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He stared into my eyes for a second before reluctantly nodding. “Okay. When you are ready.”
I placed my head on his shoulder again and closed my eyes as his arms wrapped around my waist again. We were both silent for some time. Only our breathing could be heard and I felt his heart pounding under my hand as I laid it on his chest.
We were both content, holding each other in silence.
“Alessio.”
“Yes?”
“Do you think of me differently now? Because of what happened?” My voice was quiet, just a whisper as I uttered the words. My hands were shaking.
Alessio’s arm tightened around me and he placed a kiss on my head. He pulled away, forcing me to bring my head up from his shoulder. Our eyes met. Blue to green. The world stilled for a moment and he was all I could see.
Palming my cheeks, he gave me a small smile. “No. Not a chance, Ayla. That thought never even came to my mind. What happened wasn’t your fault. Rape is never justified. You are a victim and that bastard deserves to die.”
Leaning his forehead against mine, he continued in the same soft voice. “Yes. I do think of you differently. But not the way you are thinking. Now, I think you are strong. You have endured this, yet you are still here, fighting. That’s all that matters. What has happened to you would never change my mind about you. Never.” Placing a kiss on my nose, he smiled. “I don’t think anything could ever change how I feel about you.”
My cheeks felt wet and that was when I realized that I was crying again. Sniffling, I brought a hand up and cupped his cheek.
He smiled a little wider. I rubbed my thumb over the dimple on his cheek, my tears running down my face.
“I’m no good for you, Alessio,” I whispered. “I’m not worthy of you.”
My heart clenched at my words.
“Ayla, no!” Alessio said, his eyes widening.
Smiling sadly, I rubbed my fingers softly over his cheek. “It’s the truth. You are too good. Too accepting. You are a good man with a kind heart, but I’m not good for you.”
Because I’m not who you think I am, I continued in my head.
“Stop,” he scolded, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“I’m not the one for you. You think you know the whole truth, but you don’t.” I continued, my fingers tracing his eyebrows and then his forehead. “I wish I could be someone else. I wish I didn’t have the past I had. You and I…we can’t ever be one.”
He closed his eyes tightly, his body slightly shaking with the force of his emotions. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“You would hate me if you knew my truth,” I whispered. The words flew out of my mouth, my heart shattering in the process.
“What happened to you was not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t matter to me. All I want is you,” he confessed, pressing his lips ever so gently on mine.
If only he knew the whole truth. He wouldn’t be saying those words to me.
“I will only hurt you in the end, Alessio,” I murmured against his lips.
“I’ll take my chances,” he fired back.
“Alessio—”
He cut me off with a bruising kiss. Closing my eyes, I absorbed his kiss as my lips moved against his.
Slightly pulling away, his fingers tightened on my braid. “It’s me who isn’t worthy of you, Ayla. I have blood on my hands. I have killed so many people that I have lost count. I’m a monster, Ayla. I’m not a good man. But you…you are perfect. You are an angel.”
I gasped at his words and slowly opened my eyes.
“You have it in reverse. Whatever you said, it’s the opposite,” he continued.
“I’m fire. I will only burn you in the end,” I murmured against his lips.
He smiled. “The fire is raging, then. I don’t know if I’ll burn in the end or not. But I don’t want to give up on us. If I burn, then I will go with a smile, knowing that I had this little moment with you. Even if it was a little while.”
“Don’t do this, Alessio.”
He kissed me again. I couldn’t reject him. I was weak against his words. They were words that I wanted to hear…that I desperately needed, so I hung on even when I knew I shouldn’t.
I couldn’t push him away. I pulled him toward me, kissing him back with the same fervor. We kissed away all the pain as our hearts came together as one, the pull between us too strong to fight.
This intangible connection…I felt it deep inside my soul.
“I’m not giving up on you, Ayla. So, don’t give up on us either,” he murmured before claiming my lips again.
And in this very moment, I was thankful that I had gotten in his car.
