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Instead, I jerked away from him, my anger finally making a comeback so I could reinforce the walls that had started to crumble when I first saw him standing on my front porch. “You made your choice, Jags,” I told him as I put the island between us.
His jaw tightened, and I watched a mixture of emotions cross his handsome face before he spoke again. “It was the wrong one. I knew that as soon as I saw your face when you caught me with Gretchen.”
“Gretchen,” I repeated, hating how my voice cracked. “That was her name?”
He clenched his eyes shut for a second before he nodded. “Yeah. She was just some girl from school. I swear to you, she doesn’t mean anything to me.”
I shrugged, knowing he was speaking the truth. “I didn’t think she did. There’s never been a girl who’s meant anything to you, Jags. To you and my brother, all girls are good for is a few hours of fun.”
“No,” he denied, shaking his head adamantly. It caused his dark brown hair to fall onto his forehead, and I had to clench my hands into fists when I had the insane urge to push those locks into place. “You’re more than that, and you know it, Dimples. I’ll admit that I kept my distance because I was reluctant to give up my friendship with Cannon, but from the very second I looked at you as more than a little sister, I have—”
“What?” I interrupted with a scoff. “Loved me?”
He clenched his jaw, but he nodded. “Yes.”
His immediate answer made my chest squeeze in a funny, painful way, and I felt tears start to sting my eyes. But I blinked them back and lifted my chin. “You loved me so much, you broke my heart?”
“I was scared. Of losing Cannon. Of losing you if things didn’t work out between us.”
“And you decided to push me straight out of your life.”
“I didn’t completely think it through.” His shoulders drooped, but he didn’t lower his gaze. “I was just trying to fix things, and instead, I fucked everything up. I’m sorry, Shaw. I know I messed up, and I’m willing to do anything to fix it and prove to you I’m in this for the long haul.”
I stood there, my heart beating so hard against my ribs it was hard to breathe. I wanted to believe him, wanted him to mean what he said. I wanted so many things. But then Violet’s lost eyes came back to haunt me, and my own fear began to choke me.
I loved Jagger, and he’d already hurt me once. I didn’t know if I could handle it if he did it again. I wasn’t like Violet. I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut and not throw a total fit. I would want to cause bodily and emotional harm so bad, Jagger would need professional help.
“Dimples…” His voice turned imploring when I dropped my eyes to the counter and let a single tear fall. “I know you want us to be the next Vi and Luca, and I can give you that. I swear. I’ll make you so damn happy that—”
“I don’t want anything that even resembles their relationship,” I gritted out. “I don’t need that kind of love and devotion. Maybe I thought it was what I wanted, but knowing what I know now, that it was all just a mirage of a boy playing at forever, I’d rather not travel down that road.”
His brow furrowed. “What does that mean?”
“It means my heart is no longer on the table for you or anyone else to stomp all over,” I told him honestly. “It belongs to me and no one else. That way, I know it’s safe.”
“We both know it’s already mine,” he growled and stepped toward me. “I fucked up, but it won’t happen again. I swear I’ll show you that you come first with me.”
“That might have been nice if you’d done it before the party, but now, I’m not interested.” When he came closer, I lifted both hands, trying to keep him at bay. “Stop, Jags.”
He grasped my wrists and pressed my hands flat against his hard chest. I felt how hard his heart was pounding under my palm. I didn’t know if it was from my touch or something else, but I could feel how out of control he was even though he was pretending to be calm.
“You’re just mad,” he tried to soothe, but his voice was full of determination. “I’ll fix this. I’ll show you. You’ll forgive me, and we can start our forever.”
“I won’t. I’m over this.” It was another huge lie, but I refused to ever go through what was happening to Violet. This was for the best. For everyone. I didn’t want to hurt any more than I already was, and I sure as hell didn’t want to lose any more than I already had.
Releasing one of my hands, he cupped the side of my face, using his thumb under my chin to tilt my head back so I was forced to meet his gaze. “Tell me you don’t love me,” he commanded. “Tell me, and I’ll walk away right now.”
“I don’t love you.”
I saw the flash of pain in his blue eyes, but he grinned because my voice had cracked, telling us both exactly how big of a liar I really was. “Say it again.”
“I…don’t…” Tears spilled from my eyes without my permission. I gulped back the sob suddenly wanting to be free. “I don’t want to love you.”
“But you do,” he murmured, tenderly wiping away my tears. “And I love you too, Dimples.”
“For now.” I leaned into his touch for a moment, giving myself just a few more seconds of being close to him before I jerked away.
“For eternity,” he vowed and caught my hips in both his hands again. He locked me in place as he pressed his front to my back. Goose bumps popped up along my entire body as he kissed my exposed neck. “You’re it for me, Shaw. I only want you. I only love you. And even if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, I don’t care. I’ll do what I have to just to show you we belong together.”
