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“What?” Maddie asked incredulously beside me.
“I found Alessio’s jacket under Ayla’s pillow when I was cleaning her room a few days ago,” Milena explained, her intense gaze still on mine as she waited for my answer.
I didn’t have to turn to Maddie to know that she was staring at me in shock. I felt her stares burning holes into my skin. My panic grew with each passing second.
My fingers tightened around the comforter. Turning my head to the side, I stared at Maddie in alarm, begging her with my eyes to save me from this.
She must have seen the desperation in there because her face turned hard and she glared at Milena.
“That’s none of your business. Leave,” she ordered harshly. Milena glared back and then huffed in annoyance before walking away and closing the door harder than usual.
Maddie turned her head toward me again, her eyes softening as she stared at me expectantly. “Ayla, what were you doing with Alessio’s jacket?” she asked.
“Maddie…” I looked away. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. Not after everything she had done for me.
Swallowing hard, I looked back up into Maddie’s understanding eyes. She understood me. And she had been there for me when I needed her the most. Maybe she would understand this time too.
“You don’t have to—”
“I sleep with it,” I said.
Maddie’s mouth hung open in shock as she stared at me with wide eyes. “What?” she sputtered.
“I sleep with it.” My fingers were entwined tightly together, my knuckles almost white. “It keeps the nightmares away.” My voice was small, as shame and embarrassment took over my body.
Maddie must think that I am pathetic, I thought as tears blurred my vision.
“Alessio’s jacket keeps your nightmares away?”
I nodded, and then felt her hand on my shoulder.
“Ayla, look at me,” she urged.
I stared into her compassionate, hazel eyes. They were free of judgement, instead glowing with understanding.
“Ayla, is that why you got the nightmare three nights ago? Was that the trigger? Because you didn’t have the jacket?”
I felt the color drain from my face as my body went numb, my muscles coiling tightly at her words. “Yes.” It was hard to say the word and I sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Oh, Ayla. Come here.” Before I could move, she had pulled me closer, her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. She moved her hand up and down on my back, soothingly, as I choked back a sob. “Let it out. I’m here.”
It felt good to be finally be understood. To have a shoulder to cry on.
I didn’t cry this time, though. Blinking the tears away, I just let Maddie hold me and offer me comfort.
Palming my cheeks, she made me look straight into her eyes. “I’m going to ask you something. Answer me honestly, please,” she started. I swallowed hard at her confession, but nodded. “Is it his jacket that keeps the nightmares away, or is it him?”
My heart stumbled at her words and I closed my eyes. The truth was evident. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it, but it was right there and I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
“Him,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from my tears.
It was the truth. Alessio brought me peace. He was the one who made it all go away. He gave me life. He was the one who made me…feel.
Alessio was my peace.
Opening my eyes, I stared at Maddie, only to see her giving me a wobbly smile. “That’s all I wanted to know. Why don’t you tell him?”
“No!” I said, my voice cracking. Shaking my head, I grabbed her arms. “No. You can’t tell him. Please, promise me. Don’t tell him. You can’t.”
I was panic-stricken, fear building inside my body.
Alessio couldn’t find out. He couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think differently of me. I didn’t want him to think that I was stupid or pitiful.
Even though I was all of the above, I didn’t want him to think that. Maybe he already did, but this truth would only make it worse.
Maddie soothed me gently. “I won’t say anything. It’s okay. Calm down. It’s okay.”
“Promise,” I whispered, my breathing harsh.
“I promise.”
Maddie rubbed my hands and then nodded toward the bathroom. “Why don’t you go take a hot bath? I have to go help Mom with lunch, and then I will come right back up.”
“Okay,” I agreed, realizing I needed that. She nodded and waited for me to get off the bed first before doing the same.
“I’ll see you later,” she said with a smile.
Nodding, I went into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and opened the tap, letting the tub fill with water. I shrugged off my nightgown and twisted my hair up in a tight bun.
After the tub filled, I climbed in and let the water surround my cold body. I made sure my arms were on the edge and not submerged in the water. The doctor said I shouldn’t get my stitches soaked or they might get infected.
