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“Well, shit.”
“Exactly,” I grumbled, so pitifully. “Maddox and I can’t be friends anymore. Not when we can’t keep our hands off each other. Especially not when he needs me physically. See, Maddox doesn’t do well with emotional support. That’s not how his brain works. He feels through touches and sex. Angry sex. Hate sex. Revenge sex. That’s how he deals with his emotions. I…can’t…do… it.”
“He needs you right now, Lila.”
“I know. But I can’t be his friend in the morning and then his therapy sex at night. That’s toxic, Riley. And we can’t go back to having a relationship…”
Riley was quick to pick apart my words. “Why not?”
“I have my reasons.” Painful reasons. But I was doing it for Maddox. I didn’t walk away to protect myself. I walked away for Maddox. “Maddox needs a wake-up call, even amidst all the shitty things that are happening, I can’t be there for him all the time. We can’t be so co-dependent on each other. That’s not a healthy relationship. There are some things that we have to deal with on… our own.”
“And you think this is the right moment to test this? Lila, his father is dying!”
I settled down next to Riley, removing myself from her hug. “You think I’m being a bitch and inconsiderate.”
She gave me a sharp nod. “Yes.”
There was a pang, an ache in my chest. “Sheesh, thanks for the honesty.”
“I’ll call you out when I think you deserve it. But I think there’s something else in your head that you’re not telling me.” Riley’s eyes hardened and her lips thinned. “What happened that day, when you found out Bianca was pregnant?”
“I left Maddox,” I croaked.
“What happened before you left him?”
I saw the look in his eyes…
“I’m tired. This was a long day, and I need some sleep.”
Riley let out a deep, exhausted breath and threw her arms in the air – I give up.
She was letting it go for now, but I knew I couldn’t run away from this conversation for long.
One week later
The doorbell pinged behind me, as I was cleaning the last table. I threw a look over my shoulder, calling out to the late customer. “We are closed!”
The sign clearly said we were closed, why did people still walk in? I never understood that. At least twice a week, we’d get customers, past closing, who would guilt us into serving them.
“Hi, Lila.”
My back shot up straight at the sound of her voice. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. Bianca was the last person I wanted to see after the shit week I had.
It’s hard to watch your soulmate walk away. But it’s even harder to walk away from them.
I never thought leaving Maddox would be easy, but I definitely didn’t think I’d suffer this much. Our relationship had never been all sweetness. It was pretty roses with sharp, ugly thorns.
Yeah – that was the side effect of falling in love with my best friend.
The last week was pure agony. Maddox was always on my mind. I worried tirelessly for him. Every day, about twenty times, I’d almost give in. The urge to run back to him was strong.
Sometimes, I’d call him late at night, when I knew he was sleeping and wouldn’t pick up his phone. I’d hide my caller ID and let the call go to voicemail. Just so I could hear his deep, baritone voice.
I did it once. I did twice.
And then it became a habit.
I couldn’t sleep without hearing his voice.
This obsessive need for Maddox grew every day. How could I say goodbye to him when my heart was still so desperately trying to hold on to him?
I faced Bianca, and the moment my eyes fell on her, I felt a sharp pang in my chest. Damn, that hurt. Her belly was swollen and bigger than the last time I had seen her. I could even see the swell over her baggy sweater. She cupped her pregnant belly, and I fought back a flinch.
This was the reminder I didn’t want. Maddox was going to be a… dad. But not the father of my kids. The heat rose to my face, and my heart catapulted in my chest. The first wave that hit me was anger. Then envy. Resentment. Finally, it was longing. A surge of emotions brewed inside of me, threatening to spill over. For the first time, since I found out Bianca was pregnant with Maddox’s child, I felt an overwhelming sense of… jealousy.
I crossed my arms over my chest. As if to barricade my heart against her presence and her words. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was talk to my ex’s baby mama.
“I didn’t expect you to seek me out on your own,” I said, a bitter smile on my face. It seemed I couldn’t control my emotions lately.
