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The second thing I want to tell you is that I love you, and if, God forbid, I don’t make it home to tell you this myself, I’m so very proud of the man that you’ve become. You are so strong and have talent coming out of your pores. Anything you’ve ever set your mind to doing, you’ve always succeeded at, and I admire that.
I want you to know if I’m on the other side, I’m watching over you, and I’ll be around to give you a swift angel-style ass kickin’ if you get out of line, so be good.
Well, that’s about all I can think of—you know how I hate writing letters. Make sure you take care of your mother for me. If I’m gone, she’s going to need you. Same goes for your brother. I know he’s older than you, but he looks up to you.
Oh, and would you mind giving your mom and Wes their letters if I am gone? I would appreciate it. But, if you’ve found this and I’m still away, just put them in a place where no one else will find them.
Love,
Dad
Tears stream down my face as I read the letter over and over. I can practically hear his voice in my head as I read the words. This is exactly how he would’ve spoken to me had he been here. I cradle the letter to my chest and finally release all the built-up tears I’ve been holding back for my father.
NOW
LONDON
It’s been a month since I lost the baby. The first few days after it happened, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. It’s been so hard to keep it together, because every time I think about the little life I lost before I even fully had a chance to accept that I was pregnant to begin with, I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. Sam’s been around a lot, motivating me to get up and keep living my life. I don’t know what I would’ve done if she hadn’t been here for me.
Jared called more times than I can count, begging to come see me, but I told him that I just wasn’t ready to deal with things between us right now, that I needed some time to myself, so he’s recently settled for texting me once a day. Losing the baby, ending my marriage for good—it all took a toll on me, and I didn’t think I could handle hearing Jared reject me too if he decided he could no longer be with me.
Julie stops in quite a bit too, and I’m grateful for that. She knows everything that’s been going on with me and both of her sons and hasn’t once said one cross word to me about the situation.
Wes was devastated over the loss. When we were in the emergency room, he sat by my side and held my hand while we both cried together after the doctor told us that the baby was gone. Hearing that news—it’s not something I’d wish on my worst enemy, because that was the worst day of my life.
Wes and I haven’t talked much since then. When he came home with me to care for me after the miscarriage, he begged me to work things out with him—to not go through with the divorce—but I told him I just didn’t love him the way he deserved. After that, I think he finally came to terms with my decision. He called to check on me a few times, but after he was sure that I was all right, he began contacting me less.
For the last week and a half I haven’t heard at all from him, so I can’t say that I’m shocked to be sitting here staring at a stack of dissolution papers that I just received from Wes’s attorney. I’m not sad like I thought I would be when this day finally came. It’s more of a relief to know that things are officially over between us—that Wes is in agreement that we can never make this marriage work.
Peyton and Brody busy themselves playing with a few toys that Sam brought over with them while I nervously pick at my fingernails. Sam’s been over nearly every day since school let out two weeks ago, and it’s been nice having her and the boys here so I don’t have to be alone.
Sam sets her coffee mug onto the table at the end of my couch. “London, have you decided if you’re going to go see Jared before he goes back on tour now that they’ve found Wicked White’s front man? I mean, that’s no secret that you’re still hung up on him.”
I shrug. “I’ve been trying to create some space between me and the Kraft boys. I don’t know if I should go talk to him. It feels too soon to run from Wes to Jared since the baby and everything.”
“You’ve been through a lot, and I’m sure Jared doesn’t want to push you to be with him until you’re ready, so he’ll wait. I have a feeling that guy isn’t going anywhere,” Sam says.
The phone rings, and my head snaps. “What if it’s Wes checking to see if I got these papers? I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him just yet.”
Sam sighs while the phone continues to ring, but I don’t dare check the caller ID. “London, you love Jared. It’s no secret. We all know it. Wes knows it too. If you and Jared decide to get back together, it won’t shock anyone, especially not Wes. It’s time you finally make a decision about who you want to be with. I don’t want to see you go back to that sad sack who is still hung up on a man from the past. Either be with Jared or move on.”
I sigh. She’s right. My life is at a crossroads, and I need to pick a path to move forward on.
I reach over and pick the phone up. “Hello?”
“London, can I come over? We need to talk.” Jared’s voice makes me sit up a little straighter because it’s like a sign of fate.
I lick my lips slowly and then take a deep breath. I have the feeling my future is about to be given a clear path. “Okay. I’ll be here.”
The sound of car keys jingling in the background catches my attention before he says, “I’m on my way, then. See you in twenty minutes.”
He gives no further explanation as to what’s so urgent that he needs to come over here right away, and my mind goes crazy playing a million different scenarios of what’s about to go down.
Sam stares at me. “Wes?”
I shake my head as I set the phone back down, still wondering what’s going to happen when he gets here. “No, actually, that was Jared. He said we need to talk and he’ll be here soon.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Then that’s my cue to load up my heathens and split.”
