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I pressed my palms against my eyes. “I don’t know if it will.”
Marco didn’t say anything. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t push or the fact that after so much time not talking to anyone about it, not even the people who’d also been there, the horror still felt just as raw. Trying to ignore it hadn’t helped. Maybe talking would.
“I was captured along with one of my teammates. I found out later that he’d betrayed us.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” Marco crossed himself, and I drew in a shaky breath.
“It didn’t help him in the end. They killed him anyway along with one of the men who came to rescue us.”
“How did you—”
I held up a hand. “I’ll get there. I was a hostage negotiator. Did you know that?”
“Yes. Devil told me.”
“I was good, the best the FBI had, but it didn’t matter. I used every technique I had, but they tied him up right in front of me and whipped him until he passed out. Then they shot him. I was going to be next.”
“Oh God, Niall. No wonder you…”
“Every time I think I’m done reliving it, I…”
“Baby.”
He’d called me that many times before, but it was always either to mock me or when he was in character in front of the others. This was the first time the endearment made me feel cherished.
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “Yesterday, when I… If I’d known… I never would have spanked you.”
I pulled back so I could meet his gaze. “No. The spanking was fine. It was… more than fine. I would have stopped you if it wasn’t.”
“If you don’t want me to—”
“Don’t you dare treat me like I’m delicate. I like everything you do to me. I just… I wanted to help Malachi get away, and it felt like I was back in that awful prison.”
“We’ll figure out if Malachi needs help, okay? We’re going to stop Compton and the rest of them.”
“X is looking into Malachi.”
“Good. I can get some of my people working on it too.”
“Okay.” I should protest since I didn’t know Marco’s sources. “Be careful. We don’t want too many people looking, or we could tip someone off.”
“My people are discreet. We wouldn’t be here if they weren’t.”
That was true enough. He’d managed to save a potential victim and take out two of their minions while keeping it quiet enough that the incident was never connected to him.
“Did you want to tell me more?” Marco asked.
I took a deep breath. “Obviously I was rescued before… before they could… but I couldn’t save anyone else.”
Marco pulled me to him again. “You can’t save everyone. No one can.”
He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t dismiss how I was feeling or tell me I would eventually forget or any of the things people often said when they knew even a fraction of what I’d been through. He just stated a fact and held me.
I clung to him as I wrestled with emotions: anger, embarrassment, and the fear I couldn’t seem to shake whenever the memories got to me.
I tried to hold back tears, but some spilled over, wetting the shoulder of Marco’s shirt.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I sat back and rubbed my eyes.
“Don’t be.” I didn’t want to look at him, but the softness in his voice compelled me. “I’ve never experienced anything like what you did, but I have nightmares where I’m back under my uncle’s control, and he forces me to do things I would never agree to, but in the dreams I do them anyway. So I can maybe understand what it’s like to feel trapped in the past. To feel like you can’t…” He shook his head. “Never mind. I…”
I squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “You’re welcome.”
“We should search Orly’s room now.”
“We?”
“I won’t be able to sleep if I stay here, and it’s better if there are two of us to listen out. We can’t know for sure if Compton has gotten another master key.”
I expected him to try to convince me to stay and rest, but he held out his hand and helped me to my feet.
I’d never met someone who knew what I needed the way Marco did. I never even needed to direct him, not that I’d really done that with anyone else. I just bitched at them when they chose wrong.
17
Marco
In Orly’s room, we found a locked briefcase. Fortunately, I’d slipped my lockpicking tools into my pocket before we’d left our room. Wearing gloves to avoid any prints, I got the lock open in seconds.
Niall was suitably impressed, not that I needed his assessment of my skills, but it did make me want to see just how far his enjoyment of risk-taking went.
Fucking him in Orly’s bed would probably be too much even if I had caught him giving me the appreciative half smile I’d grown fond of.
