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He lifts one eyebrow. “Why not?”
“Wes and I aren’t together anymore. That’s why. You know that. I don’t know why you’re going on like we are.”
The second the words leave my mouth, my eyes dash over to Wes. Pain flickers across his face, and once again I’m reminded of how shitty a human being I am for continuing to hurt him. I can’t take this—sitting in this room one second longer—dragging out a relationship that I know is over. I can’t sit here and worry that I’m going to say the wrong thing at any moment and hurt Wes all over again. He doesn’t deserve that.
I shove away from the table and throw my napkin down. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
I turn toward the front door and race through it. I know I’m being a coward—that I should be braver and face up to Wes about how I’ve treated him—but I just can’t. I know that’s wrong of me, but I don’t know what else to do.
The night air hits me as soon as I’m outside, and a chill rushes up my spineless back.
“London, wait up!” Wes calls from behind me, but I keep trudging forward until I make it to my car, which is parked along the curb out in front of my father’s house.
I hit the key fob and the lights flash, letting me know I’ve unlocked it.
“London, please,” Wes begs, but I don’t stop.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Wes. I can’t have this conversation with you right now.”
He steps beside me and places his hand on the car door, not allowing me to open it. “Won’t you just talk to me? What happened back there?”
Tears instantly streak down my face, and there’s no way I can hold them back. “I’m no good for you, Wes. You deserve better than me. Don’t you see that? Why do you keep trying to hold on to this relationship? It’s never going to work.”
He shakes his head. “No. London, I deserve you. I always have. If Jared hadn’t been in the way—”
“Stop!” I command. “Don’t bring him up.”
“I have to,” he says. “He’s the reason we’re having problems. Hell, he’s not even around anymore and I still can’t escape living in my little brother’s shadow.”
“You’re not living in his shadow.”
He shakes his head. “But I am. I always wanted you. I’ve always been the right brother for you, but you, just like everyone else, got wrapped up in Jared’s charms and couldn’t see how much I’ve always loved you. You never paid any attention to me until he was gone. I was background noise until he decided to walk out on all of you.”
“We’ve always been friends, Wes. Always. But you knew that I loved your brother. You know how much he meant to me.”
Wes throws his hands into the air. “God, I can’t believe you still love him after all this time. When are you going to face it, London? He’s gone. He left you—me—hell, even his own mother. He never gave two shits about any of us. I figured that out the minute he left us behind to start a new life. We were all hurting, and he didn’t care about anyone but himself.” Wes’s eyes stare into mine. “It’s time you realize you’re waiting on a ghost—a memory of the person you thought he was. He’s moved on, and I wish you could too, and when you do, I want it to be with me. Please, London, I love you. I always have. Think about what we could have if you let him go.”
My mouth grows dry as I absorb every word he says. He’s right—I know he is—and everything he said is the truth, but how can I make him understand that Jared was my soul mate, and there’s no easy way to fill the hole made when your other half is ripped away without any explanation?
“Wes . . .” I chew on the inside of my lower lip as I search for the right words to say. “I just need more time, and I know that’s unfair to ask of you, but that’s what I need. I can’t be with you and not think of him.”
He sighs deeply while a frown pulls at the corners of his mouth. “If time and space are what you need, then I’ll give that to you. I know you’ve been through a lot. I’ve been with you through it all, so I understand. When you’re ready to talk about things and where we stand, call me, and we’ll figure all this out.”
His words are saying that he’s all right with the situation, but I know this is killing him. It’s written all over his face.
“Thank you,” is all I
can manage to say.
Wes has always been the thoughtful and understanding Kraft boy. He was the one who worked in his mother’s shop for hours on end because she needed the extra help. He was the one who volunteered at the animal shelter to nurture the sick and abandoned pets that people no longer wanted. He’s also the brother who held what was left of his family together when tragedy struck. Like my dad, Wes is a fixer, and I guess when he saw how broken I was five years ago, he made it his mission to put me back together.
We stand there in silence. No words need to be said for us each to know the other is hurting. I wish I could end his pain, but there’s no easy way to stop loving somebody.
“I’ve got to go,” I tell him as I place my hand on the handle of the car door.
He nods and takes a step back, allowing me space to open the door. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Okay.” It’s the last thing I tell him before I jump in my car and speed away, wondering if there’s even a way to fix something as broken as my smashed-up heart.
