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“Claire,” he says my name loud enough for me to hear. His chest rumbles beneath my touch, sending little shock waves through my body. “Claire—”
I lean down, hoping that I can find his lips in the dark. By a stroke of luck, I do. I press my lips to his, and my body tingles.
My first kiss…
For that one moment, everything is okay. Nothing standing between us, not age or morals. No one is hunting us. My parents are alive, and Lucca isn’t a criminal.
We’re just two people who like each other.
For this single moment, I’m happy. I forget everything around us and simply enjoy Lucca’s warm lips against mine. One moment…
I should have known that there is no lasting happiness for me.
Lucca grabs me by the hips and pushes me off him. The next instant, the light flickers on, and the reality of what I’ve done comes crashing down on me.
“What the fuck are you doing, Claire?” Lucca yells loud enough for me, and everyone else in this hotel to hear. His eyes briefly roam over my naked body before he looks away with disgust. “Jesus, Claire! Put some fucking clothes on.”
I can pinpoint the exact moment my heart breaks in two. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t like my body. He finds me repulsive. He won’t even look at me.
Never in my life have I felt so humiliated and disgusted with myself.
In a haste, I grab my clothes off the chair and put them back on. Even fully dressed, the feeling of being exposed doesn’t leave me.
Without facing Lucca again, I get into the second bed and pull the blanket over me. I’ve turned away from him, so I can only see the wall, but I know he is going to want to talk before he turns off the light.
As predicted, he walks around the bed to stand right in front of me. I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep, but of course, he knows better.
“Claire,” he calls to me, touching my shoulder lightly.
My eyes fly open, and I pull away as if his touch burns my skin.
“What?” I ask, like I’m oblivious to the situation.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. You caught me by surprise. It was a poor decision to let you sleep in the bed with me, to begin with. I take responsibility for that.”
Way to dig the knife in deeper.
I turn away, unable to listen to him any longer, but he doesn’t let me get away. Pinching my chin, he tilts my face, so I’m looking at him. Unable to look anywhere else, I’m forced to stare into his amber eyes.
“Look, you don’t have to be embarrassed. You’re a teenager. Hormones are making you feel all kinds of things. It’s normal to have a crush on someone older than you.”
He might as well have slapped me with what he said.
“I’m not a child.”
Lucca’s gaze turns to steel. “To me, you are.”
Not able to take any more of this, I shrug away from his hold and pull the blanket over my head. I know it won’t protect me from anything, especially not from Lucca, but for the rest of the night, I pretend it does. I pretend this fluffy hotel comforter is a steel wall protecting me from the world.
Rejection settles deep into my bones. Tear after tear falls from my eyes and runs down the side of my face. I imagine every single one falling onto the mattress and staining it forever, just like my heart.
18
Lucca
The air is tense, and after the way things ended last night, awkward. I hate that our last day together has come and that we’ve found ourselves in this situation. Claire can’t even look at me and turns her body away from mine when we get in the car to head to the suburbs where she’ll be staying.
I try to think of an easier way to approach this, one that doesn’t result in me beating her down or embarrassing her further, but I don’t know if there is a way around it. No matter what, she is going to walk away from this ashamed of herself, wondering if there is something wrong with her that makes me not want her.
“You know, it’s okay, Claire. It’s just an innocent little crush, nothing to get bent out of shape about or be ashamed of.”
She doesn’t respond, and her silence makes my grip on the steering wheel tighten. I have to nip this in the bud, end it before it gets out of hand.
“Look, it’s just your hormones messing with your head. Whatever feelings you’re having, they’ll go away.”
She turns in her seat and crosses her arms over her chest. Of course, she would be stubborn about this too.
“And what if it doesn’t?”
I grit my teeth. “It will. You’ll find someone your own age, someone who likes the same things as you do. Someone special.”
