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My heart clenched at his words, and I rubbed at my chest, trying to get rid of the burning sensation. “You have that type of love. If I’m honest, I never wanted you to feel this way. When I first saw Ayla, I saw your mother. And I just knew it would be impossible for you not to fall. Now that you have fallen, there’s nothing we can do.”
I stayed silent, too overwhelmed with emotions to speak. But my father spoke enough for the both of us. “Just get her back, protect her with your life, and love her the way she needs and deserves.”
“I will,” I stated firmly, looking at the portrait of my mother and father. With a final glance, I turned around to walk out of the room, but Lyov’s voice stopped me again.
“Your mother would be proud of you.”
Letting out a shaky emotionless laugh, I shook my head. “Don’t lie.”
I heard him huff. When he spoke this time, his voice was heavy, laced with so much emotion that it made my heart ache. “If she found it in her heart to love me, a monster, then she would have loved you just as much, if not more. Your mother’s heart was pure and so full with love. She would have wanted you to be happy. Nothing else mattered. Not who you are or what you do. Always remember that.”
My chest tightened at his words. Without saying anything, I walked out of the room. My heart was heavy, and it hurt. It hurt for many different reasons. But they all meshed together until all I felt was blinding pain. It hurt without Ayla. It hurt more knowing I was helpless.
But it also hurt because I always wanted to hear those words from my father. I had craved for those words and his support. And now that I had them, I didn’t know what to do with them.
Shaking my head to clear my sudden foggy mind, I walked down the hall with only one purpose in mind. To find my Angel. That was all that mattered.
But even with my purposeful stride and determined mind, I couldn’t shake away one thought.
In the sitting room, that was the most my father and I had spoken with each other in twenty-two years.
Chapter 37
3 weeks later
My head was buried in Ayla’s pillow. It still smelled like her. I refused to have it washed. I needed something of her, and her sweet vanilla smell was the only thing left of her.
I inhaled and felt my eyes burn. I felt pathetic.
But I was too far gone. Almost three months without Ayla and I was slowly losing myself. Every day, it was worse. Every day, it got harder until I didn’t know how to live anymore.
I forgot to eat. Sometimes I even forgot to sleep. Just stared at the wall, lost in the memories of my Angel.
I never stopped searching. Not a single day. But no matter how much I searched, how far I looked, she was nowhere to be seen.
It was as if she never existed. Never here. Sometimes I wondered if it was all a dream. I wondered if she had really been here. With me.
But she was here. I could still smell her. See her sometimes. Hear her laughter and sweet voice. She was everywhere but still gone.
And I was empty without her.
Was that how my father and Isaak felt?
The whole house had been in a despairing mood. Nobody really talked. We all stopped caring about everything else. The only one we cared about and thought about was Ayla.
Maddie lost a friend who was more like a sister. To Lena, Ayla was a daughter. Another child to pamper and love. My men felt like a failure.
While I lost the woman who was my everything.
With a sigh, I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling. Through my pain, I thought about what Ayla was going through.
Her pain was no comparison to mine. It hurt more knowing that she was hurting. My pain didn’t matter, but hers did.
I felt her pain, and it was enough to break me.
Alberto used to call, but it had been three weeks since his last call. Three weeks of nothing but silence from the other side.
I realized that I was somewhat thankful for his daily call. At least I knew Ayla was alive. Now, I didn’t know. I knew nothing, and all I could do was hope.
But hope was such a silly emotion. How could I hope when I felt so helpless and hopeless? It was all jaded hope.
Instead of hoping, I chose to believe in our love. Maybe it was strong enough to keep Ayla alive.
I knew that when I found her, Ayla would never be the same again.
But I also knew that when the time came, I wasn’t going to give up on her. I would heal her again, like I did before. I would teach her how to live again, how to smile, laugh, and love again.
