I should think about it later, or it wasn’t important, or it was something they were working on but that didn’t require my attention.
It was the way he worked over the list that I was drawn to. He studied it, considered every thought I had very carefully and didn’t make me feel silly about any of it. He simply put my mind at ease.
There were a few items on the page that he starred. Joining the Academy. He pointed to that line. “This is a goal, and it is important to you in the long run. It isn’t in our control at this time, though. We’ll keep it in mind, but there’s nothing actionable here.”
He hesitated over the line about asking everyone how they felt. He read it, seemed ready to mark an X next to it and then paused. “I assumed this was asking Marie or Carol how they feel, but I don’t think that’s what you meant.”
I adjusted how I was sitting, pulling my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs to hug them close to me. The headboard provided support. “Dr. Green said I shouldn’t worry about how the guys feel...that I should ask them.” My cheeks heated so much, and I felt the same warmth traveling down my neck, spreading everywhere. “I’m not sure if it is really important, though.”
He hesitated, hovering the pen over the list I’d made. I waited for him to make an X.
Instead, he redirected the pen to the clean sheet of paper.
He wrote down a numeral one, and next to it, he added: Taking time to ask everyone how they feel.
“We’ll go over this in a minute,” he said quietly. “Let’s focus on the rest.”
By the end, he’d only added two more items to the fresh sheet of paper: ensuring a regular schedule out of the house, and figuring out how to get Carol’s approval to go to a private school.
“Your father, we already know, wishes to send you and your sister to a private school,” Mr. Blackbourne said. This was third on the list of items, but he started with it. “This is a long-term goal we all share at the moment.”
I sighed softly in reaction to “long-term.” I hadn’t meant to be so obvious, or to sound rude, and I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth sheepishly.
He raised an eyebrow, with a steel glint in his eyes. “You disapprove?”
I lowered my hand shortly to speak. “I just wish it wouldn’t take too long,” I said quickly and then covered my mouth again.
He put the notebook down in his lap and focused on me with that intense gaze, no other expression on his face. My heart went wild. I wasn’t sure if he was displeased.
“What if it does?” he asked in a soft tone.
The question froze my brain the moment he asked it. I stared at him and then lowered my eyes to the maroon tie, the knot at his neck.
What if it did? What if it took two years? Or even longer?
What if I was stuck in that house forever?
The worst thoughts trampled through my brain.
He recoiled for a moment and then shook it off. He reached for me, quickly collecting my chin in his fingers and drawing me out of my deep thoughts.
His gaze turned more silver, his lips tilting down at the edges.
“What I meant was, if it takes a month, will you give up?”
Give up? Did he mean stay with Carol? Or simply walk out of the house recklessly? I blinked, shaking my head slowly against his fingers.
He held on for only a second before releasing me, but he leaned in a little closer until his chest was an inch from my knees that were drawn up between us. “If it takes two, will you want to stop and give up?”
“No,” I said quietly, although I wasn’t sure I meant it. However, when I thought abo
ut it, what was the alternative? Breaking down and storming out? That could result in explosions for the guys, not just myself. As much as I wanted to hurry things along, did I really want to risk everything?
“Then how long it takes only matters when you want to give in,” he said quietly. He motioned to the original list, the important things I’d written down. “You have a lot of goals, and a lot you want to get started on. I understand you don’t want to be in that house. No one wants you to be there. Not you. Not us. Not your father. Or even Carol.”
“You don’t think she likes me?” I asked.
He shook his head slowly. “You’re not her priority. Securing herself, her son, that’s what’s important to her. You and your sister were in the way, so she came to change that. She didn’t do it slowly, introduce herself, or ask anyone for permission. She just stepped in when she saw an opportunity.” He lowered his tone, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t mistake her offer for harmony for being on the same page with what you want.”
That confirmed my own thoughts on Carol, the doubts I’d had about her, yet I still hesitated. She was innocent, a normal person, so I didn’t wish her harm, but I couldn’t really pretend she thought she was doing the best for me.
He took up the notebook again and jotted down a few things underneath that first topic. As he wrote, he spoke, but not on what he was writing about. How he could do both at the same time amazed me. “Fortunately, her goals may give us the opportunity we were looking for. Before you can leave, we’ll have to secure a few things. First, she’s seeking divorce. With an Academy lawyer, one that we will be providing, she’ll get what she’s asking for.”
“She’s the one making calls? I thought she was getting him to do it.”
“She left messages a couple of days ago. She’s not leaving it to him alone.”
I frowned. To get what she wanted, she was willing to go around my father? I couldn’t tell him this without him wondering how I knew, and I doubted he’d believe me.
He continued, “It’s unlikely she’ll get an immediate response, and she knows it. This is probably why she seems to be focusing only on cleaning. Most likely on Monday, she’ll begin more calls. She’ll be redirected to the right people.”
