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I guess it is possible that I might be pregnant. Wes and I didn’t use birth control—messing around with my hormones made me too weepy—but I did keep track of when I ovulate so that we could avoid sex around those times. We haven’t been married long enough to even entertain the idea of starting a family.
When Dr. Friedman leaves the room, the dark-haired nurse pokes he
r head back through the door. “London, if you’ll come with me over to the restroom.”
I follow her but am in full-on robot mode, just going through the motions. I chew the meaty flesh on the inside of my bottom lip, trying to hide the fact that my heart is beating a thousand miles a minute inside my chest as I try not to freak the fuck out until I know if I’m pregnant or not.
She opens the door to the restroom and hands me plastic cup that has my name on it. “Fill it up to the line and then open the little door on the wall and set it inside. Any questions?”
“No,” I whisper.
After I provide the sample, she sticks me back into the exam room, where I wait for what feels like forever for the doctor to come back in and give me the results.
Dr. Friedman sits back down at the little desk across from me. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”
My eyes widen, and I suck in a quick breath. “Are you sure?”
I clutch my chest at the realization of how this will affect getting back together with Jared. It can never happen now—not after this.
He nods. “Our tests are pretty accurate, but of course, we always do a full blood workup too. Since you can’t remember the date of your last menstrual period, there’s no way to know for sure exactly how far along you are. You’ll need to make an appointment with an OB to confirm the pregnancy, and if you need help finding one, let my staff in the front office know, and they can help you. In the meantime, I’m going to write you a one-month supply of prenatal vitamins and advise you to start eating healthy. Follow the basic food groups, limit your caffeine intake, and absolutely no alcohol. Any questions?”
My entire body is numb, and while I’m sure I’ll have a million questions later on, I can’t think of a single one right now. The only thing that’s on my mind is telling Jared.
I stare up at the doctor and do my best to fight back tears as I shake my head.
“I know this is a lot to take in, especially if you weren’t trying to get pregnant. Go home and talk about this with your partner, and I’m sure that will help.”
I walk out of that office completely stunned with a handful of pamphlets and my first OB appointment. The idea of a baby and having a family of my own is something I’ve always dreamed about, but I never planned on things happening like this. This isn’t the most opportune time to bring a life into this world, considering Wes and I are separated and I don’t see any way of fixing our marriage. What in the hell am I going to do? When Wes finds out about this baby, he’s going to fight like hell to make our marriage work.
When I reach my car, there’s only one person I can think of to speak with about this situation—the one person who I know I’m about to lose again.
NOW
LONDON
I park in front of Julie’s house and take a deep breath, feeling thankful that Julie isn’t home for this conversation I’m about to have with her son. Of all the scenarios I’ve ever pictured in my head when I think about Jared, walking in to tell him that I’m pregnant with his brother’s baby isn’t one of them.
I hop out of the car and make my way up the sidewalk of the little blue house while dread creeps over me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to break this to him. Hell, I haven’t even fully processed this myself.
I knock on the door, and I hear movement on the other side. When Jared opens it, he grins and his beautiful blue eyes sparkle with excitement.
“London.” He says my name with what sounds like a relieved sigh as his strong, tattooed arms wrap around me. “I’ve missed you.”
I pull back and open my mouth but then quickly close it as tears stream down my face. Confusion washes over Jared’s face as he leads me into the house and closes the door behind us. I can tell that he’s concerned, but he doesn’t say anything for a long minute.
I stare up into his eyes, and suddenly I know it will kill me to tell him what I’ve just discovered.
When I try to turn away, Jared grabs my waist and halts me from leaving.
Jared bites his bottom lip as he cradles my face in his hands and I hold on to his back. “Tell me, please,” he begs. “Whatever it is—we’ll get through this. Let me be there for you.”
“I . . .” I pause as every nerve in my body begins to jitter. It’s so wrong of me to even entertain the idea of telling Jared about the baby before Wes knows, but I feel like he needs to know. He needs to know the reason that I can’t be with him and why this time it’s me walking out of his life forever.
If I thought telling him I married his brother was hard, telling him I am carrying his brother’s baby is going to gut me, but this is one secret that I can’t hide from him. “I’m pregnant.”
All of the muscles in his back tense under my fingers. He slowly pulls back. “That’s why you were sick yesterday?”
I nod. “Yes. I just came from the doctor. I thought it was stress and that I was just on the verge of having a mental breakdown with everything going on—the divorce, you—but that wasn’t the case. They did a urine test and told me that I wasn’t sick, just pregnant.”
