‘Did Dad tell you?’ Fern demanded. ‘Did you overhear a conversation?’
‘I saw him.’ Daisy’s voice came out small, as though she was the one who had to confess to a sin. ‘I went to see him, I missed him, and I knew the hotel he was staying at. I got all the way to the front steps and I saw him with a woman, they were kissing.’ She lookedup, eyes full of tears, her expression a mixture of anger and utter despair. ‘I ran home and never said a word. Not to him, not to anyone.’
Loretta didn’t wait for permission, she went around to her daughter’s side and hugged her tight. She felt Daisy grip onto her arms, hold on for dear life.
‘Why did you never say anything?’ Loretta kissed her head, the softness of her rich chestnut hair,so much like Harry’s had been many years ago, reminding her of simpler times and cuddles on the sofa, when they didn’t have an ocean of secrets between them.
Daisy’s voice shook. ‘I never wanted you to feel the way I did when I saw him. And two weeks later he was home, you were going to counselling together and I thought whatever it had been was over. I tried to be mature and think about adults’lives. I read magazines about it, about affairs, about marriage, I told nobody, but I watched you both and I watched him. I didn’t trust him, Mum.’
‘Oh, Daisy.’ Her heart broke a tiny bit more for her youngest daughter.
‘I followed him more than once.’ Her daughter’s curious coffee-coloured eyes looked directly at her. ‘I even bunked off school to do it.’
‘I’m sorry you had to carry that withyou for so long.’
But Daisy didn’t look at all relieved she’d shared after all these years. ‘Mum, that’s not all …’
Loretta’s insides plummeted because it was then she realised Daisy knew the whole truth. She had to. It all fell into place. Daisy’s lack of focus at school, the trouble she got into, the way she went wild and there was no getting through to her. The timing fitted. And her daughterhad carried that secret without talking to a soul about it.
‘I know it’s not,’ Loretta said calmly, because she needed to be strong for all of them.
‘You know?’ Daisy swiped her tears and Ginny passed her a tissue.
‘Are either of you two going to tell us what’s going on?’ Fern asked, shaking her head, confused.
Loretta took a deep breath. ‘A year ago I was in the shop on my own – Daisy wasaway on a hen weekend, it was a slow day, and a girl who’d been in a couple of times before came in again. She was so jittery I wondered for an awful moment if she was on drugs. She’d been in an hour before that and bought three balls of wool and a crotchet needle and here she was, back again, choosing a bunch of fat quarters. I was at the counter, letting her make her own way around, and she keptlooking at me. Eventually she brought a packet of two zips over to the till and when I asked if I could help her with anything else, she started crying.
‘I thought I was going to have to get her a paper bag to breathe into, she was in a state, kept saying she never should’ve come. I asked her, come where? To Butterbury? I thought maybe she was on the run from a man, perhaps she’d had a row witha friend or her parents. I made her a cup of tea and everything came tumbling out. Her mum had died, she was devastated, and then she told me her dad died too.
‘My heart went out to her at the loss she’d suffered.’ Loretta willed herself to carry on. ‘It was then she looked me right in the eye and told me, “My dad was Harry”.’
Ginny and Fern didn’t utter a word, Loretta saw Daisy’s hand reachbeneath the table for Fern’s and across the table with her other hand, she took Ginny’s.
Loretta almost wept. She wasn’t sure whether it was because they knew the truth about their dad or because they were doing exactly what she wanted, they were there for one another in a way they hadn’t been for years.
Fern’s voice, usually strong and collected, was timid and raw. ‘Did Dad know about her?’
‘He knew.’ Daisy’s voice was like a lightning bolt, striking before Loretta could say a word.
Loretta knew she’d failed Daisy, that if she hadn’t then her daughter might’ve turned to her, but she’d been weak and a mess when she lost Harry. And now she owed them all the absolute truth. And so she continued. ‘The girl in the shop told me that her mum, the woman your dad had an affair with, wroteto Harry after the baby was born, she told him she thought he had a right to know about the baby, but that she didn’t want any help. She didn’t want to break up a marriage or a family.’ She looked at all three of them. ‘Knowing your dad he would’ve been wrangling with how he was going to tell me, how this would impact on all of us, and there’s no way he wouldn’t have offered support. I don’t thinkhe ever had a chance to tell me or to offer his help.’
The reality sunk in with all three of them until Ginny asked, ‘Mum, why do I get the feeling there’s something else?’
Deep breath. Here goes. ‘The girl’s name is Carrie.’
It felt like she’d thrown everything at them now, that the girls would either swim among the facts or sink beneath the weight of it all.
Fern spoke first. ‘So she’s beengetting to know us without admitting who she is?’
Neither Loretta nor Carrie had meant it to happen that way. ‘You have to know that it wasn’t our intention to deceive anyone.’
Fern’s nod of approval told Loretta that she understood or at least she was trying to. Fern had always been protective, in charge even when she didn’t need to be, and Loretta sensed that Fern might be particularly sympatheticto Carrie given her eldest wasn’t too dissimilar in age.
‘Carrie and I met up several times in the village where she lives,’ Loretta explained. ‘We talked at length, I got to know her, and then I was happy for her to stop by the shop. I was pleased she wanted to learn to sew or even quilt. And slowly, I started to enjoy her company. Then Daisy suggested she help with the quilt and I couldn’tvery well disagree.’
Loretta took in their shock, their need to hear more. ‘I couldn’t tell any of you at first, I needed time to get my own head around the facts. And you three have been through so much.’ Their silence was their acknowledgement. ‘But so has Carrie. She’s never known her own father. Carrie’s mum took Harry’s silence as a sign he was happy not to be involved and so she moved onwith their lives without his involvement. She had no idea that he’d died.
‘Carrie never intended to spend time with you all the way she has. She was singing with the choir long before she knew Ivor was up at Butterbury Lodge and then she volunteered up there. She said Daisy had been friendly to her one day and she’d grasped onto it. Not having siblings of her own she admitted to me that it feltnice. And when Daisy asked her to help with the quilt project she didn’t want to say no. She told me soon after that she was upset at how she’d got involved without intending to and without any of you knowing the truth. She offered to step back, but it was me who said not to. I could see how much she wanted to be a part of something, she had the best of intentions. She’s only a teenager, it’s ahard age to feel so lost.’
