‘A little too much protesting, darling. He’s an utter hunk. You could have a lovely Christmas present to unwrap if you play your cards right.’
‘Well, I don’t want to. Apart from the fact that that’s not what I’ve come here for, what about Theo? I don’t want to be a mother.’
Well,I thought,I don’t want to be a mother like you were, and that surely amounts to the same thing…
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous, darling. For a start, I was only suggesting a little festive dalliance, not setting up home together. And what’s this about not wanting to be a mother?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Itdoesmatter. It’s the first I’ve heard of it. Are you intent on focusing on your career? You know I’m all for that, but the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive, as I’ve demonstrated.’
She gave a satisfied smile and I glared at her, feeling the heat rising in my face.
‘Becauseyouhandled it so marvellously, you mean?’
She laughed.
‘Whatareyou implying, Fallon? I suppose you resent me for leaving you with people because I had to work? Plenty of mothers do that, and without your father on the scene, I didn’t have much choice.’
‘No, Mum, I know that you had to work, of course I understand that. What I have a harder time with is the way you left me with strangers so you could party several nights a week. You made it abundantly clear that I was a nuisance.’
Her mouth tightened. ‘You’re being a nuisance now, to be honest.’
I fell silent. I should have known better than to challenge her. The moment my mother believed herself to be cornered, she went on the attack. I braced myself.
‘Youneverunderstood that aspect of my job, Fallon – that I had tosocialisein order to meet people who would help me in my career. I still have to do it now. Maybe you still resent me not washing your hockey kit, or whatever the equivalent is at your age. For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a wonderful mother, but then I think I did too.’
My eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling, but her impervious gaze made it clear that the conversation was over. Oh, what was the point in trying anyway? She would never even try to understand. It wasn’t that I didn’t like children, but I was terrified of the responsibility – of making mistakes with them that might last a lifetime. How on earth people were brave enough to embark on parenthood was beyond me.
‘Anyway,’ I said, ‘from what we saw when we first arrived, it seems very clear that Alexander isn’t remotely interested in finding anyone, let alone a mother for Theo.’
‘Well, there you are then, darling, we’re back exactly where I started.’ I almost expected her to punch the air in triumph. ‘Have a lovely Christmas fling with him, no hard feelings and so on. Enjoy yourself!’
‘I fully intend to enjoy myself, but not in that way. Just drop it, Mum. I don’t want a fling, with Alexander or anyone else, just some peace and quiet!’
Even my mother was thwarted by this argument, although I feared only temporarily – I had no doubt that she would rise again to matchmake another day. She finally stood up.
‘Well, enjoy your chaste Christmas, darling, more “miserable-toe” than mistletoe, but it’s up to you, I suppose. I think love is good for keeping one young and desirable, but maybe that doesn’t worry you. I still think Alexander is gorgeous.’
‘I don’t care how bloody gorgeous Alexander is, I amnothaving an affair with him!’
This, of course, as the door opened and the man himself walked in.
‘Sorry, have I missed something?’
FIVE
I could do nothing more than gape in total mortification at Alexander as he stood in the doorway. My mother, however, brazen in these situations, burst out laughing.
‘Oh, hello, whatmarvelloustiming! I was just saying to Fallon how handsome you are, but she wasn’t having any of it. Mind you, she always flatly refuses to discuss her sex life with me, so who knowswhatshe’s really thinking.’
What I was thinking was that I wanted to howl with embarrassment, then immediately return to London, but I rallied.
‘The only thing that I’m thinking right now, Mum, is that I’d like some rest. Why don’t you go and find Douglas?’
‘Very well!’ she trilled, squeezing Alexander’s shoulder as she passed him, then saying in a stage whisper, ‘Don’t give up hope, darling!’
I had no idea who that last comment was directed at, but I chose to ignore it, and instead looked imploringly at Alexander.
