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"Did you?"
"For a while. Long enough to start classes. Settle into my routine. But Ross was still using. There was always something around. I slipped."
His dark eyes fix on mine. "Why'd you stop?"
"My mom walked in on me shooting up. She started crying. She was worried I was going to die. It was like with Lily, but a million times worse. I knew, no matter what, I couldn't do that to her. So I agreed to go to rehab. And I took off winter quarter. And that was that."
"When did you get out?"
"February."
"Fuck, that's nothing."
"Four months." It feels like it's been an eternity.
"You ever want to use?"
"Sometimes. But it's a passing impulse. The ugly consequences are too fresh." I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. "This, you leaving, whatever we should call it. This has hurt more than anything has in a long time. But I haven't even looked at a bottle. I don't want to be numb anymore. I get it if you don't believe me, if you can't trust me, but I really, really don't want that."
He stares into my eyes.
"Do you believe me?"
"I want to."
"Do you think… I, uh, I wanted to tell you, Walker. I did. But the only person I'd told dropped me as soon as she found out. And being with you, feeling normal, it was everything."
"Yeah, it was."
"After I saw your sister high… you hate her, don't you?"
"Part of me does."
"Is she really sober?"
"Seems that way."
"That's great. Really." I stare back at him. "Would you have left if I told you that night we found your sister?"
"Probably."
"Now?"
"I don't know."
"Oh." I let my eyelids flutter together. I lean into his touch. "I… I think I'm in love with you."
"Iris."
"You don't have to say anything. Actually, don't. Not until you're sure you want to do this. Because I don't want to know you love me. Not if you're going to leave."
"Okay." He presses his palm into my lower back and pulls my body into his.
"Do you hate me?"
His lips brush my ear. "No."
"Think I'm pathetic?"
