A sense of fear formed in the pit of her stomach. ‘That was more than a year before the accident.’
‘That’s my last memory. I can remember us on the trams, when we climbed that funny mountain…what was it called?’
‘Uetliberg.’ She smiled tentatively. He’d never been able to remember the name of it.
‘Memory problems are really common after what happened to me.’ The sentence took a while to come out, he seemed to be panicking, getting emotional, and Lydia reached out to him but withdrew her hand after she reassuringly patted him on the knee. Somehow it didn’t feel right. Not now. Not after everything that had happened.
Lydia tried to think of some of the things they’d done in the time since Zurich. She wound back to the Christmas before the accident. ‘Do you remember ice skating in London, going to Winter Wonderland and seeing the ice sculptures?’ He shook his head. ‘What about watching the circus?’ He shook his head again but she persisted. ‘You must remember that, it was terrifying! The man climbing the ladder almost fell and the audience laughed thinking it was all part of the act, but we could tell it wasn’t.’
‘I don’t remember.’
‘Well what about buying our new sofa and armchairs?’
He grinned. ‘Doesn’t sound like something I’d need to remember.’
‘We had a huge row about it. I’d insisted they were perfect for our house and when they were delivered they were too big for the lounge. We had an argument and I threw your trainers at your head.’
He smiled, softly now as though he’d already accepted something she hadn’t. ‘Did you get me?’
‘Of course I did. You pretended you were really hurt, said they’d smacked you in the eye and when I got all concerned you started laughing.’
‘I don’t remember, Lydia. Mum’s filled in some blanks: Uncle Morris’s funeral, don’t remember that; a promotion at work and being flown to San Francisco to speak at a conference, I don’t remember that either. Lydia, I have no memory of the year before my accident.’
Her heart sank.
Because if he didn’t remember that year, it meant he wouldn’t remember what he’d done. And if he didn’t remember, then what she’d done in the last couple of months would make no sense to him, it’d hurt him beyond all recognition.
