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I want to tell him, but my tongue is sticky. It’s better to keep this to myself. It’s less dangerous. "I… I don't want to talk about it right now."
"As you wish." He slides the wallet into his pocket. "You must have loved him a lot to hate him so much."
Anger rises up inside of me. The thought sickens me. My hands curl into fists. "No."
Miles shakes his head. He doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm hung up on the asshole who destroyed my sister. Miles probably thinks that I'm in love with Jared, that he's the reason I don't want a relationship.
"I never loved him. I barely know him. He was my sister's boyfriend and he...he ruined her life."
"Call her. Let her decide what to do with him."
My heart sinks. Everything is heavy. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. "I… I can't. She died a few months ago."
"Oh, fuck." He turns to me, his eyes wide with concern.
This isn't part of our deal. He's not supposed to be concerned, and I'm not supposed to let him take care of me.
"What happened?" His voice is so soft. It's the sweet Miles, the one who wrote all those songs.
I shake my head. I can't discuss this. I can't even say it out loud.
His voice gets softer. He runs his fingers through my hair. "What happened, Meg?"
"She…" It's hard to breathe. There. Inhale. Exhale. "She overdosed."
"An accident?"
"Yeah." I press my fingers together. This is too close, too personal. I need to get up, to get out of here, to be anywhere else. Jared doesn't matter. He's nothing. Just another loser who will dig his own grave.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
His arms wrap around me. He pulls me into a tight hug. It's intimate. Too intimate. He's seeing inside me, seeing all the things I try to keep hidden.
I can't take it. But I can't move. I can't do anything but lean into Miles's touch.
He pulls me tighter. I slide my hands under his leather jacket and press them against his lower back, over the soft fabric of his t-shirt.
He's warm. He's here. But he's not mine. We'll never have that kind of relationship.
I take a deep breath. "I want to go home. Let’s put the wallet in the lost and found."
"Okay. Where is that?"
"Give it to me. I'll do it."
Miles pulls the wallet from his pocket and hands it to me. I stare at the sky. There are big, gray clouds covering the moon. The stars are tiny and dull, like they can't bother to shine tonight.
"Meg." His voice is so soft.
"I'm fine." My throat is sore. My eyes sting with tears. I blink them away. I can't cry here.
"I'll take you home."
"No." I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "I'm going to say I found this out here. And then we're going out."
If I go home, I'll drown in how awful this feels. I have to convince him I'm okay enough to go out.
I march into the waiting room, drop off the wallet, and march back to Miles.
