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I think…I think I just made a friend.
Chapter 14
Maddie
“You shouldn’t be drinking this much.”
I laughed coldly and then chugged down the rest of my drink. Fuck the annoying, preaching voice. It could suck my ass for all I cared.
I was desperate to sink into the reverie this drink would bring me. It would all be better, peaceful and silent. Just for a few hours, even though I knew I’d only feel even worse when the effect of the alcohol wore off. It always made me feel crappier, disgusted by myself for being so weak. For turning into someone else…for turning toward something that only made me more miserable.
Alcohol wasn’t the answer to my solution. Being drunk didn’t really help.
But for a few hours, it was our greatest solace.
Hence why I was here.
Taking another deep breath, I took another sip from my glass.
I heard a sigh from behind me but ignored it. Placing my glass down, I grabbed the bottle instead and brought it to my lips, lounging back against the couch at the same time.
“Drinking won’t solve your problem,” the annoying voice muttered again.
I turned to face the person and threw him my meanest glare, still holding the bottle to my lips. Bite me, asshole. He arched an eyebrow, but otherwise, his expression stayed blank. I didn’t know how he pulled that off every time, but one would think he was completely emotionless. A damn robot, maybe. Kinda sexy, though. But his cousin was much hotter.
Fuck. That thought made me tilt the bottle and take a huge gulp. The alcohol burned my throat, and I almost choked, my eyes tearing up. I blinked, sputtered, and then swallowed against the burning sensation.
Nikolay sat down opposite me before taking the bottle from my hand. It almost spilled on my clothes, but lucky him, it didn’t. If it had, I would have ripped his fucking fingers off.
“How dare you…” I growled, reaching for my bottle again.
He tsked and slapped my hand away. That actually hurt, but he didn’t seem to care. Asshole. Instead, Nikolay brought the bottle to his mouth and ended up chugging some of the scotch down his own throat.
“Aww. Are we bonding over scotch?” I provoked, feeling the intense need to start a fight. When he didn’t hand it back to me, I grew angrier.
“That’s mine,” I hissed, reaching for it again. I needed it. I desperately needed it.
I needed to forget.
Needed the pain to go away.
I needed to sleep. Sleep without it hurting so much. Sleep without silently crying and wishing for the tears to stop. But I was just so damn weak.
Weak. Helpless. Weak. Hopeless. Weak. Lame. Weak. A coward.
A stupid, stupid young girl who fell in love.
And it destroyed her.
“Stop being a bitch,” he muttered back, keeping the bottle away from my grasp.
“Stop being a hypocrite.” How dare he judge me when he was just the same?
I hated people like him. I hated him. Nikolay. Because he reminded me so much of him.
Phoenix Ivanshov.
My mistake.
Once upon a time, he was my consolation. He was the beat of my heart. And then…he became just another mistake.
It was all his fault.
If he didn’t leave me…if he didn’t break us…
I wouldn’t have fallen for Artur.
And if I hadn’t fallen for Artur, I wouldn’t have lost so much.
Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.
Men were my mistakes.
Men had broken me.
Men had taken from me.
I hated him.
I hated him so much.
And I hated myself.
“Give me the drink,” I snapped when I found myself sinking once again. The blood in my veins roared, my head hurt, my soul ached, my chest constricted.
I was drowning.
Sinking…sinking down. I couldn’t breathe.
I hate you.
I hate me.
“I need it. The drink. Give. It. To. Me!” I screamed now. My body was heating up. I suddenly felt too warm, suffocating, breathless, hurting. My skin crawled, and I trembled. Everything hurt. Lurching forward, my fingers found Nikolay’s face, and I mercilessly scratched him. Anger coursed through my body, urging me to inflict pain on my victim.
“What the fuck?” he snarled when I was sure I drew blood. But my vision was hazy and the world around me was tilting. I was falling…falling…helpless…
Nikolay tried to subdue my movement, and I fell onto his lap. The empty bottle crashed on the floor, and the top of my head hit the underside of his chin. There was a throbbing pain, and I heard him hiss.
“Fuck. You’re losing your shit, Maddie,” he said, his voice so cold. Empty. Would it hurt him to show some emotions sometime?
I laughed without meaning, a strange, empty laugh forcing its way from my chest.
“You are an asshole, Nikolay. I only wanted my drink. Look what you made me do?” I said, lifting my head up and looking at him through blurred vision. I squinted my eyes, and then I found myself giggling.
