‘Hey, this isn’t about your sisters.’
It had always felt as though it were about her sisters. Growing up she’d felt suspended somewhere in the middle. Daisy was younger and their mum was busy making sure she didn’t get dragged up but got as much attention as the others. Fern had already got to a point where rather than being babied she loved to be thegrown up. And Fern had had their dad, Harry, both of them shared a love of maths, something neither Daisy nor Ginny had either inherited or ever wished to get involved in. Fern and Harry had been in their own little world half the time, Daisy had clung to Loretta like a limpet, and Ginny? Well, she’d fallen somewhere in between and had learned to be independent very early on.
‘Lately I’ve beenwondering what I really want.’ She moved around, made friends easily, kept things interesting. But she was thirty-seven and well aware that most of those friends had evolved and begun to settle down, whether as a couple or in a place they wanted to be or with a career they had no intention of altering. And lately Ginny had no idea what came next. She felt like a hot air balloon that had had itsropes severed and here she was drifting high above the landscape, taking in the beauty of the world around her but with no idea how to get herself back down to earth and move forwards with a sense of permanency.
She explained to Melanie how she’d been feeling for the last few months. ‘I love so much about agency work – it’s flexible, I work with different teams, I don’t have to worry about bureaucracywhen I’m not in the same workplace, there’s less stress involved, and better pay.’
‘I agree, all those plus points are selling it. So what’s the problem? Are you saying you don’t want to be a midwife anymore?’
‘Sometimes I wonder whether I need a total change.’
‘If you’re going to suggest a job behind a desk then I’ll tell you now, you won’t last.’
‘Probably not,’ Ginny agreed. ‘But I’ve reacheda crossroads and I really don’t know which way.’
‘I felt a bit the same way when the hospital made so many changes, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. There was a time I wanted out.’
‘But you didn’t leave. You would still be there if you hadn’t moved here to be with Jonas.’
‘True. And I soon realised that I’m one of those people who will never change career. I want to have a family,but once I do and the kids are at school I’ll be getting out there, putting my career back on track. I love it too much not to.’
They walked on for long enough that Melanie insisted they stopped for hot chocolates, prolonging their time together. And when eventually it came time to part ways Ginny felt a sadness wash over her that she couldn’t identify. How was it that with three sisters to talkto she only ever shared her deepest feelings with friends these days? The three sisters had once been close despite the age gaps, but since their dad died, something between them had broken and they’d never been able to mend it.
On the final leg of her journey from Paris to Derby, Ginny’s phone rang only minutes after the train shunted out of the station and the nameMumpopped up on the display.Excellent timing. Her mum loved a good chat but it would’ve been better to do it when she wasn’t on-board. She didn’t want to disturb the other passengers, but she took the call if only to explain she was in transit and that she’d call back later. She did her best to be considerate and keep her voice low as she told her mum where she was and when she estimated she’d be home.
But Loretta didn’twant to talk later and got to the crux of the conversation.
‘All three of us, home for a few weeks for Christmas?’ Ginny repeated her mother’s words in disbelief.
Ginny went to Butterbury a handful of times during the year but she usually didn’t spend much concentrated time with her sisters, and she couldn’t even recall when all three of them had spent more than one evening together, let alonean extended period. This didn’t make sense to Ginny. Usually her mother didn’t fight the fact that they all had their own plans, when Daisy decided to flit off with friends somewhere as was her right, when Fern had commitments with Everett’s family. So why now? Why the insistence they all come back to Butterbury and stay for not only Christmas but the lead-up too?
‘It’s your grandad,’ Lorettacarried on, as though reading her mind.
Ginny’s insides clambered in anticipation of the answer and then went into free fall. ‘Is he sick?’ Her voice shook, she closed her eyes remembering the life-changing phone call about her dad all those years ago.
‘He’s getting older, we all are. I just want to make this Christmas special for him, Ginny. You know how much he adores all three of you andI’d love to have Christmas dinner around our table with him at the helm.’
Ginny opened her eyes and watched the countryside whizz by outside the window. ‘I have work for a few days, I’ve already agreed to it.’
‘You can come after that. I can cover your train fare if needs be.’
Mum really was desperate for this to work. ‘No need, I’m all set.’ If this was about Grandad, she couldn’t not be there.She had no intention of letting history repeat itself. ‘I’ll book my ticket and let you know the timings.’
She didn’t miss the relief in her mother’s voice and with that settled Loretta had obviously forgotten Ginny was on the train and wanted to know all about Paris, Bruges and the wedding before she reluctantly hung up to go and attend to customers in the shop. For some mothers discussing Melanie’swedding would’ve been the perfect precursor to launch into questions about when Ginny was going to meet someone and settle down, but thankfully Loretta wasn’t that way inclined and Ginny appreciated it. Being asked those sorts of questions was annoying if you’d made a choice to stay single and focus on other things. But it was even more annoying when you hadn’t because then you needed todo your level best to pretend the very fact hadn’t begun to get to you. Her mum hadn’t mentioned Lucas much since he’d got back to Butterbury either. She’d informed Ginny and left it at that. She knew her daughter had been heartbroken when he ended things, but what she didn’t know was that once Ginny got over the initial shock, she’d felt an inexplicable sense of freedom she was thankful for. Andit was that freedom, the chance to do what was right for her, which had stopped her from being too resentful towards the man she’d once thought she’d be with forever.
The rain started teeming down ten minutes before the train drew into the platform at Derby railway station and so it was a brisk walk from the station to home, the only detour a stop at the corner shop for a bottle of milk and aloaf of bread.
She dumped her bag in the hallway of her flat as though it were a lead weight and although her mum’s phone call had made her begin to worry about Grandad, it made her feel something else too.
It made her realise she really needed to go home to Butterbury. There was a pull she hadn’t realised was there until now and she knew that the time and space in her home village might justbe the way to give her some thinking time and work out where she went to next.
