‘Yes, but we both went into that, eyes open. Theo did the research and I said to go ahead. Investments don’t always work out.’
When Melanie looked away and her lips stayed tightly shut, that was when Lydia knew.
‘Oh my God.’ The Coke from the can slopped over the top when Lydia slammed down the vessel. ‘He gambled the whole lot, didn’t he?’ Melanie’s silence confirmed it. Lydia crouched on the floor, head in her hands. ‘How could he? He promised me. How could he do that?’ She shook her head, over and over. ‘Did he spend it at the casino? At the races? Lottery tickets?’
Before Melanie could answer Lydia said, ‘You know what, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.’
Melanie sat there as Lydia cried in disbelief and for some bizarre reason Lydia was glad of the company, glad of the only other person in the world who knew all these details about the man she loved, the man she thought had loved her wholeheartedly in return.
‘Lydia…’ Melanie’s soft voice broke through the tears of a woman who’d just found out part of her life was a lie. ‘Theo had problems. It’s not an excuse, but since finding out he was in the care home, and on the journey here to see you today, I’ve thought more deeply about it. I wonder if I was part of the escape, the addiction: the gambling, the part of his life he was ashamed about, when he was stressed out at work and things didn’t work in the bedroom between you both. He must’ve been so mixed up. I couldn’t see it at the time, but now I really can. I don’t doubt he ever stopped loving you for one second, he would’ve been ashamed at what he’d done and as much as I wanted to believe he wanted me for me, I don’t think he ever really did.’
Lydia wasn’t sure whether the words made her feel better or ten times worse.
When she finally stopped crying she looked at this woman, a virtual stranger to her but a face she’d never forget. ‘You were right to come here today, Melanie.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But now I really need you to go.’
Melanie stood, put her bag on her shoulder and her heels sank into the plush carpet as she walked towards the door. But she turned back and said, ‘I know you’ll always hate me for this, but believe me, I didn’t come here to make myself feel better. It took me a while to get over Theo. I thought I’d fallen in love, and like every woman on the side I’d convinced myself that one day he was going to leave his girlfriend and he’d be mine. It took me a long time to move forwards, thanks to the distance afforded by an entirely different country.
‘This was my chance to do something right, Lydia. I thought about whether I should keep quiet, whether it would be better for you, but I also thought you deserved the truth.’ She paused after she’d opened the door. ‘You know, Theo did something wrong but maybe all this, this luxury hotel, the night away, maybe he’d decided to give it all to you. Perhaps he forgot about the automatic email and intended to delete it.
‘I honestly believe there was a reason Theo never moved out of your house and in with me, a reason that all we ever had were secret meetings at my place or anywhere we couldn’t be seen. I think he wanted to stay with you and regretted what happened. But I’m not sure we’ll ever really know.’
As Melanie left, Lydia didn’t turn round. She looked out to a grey London, the sky darkening with every second that ticked by, and she leaned against the windowpane as she tried to process what she now knew.
*
Lydia cried herself to sleep and woke up to darkness when a text message pinged into her phone. It was Sally, desperate to know how princesses felt staying in the lap of luxury.
Lydia took a photo of the night view over Tower Bridge and texted back that she was indeed a princess and about to order room service. What she knew was her secret for now and she didn’t want to share it with anyone else. If she did, it might just break her.
After a long shower, Lydia left the confines of the hotel and escaped into the fresh air. She looped a camel scarf around her neck and pulled on matching gloves, and head down against the wind, she walked to Covent Garden, one of her favourite places in the whole of London. Before too long, it would be decorated for Christmas; there would be a cart with mulled wine, shoppers everywhere. But for now, on a chilly October evening, it was relatively calm by London standards. She walked past the Royal Opera House rememberingThe Nutcracker, the ballet she’d taken Imogen to a few years ago. She browsed in a stationery shop but didn’t buy anything, she bought a gourmet crepe from an eatery but was unable to eat the whole pancake filled with fresh strawberries and cream, and when she’d wandered she sat at a bench and watched the world go by. The world that went on without her, the world she thought she’d rejoined but yet again here was something pushing her back.
It’d been one hell of a year. The anniversary of Theo’s accident was fast approaching and maybe it was time to really take control of her life, once and for all.
