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My fingers lingered over his lips, and he kissed them sweetly before pulling my hand down. “He has already harmed you. Valentin already…”
He trailed off, his words getting choked up in his throat. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears burning them. Sniffling back my cry, I opened my eyes once again, staring at the man I have come to completely adore. “Why are you doing this to yourself, Viktor?”
He made a pained sound in the back of his throat. “I can’t fucking sleep, Valerie. I can’t breathe. Every time I close my eyes, all I see…all I fucking see is him. You. And…”
Viktor snapped his mouth shut, so hard I was almost frightened he had broken his jaw. “I sat there. I just…sat there. Like a helpless man. You wouldn’t cry. You didn’t speak. Even though you were silent, I still heard your helpless, painful cries.”
He pounded on his chest. “Right fucking here.”
His head fell forward, and he tipped his chin toward his chest in defeat. “My ears ring with the sound of you sobbing.”
Guilt was the worst demon to bear. As much as it could make you realize your mistakes, it could also be evil. It strangled you by the neck. It cut you deep. It ripped apart your insides.
To move on, Viktor had to let go of the guilt he held inside him.
Or else it would be our ruination.
My lips parted to say something, to soothe him, yet all I could mutter was a pathetic whimper. It hurt.
It hurt so much.
And it was hurting Viktor more.
His neck tensed as he thought more of our reality. “Stop,” I said to him. Viktor released a humorless chuckle but didn’t look up.
“You are not a failure, lyubov moya.”
His head snapped up, staring at me with his eyes that said so many unsaid words.
Lyubov moya.
My love.
“I wish you hated me. Your love hurts because I feel so unworthy of it.”
“You need to stop hurting yourself as a punishment. This…” I motioned at his battered body. “This self martyrdom. You need to stop. Tell me, Viktor. Do you want me hurting? Does my tears make you happier?”
His eyes darkened and I could see the way his jaw tightened. “No,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “No!”
“Don’t you see? Watching you like this, hurts. It wounds me so deep and it hurts more than Valentin could ever hurt me. So please, for my sake, stop,” I begged.
His pain was mine.
Just like mine was his. We were cut from the same thread. A heartbeat that resonated through two souls.
I palmed his cheeks. “Look at me,” I ordered. “Look. At. Me. I am not angry. I don’t hate you. Get out of your head, Viktor.”
There was so much shame in his eyes. “I…can’t,” he said, his voice broken.
Viktor nuzzled into my palm so lightly, a tender touch. “It’s…so…fucking…hard.”
“Look at me,” I said again. His eyes met mine and my thumb grazed his bearded cheek. “Love means surrender. It means that my heart needs yours. But, Viktor, you can’t have the deepest passion and the most beautiful love story without heartbreak.”
Tears streamed down my face, but my eyes never left his. He seemed to be transfixed by my words. “And that’s exactly what we went through. We have passion. We have love. And now we’ve had heartbreak. It’s time we move on. Once you fall, you rise and begin again.”
Viktor brought his hand up and ran a finger down my cheek. “We are not weak and you are not a failure,” I whispered.
What we had been through had made us stronger. Viktor just needed to see that.
I let go of him and reached across the bed to open the drawer in his nightstand. There, I found what I was looking for. Taking the yellow and white paper out, I handed it to Viktor.
He stared at me, confused. I exhaled, feeling the tension in my chest squeezing my lungs.
Taking his hand in mine, I ran my thumb over his bruised knuckles. “Can you make me a paper swan, please?” I asked softly.
Viktor’s eyes widened, and he looked down at the paper before taking his hand out of my grasp. He didn’t say a word; instead he started to create magic with his hands. I watched as he silently manipulated the paper, and when he was done, there in the middle of his palm sat a small, beautiful paper swan.
The exact replica of what he gave me before.
The same one that was broken by Valentin.
Viktor released the origami into my own hand, and I smiled up at me, watching all the emotions play on his face. “A new beginning,” I said.
I saw his throat work as he swallowed hard. Viktor’s eyes glistened. “A new beginning.”
What was once broken…had now been mended.
Closing my fist gently over the paper swan, I leaned forward and kissed his lips. There was a lump clogged in my throat but I swallowed it away. His lips were soft under mine and he tasted like always. His smell…his taste felt like home.
