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“And if he doesn’t show?”
“Then I’ll be by your place as soon as I get off.”
“And?”
“And I’ll annoy you into coming back.”
I want to be there. I want to be under the heart string lights. I want to hear the bell ring and the tattoo guns hum and the guys laugh. I want all of it. But not with this space between me and Ryan.
“I can’t. I’ll get Em to fill in. Teach her what I know. She’s been asking me to go over shop admin forever. She really wants to have a hand in running it.” I motion give it back. “I can’t text her like this.”
“Agree to come.”
“You know I can lie now.”
“You wouldn’t. You have honor.”
“I’m gonna miss my flight.”
He hands my text over. “Only giving you this 'cause you’re gonna like what Ryan said.”
Ryan: I’m here if you want to talk. All night.
Ryan: Penny came by my room. She had a bottle of bourbon and a ‘you can fuck me if you want smile.’ I could have. She offered, more or less. But I didn’t want to.
Ryan: I’m not telling you this to win points. I’m telling you there wasn’t a single part of me that wanted that. I didn’t want her body or her affection or her love. I didn’t even want her apology. I told her what I really thought. I told her she and Frank are right together. That I’m happy for them. That I want the best for them.
Ryan: I felt it.
Ryan: As soon as I told her, I felt it. I’m done with her. Over her. Completely. It’s so much more fucking obvious right now, because I can feel a gaping hole in my gut. That’s you being gone, Leigh. Maybe that isn’t enough for you. Maybe it’s not enough that I want to be the person who cooks you dinner every night and wakes up next to you every day. Maybe it’s not enough that I want to watch your design company take off, and teach you to surf, and race you around the park. Maybe it’s not enough that you’re my favorite fucking person in the world. But you are. And I want all that. When I see my life, you’re in it. You are it. There are only three things I want. I want to do ink, I want to see the world, and I want you.
“Ryan said something good.” Dean’s voice brightens.
“No.” I bite my lip.
“You have a look.”
“I do not.”
“Like you’re thinking about going back.”
“No.” Kind of. I… I want to talk to him. I want to wrap my arms around him. I want to collapse in his bed.
Our bed.
I want everything to be ours again.
But I need him to be mine.
“You sure?” Dean asks. “You look like it.”
I want to, but I can’t. I need to be home. I need to be safe. I need Ryan to love me. I can’t have the latter. So I’ll have to take the first two. “I’m exhausted.”
“So crawl into bed, whisper I love you, I’m sorry, and collapse.”
I shake my head.
“He loves you, Leigh. You two are the only people who don’t see it.”
