He shrugged. “Miss Bennet you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
Her hand smacked over her wide-open mouth. “You c-can’t love me, Lincoln.”
He waved his hands, palms up, clipping the doorframe with his fingertips, but barely flinched at the impact. “You think that just because you don’t love yourself, no one else can love you? Well here’s evidence to the contrary, Cleo.Ilove you.”
He thumped his chest twice. “I love all of you. The confident air you wear in public and the vulnerabilities you don’t let anyone see. I don’t care what your grades in school are, I don’t care what shape your body is, and I don’t care if you’re tone deaf and love singing crappy pop songs at the top of your lungs in the shower.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw.
“And I’m sure as hell not ashamed of it. I don’t care who the hell knows. I’ll head over to the history department and tell your momma right now.” He spun on his heel, primed to move.
His words crashed over her as though he’d thrown cold water at her. The coiled dread in her stomach released, sending jolts of panic through her limbs. She grabbed his elbow, her hand slipping off the wet sleeve. “You can’t.”
He loved her. Did that change anything? Did she love him? She had feelings, sure, but had it reached L-word feelings? Molly said it had, but did she even know what love felt like? She closed her eyes. He loved her.
“Cleo…” His voice was pleading. “Have you ever seen Dirty Dancing?”
She bit the inside of her cheek and nodded.
“Right now I feel like Patrick Swayze when Baby wouldn’t tell her dad he was her guy. That’s where I’m at right now. Am I not good enough for you? Are you ashamed of me?”
When she stayed silent, he struck the doorframe with the side of his clenched fist. “Answer me, Cleo! Tell me why? Don’t I at least deserve that?”
A door further up the hall opened and a head poked out. “Everything okay down there, Cleo? You need help?” Cory curled one hand into an open palm, cracking some of his knuckles.
Cleo forced her lips into a sickly attempt at a smile at her neighbor’s obvious display of bravado.
Lincoln took two steps back and ran both hands through his hair before holding them palm-up to her neighbor and nodding.
“Thanks, Cy. We’re fine here.” Cleo tried again for a more reassuring smile.
Cory nodded but didn’t move. “Raise a hand to her and you’ll have me to answer to, we clear?”
Cleo’s heart squeezed at the look of dismay that flickered across Linc’s face before he gave a sharp nod. Cory retreated into his apartment but left his door open an inch.
“How can you tell me to be brave? You tell me to own my true self, wear it on my sleeve, to show the world who I really am… and all the while you’re… you’re a goddamn hypocrite, Cleo.”
She recoiled at his words, the door between them doing little to fend off the splinters of painful truth he spat at her.
“You encouraged me to do what my heart told me to, and you live in this box of fear, patrolled by your bulldog mother. You tell me to follow my passion, but you can’t stand up to your controlling parents. Academia isn’t the only route for you, Cleo, and you’re suffocating under the fear of failing and disappointing people whose opinions shouldn’t matter as much as they seem to.”
She folded her arms, if the door couldn’t protect her from his words, maybe her limbs could.
“You work in the coffee shop ‘cause your mom said you should. You’re working toward graduating top of your class… ‘cause your mom said you should. What about what you want? Hm? You know this… what you’re doing… it isn’t a normal college experience, right?”
She couldn’t meet his gaze. “Maybe I don’t want normal.”
“What did you say?” His knuckle cradling her chin sent sparks of warmth through her, but his words of judgement boomed in her ears.
“I said maybe I don’t want ‘normal,’ Lincoln.” Her chest heaved, rising and falling with a behemoth effort. She wanted to scream. Bile crept up into her throat and she forced herself to swallow. Her jaw trembled, and her eyes burned, but she wouldn’t cry in front of him. She wouldn’t let him see he’d hit the mark with every word.
“I want to succeed and none of this stupid shit…” She waved a dismissive hand. “… Is going to help me get to where I need to be.”
“This stupid shit… you mean this…” He waved a hand between them. “Us. We’re stupid shit?”
Deny it. Tell him no.She hesitated for a beat, a beat longer than she should have. Lincoln’s face fell. It was as though his chest cracked open before her very eyes.
“Linc…” She jerked the door open and stepped toward him.
He raised a hand to stop her. Gave her one last dejected look and walked away. When he was finally out of sight, hot tears spilled down her cheeks in waves as her body shook with hiccuping gasps.
