1
ANOTHER THREE BREATHS
Ember
“Okay everybody,push up into down-dog, and then hold. Breathe deep, engage your core, you’re doing amazing.” I knew she was trying to be helpful and inspiring and all of that—but truly all I wanted to do was collapse on my mat and throw something. How many times could we hold down-dog in the span of an hour?
Apparently, the answer was at least forty.
After another three breaths, we finally fell back into child’s pose, and I was forced to bite back a groan so as not to interrupt the tranquility of the class with its pretty classical music playing quietly on a loop over the loud-speakers above our heads.
This wasn’t my normal class. The yoga teacher I regularly attended classes with and loved was off in the Bahamas getting married. I told myself this would be fine. A new class,a new teacher, something to push me outside of my comfort zone. Just what the doctor ordered, as they say. However, the imaginary doctor was an idiot—clearly—because this was a shit show.
My normal hot yoga class with pump up jams and my favorite hype girl instructor, who told us ‘not to be little bitches’when it got hard, was off getting a glorious tan and having her brains banged out by her new husband, who looked like he walked out of a Calvin Klein ad.
Me? I was taking a yoga class in another town to get away from the small-town vibes so I could get sweaty in peace, and I wasn’t even sweating. Why? Because sheforgotit was a hot yoga class she was teaching and hadn’t turned on the heat beforehand. It was cold as fuck in this room, which was making my mood somewhat more tumultuous the longer we’d gone on.
We’d finally made it to corpse pose, and I was staring at the ceiling, contemplating why I hadn’t just gotten up and left the moment the class had turned out to not be what I signed up for. Logically, I knew the answer already, but I wasn’t in the mood to deep dive into‘daddy issues’right now.
I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, to just keep it plain and simple.
That was part of the reason why I went to another town for yoga, because if someone wanted to stop and talk, I felt as if I had to, even when I didn’t want to. This crushing, make-believe weight on my chest told me that I couldn’t disappoint anyone if no one here actually knew me. If they didn’t know me, they couldn’t form an actual opinion on me. At least not one they’d recall down the road.
I laid on my mat, forcing my eyes closed as I attempted to command my body into relaxation mode—maybe if I couldturn my brain off from work for even a few moments, I’d be less stressed for a few days.Maybe. Hopefully.
“Have you heard about that new dating app?” a soft voice asked from next to me. I tried to ignore her, especially because I knew she wasn’t talking to me. She’d done nothing but talk to her friend the entirety of the class when the instructor wasn’t telling us to push back into down-dogagain.
“Oh my gosh, Kara, it isn’t adatingapp. It’s a sex app,” the second voice replied, her hushed whisper louder than she thought it was, judging by the gasps, uncomfortable shifts, and chuckles from around the now silent class.
“Whatever. So you’ve heard of it?” Kara continued, completely ignorant of the glares she was now garnering. “They’re taking applications to try it out for the next few months while the company that made it works out all the bugs and shit. Supposedly, you get an intro discount if they accept you and you join the club. I want to sign up,” Kara whispered.
On one hand, I was annoyed. Talk about this outside of yoga class. Please. On the other hand, was that even safe? Did they upload naked photos of themselves onto it? I felt my anxiety spike over the mere thought of information like that getting out about me, but I forced out an indignant breath. I wasn’t angry with the women next to me, no, I was angry at myself for allowing my personal issues that weren’t even my own fault to cloud my judgment of what others around me deemed okay for their own lives.
That wasn’t me at all, and I refused to allow the dark, gloomy cloud that was my life right now to make it me.
“We should totally apply after class. Smoothies?” Kara asked.
“Absolutely.”
I groaned—I couldn’t stop it. It actually escaped my lips. It felt as if everything around me was forcing my brain back to reality, and I wanted to scream. Fuck it all. Maybe I’d embrace the dark, gloomy cloud today.
With my heart now racing almost as fast as my thoughts, I lost it. Getting up to my feet, I rolled up my mat without sparing a glance at anyone, and walked out, only stopping to grab my sandals. The front door opened, and I headed out into the bright Colorado sunshine, a full breath of fresh air calming my nerves slightly. It was mid-August, which meant that during the day the sun could appear, forcing everyone in its grasp to deal with a blistering summer heat that came from being almost seven thousand feet above sea level, and then that same sun could drop and you could freeze to death in a matter of hours.
I was in a pair of my favorite lilac purple leggings, my white fuzzy slides, and a white off-the-shoulder crop top that showed off my matching purple bra strap. I knew my mom would have shit to say about me showing up to lunch in my workout clothes, but honestly, I couldn’t be bothered to care today. It was my one and only day off during the week, and I was going to wear what I wanted.
Wednesday was the only day of the week I closed down my bakery, Buns of Delight. I could hire an employee and have someone come in and help me, keeping it open all week, but I just couldn’t seem to let go of the control I ached to have at all times. Mom called me a workaholic, but truly, my little bakery in the heart of Raven Creek was my entire life. When my grandfather passed away a few years ago, he left my two brothers and me fifty thousand dollars each. I had no idea what my brothers had done with theirs, but I literally poured mine into my business. I spent half putting adown payment on the building I now owned, and the other half into the business itself.
The first year my doors were open, I slept on a mattress in the middle of the second floor of my newly bought building. Then, over the last two years, I’d managed to furnish it, making it a fully functioning apartment instead of a vast open room with some windows and brick walls. In the three years that Buns of Delight had been in business, I’d gotten myself fully in the green as far as profits went, and the only thing I could credit the success to was my ability to work my ass off every single day to ensure it happened.
I knew most people thought the idea of a twenty-one-year-old starting a business was nuts, but now, at twenty-four, I was the one laughing because I had done the damn thing. Was it stressful as hell? Yes. Did it take up most of my time every single day? Yes. Did I have any social life at all? Absolutely not.
But I didn’t care. I knew Grandpa Joe would be proud as fuck if he were here to see it in action, and that was what mattered to me. Anyone else’s thoughts, feelings, and doubts were none of my business.
I opened the door to the small cafe where I was meeting my mom this afternoon. It was only a few blocks down from the yoga studio I went to classes at, and happened to be in the same town my mom lived in.
I’d grown up in Raven Creek, but after Grandpa Joe passed, he left my mom the house she’d grown up in. Which, unsurprisingly, she’d immediately sold, saying she couldn’t stand to be the town’s gossip for one more moment, and since there was nothing holding her there anymore, she left. Twenty miles over the county lines truly did wonders for her mental health—at least that was what she told me—so whowas I to judge? I always thought she’d move as far away as possible, but instead, she’d only moved to Pine Shallows.
I spotted her quickly, her dark strawberry blond hair in bouncy curls today. The pretty white sundress and strappy white heels completed her perfect ensemble. Lori Dunagan was the type of woman who had a twenty-two-step skincare routine and never left her bedroom without her hair and makeup done, just in case she met someone who would absolutely change her life that day and needed to make a solid first impression. That couldn’t be done in yoga pants and a stained tank top after all.
