‘Believe me, I totally understand.’
‘Over the years I’d seen numerous reports on White Clover receiving funds every year from a wedding dress ball. I was thinking of starting a similar event where I live, or at least having someone else at the helm and I’d be in the background funding it, making suggestions. It’s such a beautiful idea, I was really taken with it and had already made enquiries.’ She paused, met Melissa’s gaze. ‘I would never have guessed Barney was behind it all.’
‘It’s quite the event. He’s been running it for over forty years.’
‘And you say after his accident he hasn’t been interested?’ Her voice wobbled.
‘He’s better now, not as on board with the event as we would like, still refusing to do all the exercises recommended to him for a better recovery. He’s pretty headstrong and when he makes up his mind to do something it’s hard to change it.’
Lois’s focus was on her fingers, rested in her lap. She was smiling, as though she needed her thoughts to be inward-looking but was having trouble preventing them from leaping out into the present. ‘He always was stubborn. Never one to be bossed about and told what to do, unless he really wanted to do it anyway.’ She looked up at Melissa. ‘Are you Barney’s daughter?’
She smiled. ‘No, but he’s been like a father to me for a long time.’
‘Did he ever marry? Is he married now?’ Before Melissa could answer, Lois apologised. ‘I’m sorry, too many questions.’
‘I’m very happy to answer them. I can tell you all I know about Barney if you would like.’
Lois had taken a tissue from her bag and dabbed at her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, dear, forgive me. I never thought I’d face a moment like this, it’s quite something. After all this time.’
‘I’m sure it is.’ She waited for Lois to recover and then told her, ‘I tried to ask Barney questions over the years, but he never really gave clear answers about his life before he came to the Cove, unless it was talking about sailing.’
‘That man loved his boats. It was a real passion for him. He’d take me sailing down the river.’
‘It sounds romantic.’
Lois smiled back at her. ‘I have some special memories.’
Melissa carried on. ‘Barney isn’t married, he never had kids of his own. But you should know that he looked out for me and a close friend, Harvey, like we were his. And for Harvey it was especially important, he had a rotten childhood. Barney was always there for us when we needed him.’
‘I don’t know whether that makes me sad or happy,’ Lois admitted.
Melissa reached out and took Lois’s hand in hers. ‘Let it make you happy, it really should, he’s a wonderful man.’ She gave Lois a moment to gather herself. She filled the kettle and made them both a cup of camomile tea, the steam from the liquid curling into the air.
Lois took a couple of sips even though it was almost too hot to do so. ‘May I ask how you knew about me, Melissa? You say Barney didn’t tell you much when you asked, so I’m wondering how you knew anything at all.’
Melissa felt guilty admitting they’d been snooping. ‘There’s a dress,’ she began, ‘a wedding dress. Harvey found it hanging in the wardrobe recently and when he asked Barney about it, he bit his head off. It got me thinking though. I’d seen it once before, years ago, and forgotten about it but I started to think about the way Barney reacted then, and now, and I wondered what he was keeping from Harvey, me, and everyone else who cares so much about him. I began to wonder why he ran the Wedding Dress Ball every year, why he supported that particular charity, why the dress with a chunk cut out at the bottom was still in the wardrobe and why he’d never mentioned that he’d once been married.’
Lois’s hand covered her mouth, tears prickling her eyes.
‘I’m upsetting you,’ Melissa panicked. ‘It wasn’t my intention, I’m sorry.’
‘The dress is mine,’ said Lois.
Softly, Melissa told her, ‘I guessed it was. There was a letter with it too, a goodbye letter, from you.’
When Lois gasped Melissa wasn’t even sure whether Lois realised she’d made a sound. ‘I hurt him badly.’ She spoke as though she was at last admitting it to herself. ‘For him to keep the dress and the letter all these years…’
Melissa waited patiently, she wasn’t going to rush this, although she did check the time to make sure she wasn’t yet late for Barney and lunch. If she was late, he’d call, and she didn’t want to be sitting here with Lois when he did.
Tissue now sodden and disintegrating between Lois’s fingers, she looked at Melissa. ‘Harry was our baby boy. He was ten months old when we lost him.’
A lump caught in Melissa’s throat. She and Harvey had already worked it out but it was still a shock to hear they were right. Her own grief welled up inside, reminding her she wasn’t the only person to ever have loved and lost and all this time Barney had been in his own private pain, not sharing it with a soul. ‘He never said a word,’ she told Lois, her voice steady even though she wanted to burst into tears.
Lois’s hand shook as she lifted her cup of tea but then changed her mind and set it down again. ‘I’m afraid I didn’t cope too well when Harry died. And I didn’t let Barney step in and help either, I turned to my aunt and uncle because I couldn’t cope with Barney’s pain as well as my own. The dress, with the chunk cut out of it? I used the material to make a burial dress for Harry. I wanted to make an outfit with my own hands, the wedding dress was material for my little angel, it was a part of Barney and a part of me. Harry was conceived on our wedding night.’ She let out a laugh, half in relief Melissa suspected. ‘Sorry, is that too much information?’
‘It’s fine, I don’t mind.’
‘Barney and I didn’t have much money back then. Joan and Roger, my aunt and uncle, they were my guardians after my parents died and they were always there trying to contribute but Barney was adamant they kept their distance from us, particularly after Harry died. He was so proud, he never liked them much and the feeling was mutual, they thought I could do better – it wasn’t about who I loved, it was about my future and stability. All three of them clashed in a way I’d not seen coming. I’d thought it would be better once we were married, that Joan and Roger would accept Barney, but they didn’t. Things were bad before I had Harry, and afterwards they just got worse. They argued all the time, I was stuck in the middle. My aunt and uncle didn’t see the hard-working man who adored me, they saw a lad who was too young to marry and have a child, they saw a boy who had more of an interest in messing around with boats than anything else. He took a boat without permission one day, which I think was the last straw.
