‘She didn’t have to ruin your holiday though.’ He sounded angry.
‘She’s kept it from me for long enough and I’m gutted she did. I can’t imagine the pain she’s in, neither can you.’
‘You’re being taken advantage of again.’
‘I know Connie would be there for me if I was sick.’ She’d been there after Paul broke her heart, she’d sat up with her well into the night listening to her sob and wonder what she’d ever done wrong. ‘I can’t imagine how Kyle will take this, he’s already lost his dad.’
He turned to her briefly before looking out of the window again. ‘It’s not fair, Amelia.’
‘It’s not the same this time. It’s not taking advantage, it’s about my sister trying to move forwards in any way she can and protect those she loves. This isn’t the moment where I can put my foot down.’
‘You never will.’ The accusation flew her way in a voice she barely recognised.
‘Of course I will, but even you must see the timing isn’t right.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean…even I?’
‘I know you’ve never had much time for her or Kyle.’
‘Don’t turn this back on me to be my fault.’
‘I’m not.’
She joined him at the window and reached a hand out towards his arm but changed her mind at the last minute.
‘What’s the prognosis?’ he asked eventually.
‘I think it’s too early to tell, but she’s preparing for the worst. She’s thinking about Kyle by coming to live nearer to me. It’ll get him away from that crowd he’s been hanging out with too, which can only be a good thing.’
‘And it’ll mean you’re on hand to help.’
She pulled back. ‘And to see her. She’ll need people who love her. She has cancer, Paul, she might not even be alive much longer.’ Her voice wobbled and it angered her that she couldn’t keep it together.
‘What about Edinburgh?’
Her silence told him how much she’d thought about that. Not at all. ‘I haven’t had a chance to think about that yet. You sprung it on me six months after you dumped me without explanation. Now who’s taking advantage?’
The muscle in his jaw twitched. ‘I know you, Amelia, remember? I know you’ll always put your family first. Edinburgh won’t get a look-in.’ He distanced himself by walking over to the kitchen counter, the stainless-steel appliances insistent on gleaming despite the low lighting, the expensive coffee maker poised and ready for one of them to demand attention no matter the time of day or night.
‘I haven’t thought much past Connie’s news. My head is all over the place.’
‘But your head will settle back to where it’s always been and you’ll stick by Connie. I’m not suggesting you don’t, I’m not that much of an arse, but it’d be nice if you put yourself, us, first for once.’
Her voice softened. ‘You could put Edinburgh off for a while, until she’s better, until we’ve had a chance to get to know one another again.’
‘We were apart six months, not sixty years. And the job offer doesn’t work like that.’
Her mind was turning over so fast she could barely keep up. ‘Would you wait for me? Go up there, make a start and wait for me to join you?’ She had no idea whether that was what she wanted, but she needed to know how he really felt, she wanted the truth.
He came over and wrapped his arms around her. He planted a kiss on her lips and tilted her chin towards him, looked deep into her eyes.
He held her again, this time for longer, and when he pulled away he looked sad, defeated when he said, ‘I think we both know you’ll never come.’
Tears pricked her eyes because he was right. And it wasn’t only because Connie needed her now more than ever, it was because being apart from Paul had shown her that a life with him wasn’t the right thing. He’d always wanted her to himself and whenever anyone else came into the picture, family or a troublesome kid at work, he hated it. She didn’t think him a bad person for being that way, but he wasn’t right for her. He wanted someone at his side, supporting him at work functions, moving across the country or farther whenever his career demanded it. He wanted the neat idea of a relationship with nothing outside the lines and Amelia knew she’d never be able to give him that. And she didn’t want to either. She didn’t want to morph into a lesser version of herself, not for him, not for anyone. And, now, she realised she hadn’t really missed Paul in their time apart. She’d thought she had but what she’d really missed was companionship. Paul had become a habit, like an old comfortable shoe that had holes in it but you didn’t mind, it fitted well enough. But the shoe had started to cause her pain, blisters in the relationship, and it was time to accept that it wasn’t doing her any good.
‘What will you do now?’ she asked. ‘It’s Christmas, nobody should be alone. Come over, I’ll cook.’
‘I’ve got a friend in Brooklyn, I’ll look him up. And if not, I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry about me.’ They gazed out to the moonlight beyond the window, the glow caressing the illuminated buildings of the city.
