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Someone has to be the one everyone can count on.
I accept my mom's hug. I sink into it. I try to find comfort in the embrace, but it feels like betrayal.
They should have asked me.
This is my life too.
I don't want things to change. I don't want them to leave. I don't want Grandma to die.
But I can't stop any of it.
I'm not in control here.
Not even a little.
I release my mom's embrace and take a step backward.
Dad is waiting at the kitchen table, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the floor.
He looks up at me. His hazel eyes fill with pride. "Kay, I'm going to miss you so much. We'll call every day. And visit as soon as we can." He smiles. "Or we can fly you out to visit with Grandma. How would that be?"
I want to tell him to throw away his shitty consolation prize, but I don't. The thought of visiting Grandma is too inviting. The affection in his voice is too earnest. "Okay."
He steps forward and pulls me into a hug. "I'm so proud of you. We all are. You're going to ace your classes."
My mouth gets sticky. Everyone is sure I'm going to excel. Everyone expects me to get everything right, all the time. It's a lot of pressure. Even if most of it comes from myself. "Thanks, Dad."
"You're such a bright young woman. I'm not sure what we did to get so lucky. I love you so much, baby girl."
"I love you too."
He steps backward. Reaches for his suitcase, the black one with the plain red tag.
He looks to Mom. "I guess we better go. Security at LAX is always a nightmare."
Mom nods. "Are you going to be okay alone, Kay? We can drop you off at the Kanes' house."
I shake my head. I need to say goodbye to everything.
And I need to figure out how I'm going to survive constant proximity to Brendon. He's off limits.
I know that.
I just don't know how to convince my body or my heart to get on board with the get over Brendon plan.
My eyes go to the clock on the wall, the plain black one we got at Target last year. It's the only thing in here I picked out.
Their flight takes off in an hour and a half. They've been waiting for me to get home. To say goodbye.
Warmth crawls into my chest. It threatens to break up the stone growing around my heart.
But that's not happening.
If they want forgiveness, they should apologize.
"I'll be okay. Let me know when you get in." I hug Mom and Dad one last time. Go through one last round of goodbyes.
Then I watch them walk out the door.
