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My feet hit the surface with a light tap. But it’s enough my legs and ass burn.

It’s been forever since I’ve really swam.

It’s as comforting as it used to be.

But it’s too familiar. I squeeze my eyes closed, blocking out the aqua sheen, saving my retinas from chlorine.

And there it is—the image of my mom at a swim meet, smiling at my coach, sipping from a flask she kept in the front pocket of her blazer.

My coach’s concerned stare the next day. Her hand on my shoulder as she lowered her voice to that you can trust me, really tone and asked if things were okay at home.

My squeaky lie. Yes, of course.

Mom, on the couch, sleeping off her drunken stupor, empty bottle of vodka next to her.

Like mother, like daughter, I guess.

If I keep running from my feelings, I’ll end up like her.

That isn’t happening.

I guess that means I have to woman up and face my shit.

I blink my eyes open as I surface to breathe. Night falls over the backyard, casting the concrete in a beautiful, dark blue.

The kitchen glows with yellow light.

The tiny white string lights lining the backyard shine with a ghostly glow. They make the pool look haunted.

Maybe it is.

By all my baggage. And all of Ryan’s.

Maybe Dean’s right. I should tell Ryan the truth. Let him decide if he wants to stay or walk. Let him decide if he wants anything to do with a Leighton who’s crazy about him.

My hands hit the wall. I close my eyes, dunk my head, do a flip turn.

I get halfway across the pool before I blink my eyes open. Chlorine stings. But it’s not nearly as bad as that feeling in my gut.

Mom would rather drink than be there for me. Than have me in her life at all.

And Ryan…

Am I second choice again?

The backup if making Penny jealous doesn’t work?

He says he doesn’t want her back, that he doesn’t love her anymore.

I want to believe him.

I really, really want to believe him.

My hand finds the wall. I do a flip turn, glide halfway across the pool, slice the water with my hands.

I go like that for ages.

Until I see legs. Ryan’s calves. He’s sitting on the edge of the pool, his eyes on me.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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