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“I love you, myshka,” I whispered. “If I could have protected you from this heartache, I would have. But…I couldn’t. I fucking couldn’t…”
I squeezed her hand. There was a long silence as I tried to put my thoughts together, tried to wrap my head around everything that went down. All the lives that have been lost.
Yegor, a friend I found in hell.
Irina, a lost soul who deserved heaven and all beautiful things.
Erik, a brother—the prankster, with a devil’s smirk and deadlier hands.
I didn’t believe in fate before. Men like us, we held destiny in our hands. Life and death—we owned it. But I was starting to believe that we all came on to this world with a purpose. We didn’t really realize that until we were staring into the eyes of death.
A friend died today, surrendering herself for another’s life.
A protector lost his life—a loyalty that ran deep.
A savior sacrificed himself.
My eyes found Valerie again. She was still sleeping, lost in a world where I couldn’t reach her. I wanted to…damn it all to hell…how I wanted to reach for her, hold her—tell her it’d be okay.
Except I didn’t know if even I believed those words anymore.
“I don’t know how we will move on from this. But…fuck…” I choked back my words as the emotions clogged my throat. “I just hope, one day, you can forgive me.”
Those words wouldn’t change the past, wouldn’t erase my failures.
But I’d beg for absolution for the rest of my life if I had to.
***
Valerie still hadn’t said a word, not even when we walked through the door of the Ivanshov estate. Home sweet home.
I held her hands in mine, but she still hadn’t looked at me. Fuck, she didn’t even look around. Her gaze stayed on the ground, watching our feet moving forward.
It wasn’t how I expected my return to be. A few weeks ago, I thought of how it’d be to bring Valerie to the estate. To our home. She’d meet the family, she’d be happy…smiling…bonding with the girls. She’d be excited, exploring everywhere.
This wasn’t what I imagined. Not even close. There was a dull ache in my chest as my lungs constricted my air flow. Why was this…so fucking…hard?
Her expression was still forlorn and she was avoiding my eyes. I squeezed her hand in mine, trying to get a reaction from my sweet myshka. I got nothing except silence.
“Viktor.” Ayla’s voice pulled my eyes away from Valerie. I watched as she made her way to us, still very heavily pregnant. She was due any day now.
Ayla’s attention went to Valerie, her gaze softening at the sight of my woman. I cleared my throat and her eyes snapped toward me, now frowning. She raised a questioning eyebrow, but I only shook my head.
Not now. Ask questions later.
As if she understood my unsaid words, she nodded. “I have prepared some clothes for her. Maybe you two need to take a shower. Eat. Get some rest. We can talk later,” she suggested quietly.
Ayla came closer and leaned up to place a small kiss on my cheek. “Welcome home. Both of you,” she whispered before pulling away. Her gaze quickly flitted over to a silent, frozen Valerie. I saw sympathy there as she watched her. Sympathy and warmth. She held so much love inside her, it was almost beautiful to watch.
“Thank you,” I muttered gratefully.
“She will be okay.” Her whispers gave me hope.
Ayla patted my arm and then reached forward to hug Valerie. My myshka flinched, her eyes widening slightly. She appeared confused, her brows pulling together, but Ayla was already quickly letting go.
I grasped Ayla’s arm, stopping her from walking away. “Alessio—”
Her eyes narrowed and darkened briefly. “Settle in first. Then we will talk, Viktor.”
I winced at her tone, her voice filled with authority. Shit. I didn’t know if that was good…or bad. All I knew was that the Queen had spoken and I had to do as I had been commanded.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodded, and pulled Valerie toward the stairs. The estate was otherwise quiet as we made our way to my room. It seemed like everyone was missing. I knew I had business to attend with the others. But for now, Valerie was my focus. After she was settled, I’d handle the disaster I left back in Russia.
For now, we were back in New York, safe.
Once we reached my room, I closed the door behind us and watched as Valerie silently looked around. She walked further inside and stopped in the middle. My room was huge, almost like a little apartment inside the estate, but it barely held anything of value.
Now though…now…it felt like home.
“This is your room?” She finally broke the silence, her voice a little hoarse.
Valerie turned to me so she could look at my face. Once I knew she could see my reply, I nodded. “It’s our room now.”
