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Why? Why was he doing this to me? Why, Maddox?
There was a hurricane of emotions coursing inside me, threatening to burst through. I couldn’t stop shaking, my mind playing continuous tricks on me.
“Breathe,” Maddox said, his voice breaking through the chaos in my head.
“I… can’t.”
Breathe! Damn it, I told myself.
I clutched my chest and gasped. Ten… nine… eight…
The world around me slowed and became a blur, my blood turned to ice and my body felt… numb. There was a vicious pounding in the back of my head and the veins in my neck throbbed.
“I believe in you,” he whispered.
Seven… six… five… four…
“Breathe, baby.”
Three… two… one.
For the longest time, we stayed just like this.
My head lolled backward onto his shoulders. “Is this fun to you? Seeing me like this…?”
His lips brushed my temple, softly. “No. But I’m about to help you conquer your fear. You only live once, Lila.”
“I… can’t do it today,” I confessed.
Maddox shook his head. “Not today, not tomorrow… but maybe next week. We’re going to keep trying.”
My chin wobbled, and I nodded my head.
I did try. For five days, I tried. Maddox successfully got me closer to his car. Every day, he opened the passenger door, and I’d crumble to the ground, shaking and gasping.
Day by day, I tackled my past and pushed past my fear until my body threatened to give out.
On day six, I could barely step out of my grandparents’ house. My legs were shaking so badly that Maddox had to help me walk down the gravelly path to his car.
Again, my knees weakened, and I slumped forward.
A sob escaped past my lips as the crushing anxiety made its way into my body once again.
“I’m… sorry,” I choked.
Maddox waited for my panic attack to recede, his presence commanding and his hand steady on my back. He dominated my panicking, soothing me with a gentle touch.
I lifted my head from his shoulder, and his intense, beautiful eyes locked with mine. Panic coursed through me, making my eyes wild and my face white as a ghost, but he didn’t stare at me like I was some pathetic loser.
Maddox waited patiently. Because he believed in me.
I chewed on my lip as I tried to calm my breathing. The muscles in my body spasmed, but I fought to stay conscious.
“Put me in the car, Maddox.” I tried to sound firm, but my voice only came out as weak as the cries of a newborn kitten.
He pressed his lips together, searching my eyes. Maybe he saw the resolve in them because he nodded. We got to our feet, and I struggled to stand upright. This time, when Maddox opened the passenger door, I climbed into the car on unsteady legs. I slumped into the seat, my heart banging viciously against my ribs.
He placed the seatbelt around me as I held onto my seat, knuckles white, fingers aching with how tight I was holding on.
He pressed his thumb over my full lips, putting them away from my teeth. “Trust me,” Maddox rasped.
Trust him? I did, wholly and truly, with all my heart.
That was the scariest part.
“We’re doing this.”
He grinned. “No, you are doing this.”
Maddox closed the door, and I watched him move around the car to the driver’s seat. He climbed in, and I took a deep breath. His hands were on the steering wheel, waiting.
“Do it, Maddox.” I trust you.
“Before we do this, I need to tell you something,” he paused. I cocked my head, waiting. “Those yoga pants you’re wearing should be illegal, Garcia.”
My lips parted, and a sudden laughter bubbled from my chest.
“Maddox!” I was still laughing when he turned the ignition, and, without me realizing, the car started rolling forward.
My smile slipped off my face, and I gasped.
“Oh God.” My breath stuttered.
That night… the memories…
Everything hit me at once, and I was drowning, sinking… dying.
I can’t breathe.
Maddox grasped my hand. “I got you.” His deep voice was soft but powerful, with a rich silky tone. “Lila.”
My eyes closed, and I breathed through my nose.
Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one.
I was dying.
“You’re not dying,” a voice said to me.
His voice.
Maddox.
“I am.” Mom… dad… I love you. I love you so much. Can you hear me? I’m sorry.
A warm hand folded around mine. “I’m right here. You’re not dying.”
So warm, so strong, so familiar.
Cold wind brushed against my sweaty, overheating skin.
“Open your eyes, Lila.” No.
“Trust me,” he said.
Anguish twisted my stomach. I pressed a hand over my chest, trying to rub the ache away. My eyes fluttered open as I wheezed through each breath.
My window had been rolled down, hence the breeze brushing up against my hair. And…
Oh my God.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Maddox spoke.
I couldn’t blink, couldn’t take my eyes off the pink and orange sky. The sunset. We were apparently driving over a hill, and I recognized that it wasn’t too far from my house. I never knew the sunset could be so beautiful up here, like this…
