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Images of him sitting on the couch, porn on TV, with a big ass blueberry pastry in his lap filled my mind. That could be my future with the guy.
“Yeah, a pizza pie. You know.”
Then I did know.
“What you thought I meant an apple pie or somethin?” he asked.
I shrugg
ed my shoulders and smiled.
“I guess.”
“Well I like that kind of pie too. So…how’s about later we go get a pie? A real pie.”
That’s how he asked me out on our first real date.
You don’t need to hear about the date. It wasn’t very special. We did go to a nice restaurant where we did chow down on a peach cobbler and he did take me to a romantic movie where he did eventually put his hand on my inner thigh and work his way up until the point where I’d forgotten about the movie and was dry humping the hand he had sliding back and forth between my legs.
Was that a run-on sentence? That has to be a run-on sentence. You have to stop to catch a breath while reading it. Try it. Read it again without coming up for air.
Ok now that you’re out of breath reading it again without breathing, you know how I felt by the end of the movie. I was slightly lightheaded and ready to fuck the Jersey boy with the big cock.
We took the date to my place. Candlelight, warm vanilla sugar candles, and you know we only whip those out when shit’s about to get real. Well shit got real!
I’ll skip to the part where Braden Bot was lying on his back, hands folded behind his head, cock up and looking super delicious, the kind of cock we all say we want. The cock of dreams. The cock that if we’re able to survive it, it should be stuffed and hung up on the wall the way daddy used to hang deer heads.
Ha, can you imagine? A giant, drooped over cock glued to a wooden plaque? And you’d have to explain it to guests like, “In the summer of 2016 I crept quietly up on this sleeping member. It had wandered off from the herd of…what would you call a group of cocks?
A herd sounds strange. A school of cocks? A gaggle of cocks? A brood of…no, wait, got it. A colony of cocks. Yes, that’s it.
“It had wandered off from the colony of cocks and I surprised it with my tenacity, leaping onto it and smothering it with my swollen vagina.”
Sorry, I have to stop going off on these tangents. I must bore you to tears with my rambling.
A colony of cocks. Love it.
So Braden Bot was poised and ready. His cock glistened with my saliva and I should have known how much of a challenge this would be from how hard it was to suck the damn thing. The corners of my mouth hurt the way it hurt when I was a kid and I used to try to eat those popsicles in the plastic tube, the kind you had to cut the top off with scissors, and the sharp as hell sides of the thing always cut into the corners of your mouth. Remember those?
Well…his dick hurt my mouth.
But still, I tried. Nobody likes a quitter. I wanted to be on top so I could be somewhat in control. The thought of him forcing himself into me as he did the hippy hippy shake was frightening.
I grabbed his cock in both hands, feeling like a fucking monkey about to climb a tree, and lowered myself onto it. I remember thinking I sounded a bit like Santa Claus as the head made its way past my pussy lips.
“Hooo…hooo…hooo,” I huffed and puffed.
It hurt. Badly. Like someone was trying to shove a baby back in me.
He was in me less than half way when I had to give up. I just couldn’t. It was so fucking painful that I had to lie next to him and give him a hand job. Not even my mouth could handle that thing. Like a lover leaving and breaking his heart, I said things like…
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“One day you’ll find a special girl who can handle you.”
“You deserve more…better than me.”
“There are plenty of other fish in the sea, fish with really wide pussies who can handle a big pole. I’m more like a catch and release kind of fish.”
