Stopping outside Barney’s bedroom, her mind flipped to the dress again, hanging in the wardrobe with a section missing at the bottom. She had to get a look at the letter she’d found before and so, sure she wasn’t going to be caught red-handed – not unless Barney sprinted from his chair to here – she tiptoed into the room and opened the wardrobe slowly in case the door creaked. She unzipped the plastic and reached into the material bag to pull out the letter. She unfolded the single sheet with a partially faded blue symbol that looked a bit like an anchor and she began to read.
Dear Barney,
It is with much pain and regret that I write this letter. And it is cowardly of me to do so while you’re not here, but I have to, because I know you would not let me go otherwise.
As I write this you are at work doing your best to build a future for the both of us. But it is one I can no longer be a part of. After everything that has happened I feel I have no choice but to get away, to find out where I fit in the world. I truly believe we can both be happy again but I’m no longer sure it is something we can achieve together. Our pain has broken us in a way we cannot get past.
Be happy, my love. You are the kindest man I have ever known, please don’t ever change that about you.
With love always,
Your Lois x
Melissa stuffed the letter back into the little bag, tucked the bag next to the dress and checked again that she wouldn’t be disturbed. And though she hated herself a little bit for doing it, she got down on her hands and knees to look through what else he had hidden inside the wardrobe. She fished through umpteen pairs of shoes, a couple of rolled-up leather belts, the odd faded receipt, a tub containing spare buttons, and when she lifted up a pair of slippers with holes in the sole and wondered why he’d never thrown them away, there underneath was a photograph. Black-and-white, not very big but in a frame, she pulled it out, holding back a sneeze that sneaked up on her when she brushed the dust away.
Heart thumping, she studied the photograph. It was definitely Barney, she’d seen other pictures of him at around the same age, one sitting on a boat wearing a life jacket and holding on to the rope from a sail, another with his mother sitting on a beach eating fish and chips. The woman standing next to him in this picture had to be Lois, surely. She was classically beautiful with delicate features, dark hair wound up at the top of her head and curly tendrils hanging either side of her face. She held a small posy of flowers and was smiling into the camera as Barney looked at his bride as though there wasn’t anyone else there at all. And there was no doubt about it as she compared the top of the wedding dress in the photograph to the one hanging in the wardrobe, this was the same dress, it had to be Lois’s dress.
Melissa put the photograph back where she’d found it and covered it with the old slippers. She piled up the shoes, the belts and everything else and hoped it didn’t look as though it had been disturbed. Her head all over the place, she was desperate to get outside and so without a word she passed the closed doors and went out of the front and around the side of the house to the courtyard. She sat on the big tree stump and tried to text Harvey, but no response. She wasn’t sure what she was going to tell him anyway, but she wanted to talk to someone. Why had Barney never mentioned Lois? Melissa doubted she’d died given that she’d left him the goodbye note, but plenty of people married and split up, it was hardly anything to be ashamed of.
When the health visitor emerged from the house Melissa snapped out of her reverie. She went back through the gap in the juniper trees and peeked in the side window near the door to make sure Barney wasn’t looking out this way. But she was safe, it looked as though his focus was back on the television. ‘How’s he doing?’ she asked.
‘As well as can be expected.’ The health visitor, a tall rangy woman called Penny who’d had to duck at the low ceiling to pass through the hallway into the lounge, deftly did up the leather buckle on her bag with one hand and with the other clutched a folder to her chest. ‘He’s as stubborn as my father-in-law, a no-nonsense man, who will cope with things in his way and nobody else’s, and in his own time come to that.’
‘That doesn’t tell me much.’ Melissa helped Penny with the latch on the low-down front gate and waited for her to put her things onto the backseat of her sky-blue Peugeot parked on the street.
‘His hip is mending slowly, maybe don’t push him too much, be there for him. I’m sure we’ll notice a difference soon. He’s lucky it’s summer. The winter months are hard, especially for the elderly, some of them struggle with hospital stays and a long recovery.’
Melissa wanted to shout after Penny as she drove off that Barney wasn’t old, there was plenty of fight and spirit in him, but little by little she was realising how long she’d been away and that perhaps it was time to accept change. And if this was the last year that the Wedding Dress Ball would run, if Barney had really had enough, then she owed it to him to make this the best one ever.
*
Harvey shared a beer with his mum after fixing the shed door, and by the time he got home the sun had already set.
As he approached the front door the outside light was on and Melissa was sitting on his doorstep, waiting for him. ‘Everything all right with Barney?’ he asked straight away.
She realised her mistake, that she’d made him panic. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. Nothing has happened, Barney’s fine, the health visitor came.’
‘Ah, I meant to remind you about that.’
‘Not a problem, he seemed to talk to her at least and she thinks he’ll get there in the end.’
He let them both inside the house and Winnie didn’t waste time getting Melissa’s attention. ‘So what’s with the late visit?’ he asked.
‘It’s about the dress.’ Melissa fussed Winnie around the ears in the way she liked.
Harvey switched on the lamp in the corner near the kitchen table. ‘And you need to talk about this now? It couldn’t wait until tomorrow?’
‘I read the letter, the one in the bag.’
Frowning, he shook his head. ‘It’s none of our business.’
‘Maybe not.’
‘Come on then, out with it, what did it say?’
She recapped almost verbatim. ‘He’s never mentioned a Lois, has he?’
‘Not as far as I can remember.’ He went to sit down and tried to focus on the subject matter rather than Melissa, here, in his home again. He’d imagined it a few times over the years, especially since he bought the place and made it his own, but he always snapped back to the present and stopped his mind going too far down that particular road.
