Cleo rubbed her temples. “I teach first graders, Len. It’s just instinctual.”
I groaned, waving both of them off. “Okay, I get it.”
The mattress dipped on my other side. “Do you, though?” Lennox’s face appeared above mine. “Because I’m saying that there will be a shit ton of women tonight who will want to take home a cowboy—especially one who looks like Lincoln. And you’ll have to watch that happen and be okay with it because you’re stuck in a miserable relationship because you think it’s what’sright.”
I bolted up, narrowly missing Lennox. “That’s not true.”
My sister took my hands in hers, her face going severe. “Okay, tell me something… Last time you masturbated, was it to the thought of Ellis or Lincoln?”
Shit.
“Oh my god, Len. I don’t know what this has to do with anything,” I huffed, pulling my hand from hers. I thought she’d been about to tell me something serious. “Don’t you think it’s weird that you want to know stuff like that?”
“You didn’t deny it, though,” Lennox sang as Cleo smacked my arm. “Answer the question, Josie. Lincoln or Ellis?”
“I plead the fifth,” I said, pushing to my feet.
“Have you ever slept with Ellis?” Lennox asked. “I mean, have y’all done anything past first base?”
I closed my eyes, slowly turning around to face her. “There’s been some light petting,” I said, avoiding her gaze.
And by light, I meant he’d grazed my breast during a not-so-heated make out before I’d quickly said goodnight and slipped away.
Out of the corner, I saw Lennox smile like a damn cat. “So, you haven’t passed first base,” she said, counting off her fingers. “You won’t call him your boyfriend.”Another finger.“You think about Lincoln when you bean it.”
“Oh my god, I never said that! Andbeanit? Really, Len?”
It was true, but she didn’t need to know that. Lincoln had secured his spot in my mental spank bank over a year ago after the first time we’d had sex. Over the months, as the loneliness grew, so did my thoughts of him.
Since he’d come back… So had those desires.
I mean, how could they not? He was hot—too hot for his own good. What woman in their right mind could walk away from something like that without keeping a memory or two handy?
“What? There’s not a good word for female masturbation, so I made one up.” She shot me a severe look. “Stop deflecting and answer the question. Lincoln or Ellis, Jos.”
That was what neither of my sisters understood. It wasn’t a question; I think my heart would always choose Lincoln. The problem came from knowing he lived over a thousand miles away, and there would be no sustaining a relationship long-term. He had Frank’s bar, and I had this ranch. I wouldn’t give it up, and I knew he wouldn’t ask me to.
Whether it happened now or five years in the future, someone would lose something they cared about. Without wanting to, one of us would resent the other for what we gave up, and then the love that had once felt so sacred and special would turn into something vicious and ugly.
With Ellis… I don’t know. It seemed like low risk, low reward. Itwasn’t the most romantic notion, but neither of us would have to give up something integral to who we were to be together.
But right here, I could voice a small truth with the two people I trusted more than anything.
The truth of it was, Ellis and I seemed more like a business arrangement than a relationship. It was, yet again, another man that wanted to align himself with me because of the potential monetary value I could add to his life. For once, I wanted someone to sweep in and love me without strings or stipulations.
Like Lincoln.
My phone rang, just as it had all afternoon. I didn’t even need to check to know Ellis’ name would be flashing on the screen. He’d texted me this morning, apologizing for being a douche, but I was sick of half-assed apologies. Honestly, he should’ve thought about that before he’d opened his mouth.
It seemed like he was apologizing a lot lately. I didn’t like it. There shouldn’t be a reason to apologize every time we had a conversation.
I sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling. “Lincoln. I think it’ll always be Lincoln. It won’t change anything. There’re too many obstacles in the way.”
Where I expected them to hoot and holler, I was met with silence. Cleo looked at me with a sad smile. “Don’t make the same mistake I did, Josie,” she said, taking me by surprise. “Don’t let the person you love slip through your fingers without fighting to keep them.”
I wanted to ask what she meant, but there was a knock on Lennox’s door, and she called out, “Come in!” before I could stop her. It swung open, revealing a very hot cowboy on the other side.
Holy shit.
