Chapter Eleven
Fern
Fern had to admit she’d forgotten how much colder her mother’s house was than her own. In her own home they had super-duper double glazing, the bumper insulation characteristic of a new-build, but here in Butterbury it was different. And her silk nightwear wasn’t doing the job it needed to do. She grabbed her quilt from the end of the bed and wrapped it around herself onceshe’d put on the silk dressing gown, which may as well not be there. The nightwear made her feel sexy and Everett had always loved it, but right now she was going for warmth.
Unlike yesterday, their mother hadn’t woken them all for breakfast today and Fern had appreciated the lie-in. She rarely did it and hadn’t set her alarm because she’d assumed her body clock would do the job, except it hadn’t,and by the time she emerged from her bedroom and made her way downstairs, the house was quiet apart from one person in the shower, who had to be Ginny with the other two having to work at the shop.
Fern was used to getting up early in the mornings. She had things to do. Get herself ready for the office, get the boys organised, make sure she got anything she needed out of the freezer for dinner,make fresh coffee for her and Everett, putting his into the Thermos he took on the train every day. She liked to leave the house with a sense of calm and organisation. She certainly wasn’t used to this – sitting around in nightwear beyond nine o’clock – but that’s exactly what she was doing when her sister joined her in the kitchen where she was snuggled up on the sofa.
‘I’m ready before you?’Ginny couldn’t have looked more surprised.
‘Looks like it.’ Fern grinned. ‘But surely you’re used to some crazy work hours with labouring mums. Everyone knows babies don’t adhere to office hours.’
‘They don’t, but I’ve learned to rest up well on my days off.’ She flipped the switch on the kettle and held a mug aloft with the offer of tea for her older sister.
Fern pulled a face. ‘I don’t supposeyou could do me a coffee?’
‘As long as you don’t mind instant?’
‘It’ll do,’ said Fern. The reason why she hadn’t made one yet was because she was missing the freshly ground coffee from home.
Ginny opened and closed a couple of cupboards before she found the instant coffee, a miniscule jar Loretta likely had in just for Fern. Perhaps that was an idea for Christmas – a cafetière. She knew hermum loved a good coffee too. She made a mental note to look for one when she went shopping in the next few days.
‘I’ll bet you don’t lie in when you’re travelling.’ Fern sat up a little bit more so she could see her sister at the kitchen worktop. She’d never asked Ginny many details about the places she’d been to, the experiences she’d had along the way.
‘Of course not, otherwise my postcardshome would be photographs of hotels.’ She smiled wryly.
Ginny set Fern’s mug on the side table nearest to her, and clutched her own between her palms as she settled down at the other end of the sofa facing her sister. She was bundled up in a beautiful berry-red high-necked jumper with ribbed cuffs and hem that finished on her thighs. In dark jeans and with her caramel brown hair hanging loosearound her shoulders, her inquisitive hazel eyes never once giving any hint of worry, she seemed to Fern to be the most relaxed of the three sisters since they’d all been thrust together. Or perhaps that was just Ginny. She’d always been the more chilled of the trio, with a colour in her cheeks Fern envied now more than ever.
They talked about Fern’s last holiday in Croatia – Ginny had spentsome time there too and there were plenty of places they could both reminisce about, a shared interest that Fern realised made talking far easier. The last time Fern and Ginny had sat this long together, just the two of them, Fern could only remember her younger sister making some remark that it was all right for her, she knew what she wanted and she went and got it. It had been a remark that tookFern by surprise and Ginny hadn’t said anything similar since. Fern had forgotten about it until now because Ginny was more often than not easy-going. What she had thought about was how wrong her sister had been – Fern might come across as organised, together and in control, but along the way she’d fought to be those things when she could’ve very easily fallen apart. When their dad died, the othertwo were younger, it was up to her to be there for them, to hold it together enough that it put no more pressure on their mother who was doing the best she could.
‘Admit it,’ said Ginny when Fern, still bundled in the quilt, coffee finished, said for the second time that she should really go and take a shower. ‘You’re bloody freezing.’
‘I am not, I’m perfectly warm.’ She tried to collect themugs to take to the sink to wash but it wasn’t easy with one hand trying to cling onto the quilt still wrapped around her body.
‘You’re huddled under a quilt.’ Ginny took the mug out of her sister’s hand and along with hers took them over to the sink for rinsing and stacking in the dishwasher. ‘I’m all for dressing sexy, but a T-shirt and jogging pants is probably a better idea when you’re wanderingaround this house.’ She leaned her head around the doorway and checked the thermostat in the hallway. ‘Mum never whacks the temperature up.’
‘Never above twenty degrees,’ Fern mimicked Loretta, wagging her finger at the same time and making her sister laugh.
‘Never above twenty.’ Ginny grinned back at Fern.
Their mum had fought them on the heating as they were growing up. The dial frequentlygot nudged up by one of the girls, nudged down by Loretta, up again when the girls discovered it had been adjusted, which inevitably led to a lecture of how much the heating bill would be. They’d been told to put on layers, make use of their quilts. And Fern couldn’t deny the quilts were cosy in their warmth as well as their memories.
‘Are we still planning to see Grandad at lunchtime?’ Fernchecked with Ginny before she headed for a turn in the bathroom.
‘Yep. We’ll swing by and grab Daisy around midday. Mum says the shop should be quiet enough and if not she’ll manage.’
Fern climbed the stairs. In a way it was odd to be back here, away from Everett and the boys, as though she was a kid again. Everett had called her earlier and been surprised to catch her asleep even though she’ddone her best to pretend she wasn’t. She hadn’t been communicating with him as much as usual with texts and calls, which was likely his reason for contacting her and he did seem worried, but she’d assured him she’d just been busy seeing Grandad and spending time with the family. What she hadn’t shared was that coming here felt like taking a huge step back from her normal life and already she couldsee how much she’d needed to do that. The lie-in never would’ve happened at home. The moment her eyes pinged open she would’ve been out of bed and on with the day, making sure everything was just the way it should be. Being here almost reminded her of those years in her late teens when she’d had no responsibilities and it was liberating. She wondered whether Everett felt that way too, whetherthis time would help them both see that they needed to reconnect and change the habits they’d fallen into. The habits that weren’t making either of them as happy in their marriage as they deserved to be.
Fern made her bed and lay the quilt out on top of it ready to fold in thirds and place at the foot of her bed where it belonged. She ran her hand across the material, drinking in the memories,the cream sister square that was almost identical to Daisy’s and Ginny’s, the square that she’d insisted should go in the centre because the sisters were the centre of the universe. They’d once been so close, and as she folded up the quilt she wondered how their relationship had become so disjointed, how they’d gone from that closeness to lives that rarely crossed paths, and polite conversationsrather than confiding in one another.
As she’d sat with Ginny she’d wondered what it might be like to tell her about Everett, about how she thought she was failing at marriage and at parenthood, that the confidence everyone assumed she had in spades wasn’t really there at all. She thought back to sitting on Daisy’s bed, when she’d apologised for being horrible to her after seeing her kiss Joshuaat the pub, and imagined how it would be to share her troubles with Daisy too.
But for now, small talk was all they could manage.
And Fern supposed it was a start.
Fern and Ginny, umbrellas at the ready for the forecast downpour later, stopped at the shop to collect Daisy before they all set off for Butterbury Lodge.
