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Please.
“Hold me.” So I can break in your arms and you can soothe me.
Viktor’s eyes grew darker. His body stiffened, and he seemed so lost in his thoughts, so far away from here.
He took a deep breath and gave me a small nod. Why wouldn’t he speak?
Have I lost you, Viktor?
Was this the end for us?
The thought hurt me…it sliced through me, sharp knives digging through my skin, trying to carve themselves toward my already bleeding heart. It hurt me more than Valentin could ever.
Viktor made me move forward a few inches in the tub, and then he climbed in behind me. His body was warm and hard against my back, and I closed my eyes, releasing the longest sigh.
My body relaxed into Viktor, and I let his strength pour into my veins. When he grabbed my chin and moved my head to the side, I opened my eyes and looked into his beautiful, deadly face.
Mine.
Just like I was his.
Except…
“Don’t…leave…hold me.”
Viktor made sure I was watching his mouth when he spoke again. “I am never leaving you, Valerie.”
My heart thundered at his vow, and my body weakened under his words.
“Never?”
“My sweet myshka, leaving you would leave a stain on my soul. And I can’t bear the thought of being apart from you.”
His arm covered my chest, bringing me close into his body. I palmed his cheek, rubbing the sharp edges of his bearded jaw with my thumb. He hadn’t shaved for a few days, it appeared. He looked…lethal. In a beautiful, poetic way.
“I thought…”
“What did you think?” he pushed.
“I thought…you hated me. That you couldn’t look at me…because you’ll only see what Valentin has done to my body,” I confessed quietly, ripping apart my heart with each heavy word.
Viktor was shaking his head before I could even finish my sentence. “I could never hate you, baby.”
“You were so silent,” I choked and hiccupped back a sob. “It scared me.”
“I was silent because I thought you hated me. Guilt tasted bitter on my tongue, Valerie. I let him touch you and I couldn’t do anything. I was so goddamn helpless. I am a useless fucking man, and I couldn’t protect you like I had vowed to do.”
I couldn’t hear his voice, but in my head, I imagined each word was laced with fury. I saw it on his face, the way his expression changed, the wild untamed look in his dark eyes, and the way his jaw tightened under my touch.
“I failed you, Valerie. How can you look at me and not be…angry?”
Clumsily, I turned myself around so I was facing him. I straddled his hips with my thighs and folded my arms behind his neck. Placing our cheeks together, I held him and then whispered in his ears. “I can never hate you. I am not angry. This…wasn’t in your hands. I understand that. And I…thank you. For…for…taking over. I needed you to do that and you saved me in the only way you could. I’d rather you touched me in that moment, while I was high on drugs, than have Valentin touch me in ways I couldn’t stand.”
My eyes burned with unshed tears at the memories assaulting me over and over in my head. Closing my eyes, I let the tears spill over, and I sniffled away my cries, but it was so hard. So so hard to keep it all in when I was in Viktor’s arms.
In his embrace, the way he held me so tenderly, it felt as if he had opened a door to my all emotions. I could no longer keep it all inside. All the years of torture…the years of pain…all the anger…all the hurt…everything till tonight, they all spilled out through my cries.
Viktor soothed a hand behind my back, caressing my skin so gently. His touch was a feather, soothing the aches and touching my soul at the same time.
The wings on my back had been ripped apart and the blisters on my feet were raw. I had gone through hell many times, and every single time, Valentin had crushed me with his bare hands.
But tonight was the nightmare I never wanted to experience.
Whenever my husband would hurt me, I expected it. I was always somewhat prepared for it.
What happened today, it was not new to me.
Yes, the drugs were much stronger.
Yes, the side effect made everything worse.
But that was not it. That wasn’t my breaking point.
Valentin could rape me, and every time, I would somehow find a way to fix myself and put the pieces back together.
He had never crushed my soul and damaged me in ways I could not come back from.
Yes, he would use my body. He’d mess with my head. He’d break my heart.
But my soul was never broken.
Tonight, though, he found a way to break me.
Viktor.
He brought my Viktor here, in this room.
