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I tell them, “Cooking accident mixed with stupidity. It didn’t end well.”

Beth looks worried. “Is Nate okay?”

It’s the first time Josh hears his name. He studies me for a moment, putting things together. “Nathan Smith? The professor?”

“Yeah.” I hand the nurse the papers I signed, and she’s gone.

“Your fuckbuddy was a professor?” He stares at me like he doesn’t know me at all. “I thought it was some schmuck from the art department. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrug. “It doesn’t matter.”

Josh glances at Beth and then back at me. “Kerry, you love him. Did you tell him?”

I stand up, grab my things, and rush out of the room. My throat isn’t hurting as badly now. They gave me something to soothe it, but I still don’t answer him. Beth rushes after me, asking, “You love him? When did that happen?”

Josh rushes up behind me, grabs my elbow and whirls me around. “Kerry, stop.”

I fall apart. I slam my head into his chest and start crying. His arms come up and hold me. We’re in front of the entrance to the ER. After a tight squeeze, Beth urges us to the side. Her hand is on my back, and her brother’s arm is across my waist, ushering me toward the car. “He said he loved me.” Tears streak my cheeks, rolling away the grime and soot.

Josh sounds excited for a moment, “Well, that’s a good thing then.”

“No, it’s not. He knows that the fire wasn’t an accident, but I didn’t tell him anything else.”

Beth knows about Ferro and the favor. “Kerry, you need to tell him it wasn’t you.”

“No.” I glare at her fiercely. “I’m not going to tell him the only parent he has left would kill him to take his fucking house away. I couldn’t say it. Even if Ferro is a dick, at least he's alive. That’s something. It means Nate’s not alone. If I tell him the truth, then he will be. I can’t do that to him.”

Beth and Josh glance at each other, realizing that they both have pieces of a fractured story. I sigh inwardly, knowing it’s only a matter of time until they solve the puzzle and know everything. When we slip into Josh’s car, no one says a word. We drive back to Josh’s house in silence.

CHAPTER 14

I drop Nate’s class and avoid him as much as possible. I don’t leave campus though, and so I see him walk by once in a while. I don’t know where he’s living, but I’ve not heard anything else about the fire or his property. The fire marshal spoke to me once and scolded me for being so stupid, but he deemed the fire an accident. That means Nate should have insurance money, and Ferro will take the land. Nate couldn’t stop the fracking by being a holdout, but I admire him for trying. I wish I could tell him how much he means to me. It’s not until I lost Nate that I realize how I truly feel.

I love him. I’d do anything to see him smile, to hear his laughter again. He makes me feel alive and he makes me want to be a better person—but I’m not a good person. I’m me. I've done deplorable things, and I can’t hide it. I still feel raw, stripped bare. Every thought of Nate hurts, every waking memory of his lips on my body—knowing I’ll never kiss him again kills me.

Silence has become my best friend, and I avoid everyone else. Beth tries to talk, but I’m a bitch to her. I don’t cooperate, and I wander off in the middle of sentences. I care about her and know I’m being a shitty friend. She could do better. Eventually, she’ll see that and leave me alone.

Chelsey, on the other hand, still thinks we’re BFFs. I can’t ditch her. I pull my messenger bag over my shoulder and head to the art building to avoid her and her new boyfriend. Kevin and Chelsey. Who knew?

Josh doesn’t take no for an answer. He’s not spoken about anything of significance since he picked me up in the hospital. I start crying sometimes, and he holds me, saying nothing. It’s like we’re both stuck in the waiting room to Hell.

Josh is waiting for me outside the art building. We head inside and up the stairwell to the classroom. The door is unlocked, as usual, for students to work on their paintings. It’s past nine at night, so only a few people are around. They’ve mostly gone home, which is fine by me. I’d rather be alone.

As we walk through the door, Josh says, “I found something, about the bottles.”

I set my stuff down on a desk near my cubby and turn to look at him. His eyes are swollen and dark. Sleep deprived like mine. “What it is?”

He’s almost too afraid to say it. “That kind of wrapper—the collar on the bottle—can’t be tampered with or resealed. It’s not like shrink-wrap. It would melt if someone opened it and tried to heat seal it again.”

I pause, hand on my painting, and shake my head. “Then how’d the drugs get in the bottle?”

“It had to be done before it was sealed, but there’s a bottling plant for that brand of vodka in town. Can you guess whose father is the manager?”

“Who?”

“Sherry’s dad.”

I leave the painting in the cubby and walk over to Josh. “Wait a second, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

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