“A favour?” I spit, then I realise what is going on. He had changed. “You want a free reincarnation, don’t you? You think this is some discount bin-reboot program?”
He doesn’t flinch.
“Friend, please. I want to go back. I want to try again. As me.Fullyme. Human. No more slime. No more rot. Just… a second chance.”
Now, here's the thing. IlikeEddy. Not enough to kiss his feet or anything—he's still tragically over-sentimental—but he’s one of the few Bin-Spirits who didn’t lose themselves in the muck or didn’t try to crown themselfLord of the Landfillor build a temple out of old mattresses.
He fell in love. Broke a curse. Grew a soul.
Ugh. Gross.
But also… impressive.
So, I stand, all regal and sticky. Spread my arms wide like a raccoon pope and boom, “I, Grumble the Eternal, King of the Rot, declare this most uncommon of occasions—”
“—a Rare Kindness?” He asks.
My eyes shoot him a dirty look. Well, they always are dirty, but this is one of disdain. “Don’t ruin my moment.”
I summon the council; a sock puppet made of earwax, a dead pigeon whose owner used to do taxes, and the ghost of a half-eaten burrito.
They vote. Unanimously.
“He’s annoying but kind of i-coo-nic,” the pigeon says.
“Fine,” I declare. “By the sovereign stench of my crown, I grant theeThe Rot’s Rare Kindness—one (1) human rebirth, at the age you died, to the year we are today. Limited warranty, no returns. If you die again, that’s it.”
Eddy blinks. “So… I’ll live again?”
“You’ll start fresh. Clean slate. New name, new paperwork, new social security number—”
“FUCK YEAH! I’m so happy, I could kiss-.” Eddy runs up to me, and I hold my arms up in defence trying to bash him off.
“Whatever. Just don’t come crying to me if it all goes to shit!”
Eddy grins.
He steps back and his body begins to glow. And in that final moment, before the rebirth bin shimmers open, he turns and says:
“Thank you, Grumble.”
To which I reply, “Never speak of this again or I will flush your soul down a dimension where feelings are illegal.”
Then he is gone.
Back to the mortal realm.
Back to the boy with the mop and the heartbreak.
Somewhere, in a world where the bins still clatter in moonlight, a new hire with amber eyes is clocking in for his first shift… and I, the royal rotted one, await the day my throne is challenged. The spirit realm of the Rot will now be unbalanced, unsettled, knowing that I had allowed one lucky soul to return. I hear the rumblings of a war brewing in the sewers.
But instead, I return to my throne. Bidet still cracked.
Empire still reeking.
But maybe, justmaybe, the Rot isn’t all bad.
First Look at Accounting On Him
