Cleo rolled her eyes, but hid a smile behind her coffee cup. “He’s really not.”
I wiped my beard with my napkin and cleared my throat. His words struck a chord of pride, and it took everything in me not to puff out my chest. “Yes, sir, I have, and I’m grateful for the consideration.”
“Are you saying no?”
Josie was staring at me. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or ifhe’d just dumped the worst news onto her plate. “No sir, not at all. There are just some things I need to consider back home. I have Frank’s land and the bar. I need to make sure those fall into the right hands if your proposal turns into an offer.”
He nodded. “Absolutely. The land would be no issue. It’s close to the cabin, and I’ve been meaning to buy something up there with ready-made stables. We have several clients from Tennessee that make the trek down here. It’d be nice to take our show on the road a few times a year. You could keep the land, and we could work out a lease agreement.”
I could barely contain my excitement the more he talked, but as Josie’s hand dropped from mine, my world began to crash.
“The bar’s more difficult, to be sure. Frank’s is a staple there, and I sure as hell don’t wanna see it go. We could put out some feelers?—”
“You don’t have to do any of that, sir,” I said quickly, anxiety rising at an alarming speed. “I appreciate the offer—more than I can say, really—but he left it to me, and it’s my responsibility to sort it out. I don’t want to add more to your plate.”
“Nonsense!” he said, leaning back in his chair. “We’re all family here, and if you’re brought on, that includes you, too. I wasn’t lying, Lincoln. To be frank, it’d take one hell of a fuck up to change my mind about offering you a job. It’s just formalities stopping me from dragging you to my office and drawing up an employment contract.”
I forced a smile. “Thank you, sir. I sure appreciate it, but can I get back to you? It’s a big change, and I need to think about a few things first.”
“Why? You got a girl back home?” Doug chuckled, but I didn’t miss Cleo’s glance at Josie. “Take the rest of the summer to get your mind right. My offer will still be on the table whenever you’re ready.”
My breakfast had gone cold as I murmured thanks and cleanedmy plate. When Doug made a move to stand, I held up my hand. “Let me clean up since you cooked. It’s the least I could do.”
“Have at it, son,” he chuckled, waving me off as each person passed me their plate. Josie wouldn’t even look at me, and as I stared at the ranch out the window, I wondered if my time at the ranch would be coming sooner than I thought.
josie
. . .
It wasa good thing I’d stopped keeping track of all the times I’d made mistakes because my list seemed to grow by the day. Freezing the moment an answer to all my problems had appeared hadn’t been one of my finer moments.
Neither was averting my gaze every time Lincoln looked my way afterward.
If Lincoln worked on the ranch, we wouldn’t have to worry about a tearful goodbye at the end of the summer. No wondering if we’d be setting ourselves up for a disaster neither of us could come back from.
But I was so scared to hope because losing Lincoln would be more than I could bear. I wouldn’t survive it again, not when I’d tasted what it could be.
There were so many things I needed to talk to Dad about. Last night’s ordeal would need to be at the top of the list. Ellis was going to be a problem. He’d try to get even; his ego was far too fragile to let go of what happened. I was surprised he hadn’t been out here raising hell already.
That would be tomorrow’s problem once he slept over his hangover and tended to his pride.
And yet, all I could think about was rushing out to the cowboy who had my heart and telling him what I should have said from the beginning: I was damn tired of running from the good in life, and that good was him.
Was it fast? Absolutely. Crazier things had happened. Mom and Dad had met on the rodeo circuit. They’d only known each other five months before they ran off and got married without telling a soul. Both of their parents had been pissed beyond reason, but next year would be their thirty-eighth wedding anniversary, so I guess they did something right.
I was different from my parents, though. They were both sure-footed, confident people, whereas I constantly doubted every move I made. My mind played tricks on me. Overthinking was a given.
There was still the same worrisome thought in the back of my mind, reminding me of why I left in the first place. I could name a million reasons not to try. Most of them began and ended with my own fear.
For thirty years, I’d been waging a war against myself. My mind was a cruel bitch, relentless in her pursuit of my downfall. She teased and taunted me until I was left with nothing but a sea of doubts.
Today was the first day I’d tell that bitch to shut her mouth and go to hell.
I looked out the kitchen window. Lincoln and my dad strolled out of the barn, heads bent in conversation. They’d been out there for nearly half an hour, wearing a trail into the dirt.
Cleo stepped up behind me, resting her head on my shoulder as I stared off into space. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “There’s a part of me that’s scared.”
