Lydia smiled. ‘In the last month, I’ve actually vegged out and watched some television at night, whereas before I was on autopilot between home, the hospital and work. Any time I had spare, I felt guilty if I didn’t go and see him, talk to him, if it was visiting hours. And I exhausted myself so much that when it was outside those core hours, all I could do was sleep.’
Grace lifted the bottle of wine from the floor where it stood and topped up their glasses. ‘You know you can stay here when you visit, don’t you?’
‘No disrespect, but I’m not sure I could handle your mum on my own. Without you here I’d be in the nearest bed and breakfast.’
Grace shot her a look that spoke of total understanding. ‘Mum’s a neat freak, always has been. Staying with her for a couple of nights now and then is okay, but after that you want to be able to breathe again.’
‘How did Theo ever stand it?’
Grace grinned and they both giggled. ‘Theo has Mum wrapped around his little finger. He always has. He could have the messiest bedroom when he was little and always get away with it in a way I never could. He was and still is the golden-eyed boy.
‘I don’t resent him for it,’ she went on. ‘He was always closer to Mum than I was. I was closer to Dad and then when he left I think I put up a few barriers. I blamed Mum for him leaving, even though it wasn’t her fault. He had an affair, he made his bed. But of course, there’s always more to the story. I didn’t know about the affair for a while and by the time I found out, I think Mum and I had already drifted apart a little. We’re okay now but I still know Theo is closer to her. He’d call her once a week at least, but then you probably know that, and they’d have a good chat. Mum and I don’t talk more than a couple of times a month, and to be honest our time is better when we see each other in person. I don’t know why, it’s just the way it is.’
Theo had never mentioned the difference between his relationship with his parents and Grace’s. It was a whole new side to his life that Lydia didn’t know about. ‘I wonder why he had an affair,’ she said.
Grace nursed her red wine. ‘Do you know about Christopher?’
Lydia shook her head.
‘Christopher was our little brother, or at least he was Theo’s. I never met him because he died right before I was born. He had meningitis.’
‘I never knew.’ Lydia put down her glass. ‘Theo never said a word.’
A look passed between them before Grace carried on. ‘The name Christopher hasn’t been mentioned in this house for as long as I can remember, but I found out the whole story when I was little. I was going through the jewellery phase and like most little girls I wanted to dress in Mum’s clothes and then accessorise. One day I found a locket in the bottom of her underwear drawer – I hope I wasn’t trying on her knickers but I don’t remember now…’ It got a laugh from Lydia. ‘Anyway, I prised open the locket and there were two photographs inside. One was Theo – he’s shockingly very much like his baby photos – but I had no idea who the other was. It was definitely a boy and not Theo. He was sitting upright in the garden with the cheekiest look on his face and clapping his hands together. Of course I went straight to Mum and asked her and I remember the moment even now, so vividly. She’d been wiping down the bench tops in the kitchen, the windows were open and it was a spring day much like this afternoon, with the waft of lavender on the air, the twittering of birds from outside that hadn’t been heard since before winter. Her happy-go-lucky mood disappeared in an instant when I showed her the locket I’d found. But she told me everything there and then.’
‘It must’ve been a shock.’
‘It was. But she’s never spoken to me about it since. I don’t know, sometimes I wonder if her unwillingness to be open with me contributed to me siding with Dad, resenting her in a way.’
‘I’m so sorry, Grace.’
‘It was a long time ago.’ She sipped her wine. ‘Don’t mention to Mum that you know. Maybe Theo never told you because he never wanted her to face questions, I don’t know. Or maybe he wanted to forget about it too. But I think what it did was make him really protective of his mum, from a very early age, and his behaviour never waned into adulthood. They still bickered as all kids do with their parents, but I think he tried to be strong for her and make up for the other little boy who should’ve still been in her life.’
The breeze outside lifted, and as Grace shut the doors to the conservatory and dropped the latch across, Anita knocked on the door.
‘I hope I’m not disturbing you. I wondered whether either of you would like a hot chocolate and perhaps a scone.’
Lydia had fully intended on collapsing into bed early tonight and avoiding further conversation with Anita, but after what she’d heard she didn’t have the gall to do it to the woman, not now. ‘That sounds lovely.’ She looked across at Grace who’d settled onto the sofa by stretching her feet out. ‘Grace? You coming?’
Grace clearly had no intention of joining Anita either, until she picked up on Lydia’s vibe. They both stood up and followed Anita to the kitchen.
‘What time are you seeing Theo tomorrow?’ Anita put three scones into the oven to heat through. Grace was already on hand with preparation for the hot chocolates and warming the milk on the stove.
‘I thought I’d fit in around you.’ Lydia spooned out raspberry jam into one bowl and clotted cream into another. There was no eating from the packet or spooning from cartons in this house. Everything was dispensed into the proper china dishes and had an air of formality that tonight, after what she’d discovered, Lydia didn’t mind quite so much.
‘I usually go in mid-morning,’ said Anita, ‘and stay there a couple of hours and go back some time in the afternoon. I like to talk to him as much as I can, although sometimes I can almost imagine him saying shut up, Mum, you’re boring me to tears.’
Lydia laughed at the most honest and amusing comment Anita had made in a long time. ‘Are the visiting hours flexible?’
‘There are no set times,’ Anita said with a smile, almost convincing Lydia this had been the right thing to do all along for Theo. ‘We can go in any time we like because it’s a home and they want their residents to feel that way.’
It sounded almost as though she was quoting from a brochure and she wasn’t saying it in a gloating way, but Lydia understood the subtext. And it was definitely better for Anita not having to travel far, being able to see her son more and whenever she wanted. He was the son who had lived, and knowing about Christopher somehow made Lydia more lenient with the decisions that had been made along the way.
But Anita’s next comment took Lydia completely by surprise.
‘It was good of you to come all this way to see him.’ Anita took out three side plates and the accompanying knives and spoons, ready to assemble their supper when the scones were ready. ‘I know you have your own life now so I don’t expect to see you all the time. I’ve talked to Theo about it—’
‘You’ve done what?’
