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“I’ve had help. Thanks anyway.” I start to get up, but she reaches out and coaxes me back to the couch.
“I’m not trying to pry, Evan. I promise.”
“Sounds like prying to me.” I don’t meet her eyes, but I keep my voice low enough to be defensive but not hostile. It’s a balancing act.
“He worries about you, you know.”
I clench my hands. The motion is involuntary. Her words aren’t what I am expecting, and I have to process the information before I can respond.
“I’m fine.”
It’s her turn to cross her arms and give me a hard look. It reminds me of Lele in a way that pisses me off, reminding me of my goal.
“I don’t sleep well.” The statement is careful enough. It doesn’t give her anything, but her widened eyes and the way she leans a little closer to me tell me that she feels she’s made progress.
“What’s going on, Evan? You seem troubled.”
I rub my chin with my fingers and clear my throat. I start biting at the edge of my fingernail and pretend to contemplate.
“You know whatever you tell me won’t be repeated, right? Not even to Rinaldo.?
??
Believe me, you aren’t going to be saying anything to anyone.
“Oh yeah?” I say. “I thought you shrinks had to report shit if I said I wanted to hurt someone else or myself.”
I laugh humorlessly.
Felisa smiles and nods.
“Maybe,” she says, “if I worked in a clinic or if I was concerned about losing my license.”
“I would hope you’d tell Rinaldo anything you heard,” I tell her. “You work for him, right?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, he’s the boss, and you shouldn’t keep shit from him.” Placing her on the defensive is a risky move, but if I can pull it off, she’ll buy anything I say afterwards.
She keeps her eyes trained on mine. I can read the thoughts in her mind as easily as if they were displayed across her forehead. She thinks I’m trying to divert the conversation—steer it away from myself. She waits patiently and silently for me to get back on track.
I let out a big sigh.
“I haven’t talked about it for a long time,” I say. “I had a shrink a while ago, but I haven’t seen him.”
“I’m happy to listen to whatever you have to say, Evan.”
I lick my lips, going for nervousness. I glance at the open office door and furrow my brow.
“Would you like me to close the door?” she asks.
“Yeah…well, actually”—I pause and look up at her—“would you mind if we went somewhere else? Fuck knows who will walk in here.”
“Sure,” she says, smiling again. “Where shall we go?”
“My car’s outside. Maybe just go for a little drive?”
“That would be nice.”
