He shook his head, dragging his finger up the side of the glass to catch some melted ice cream that trickled down the side. “I’m not sure I could handle Will never speaking to me again. But if Mr. and Mrs. Mo turn their back on me…”
He couldn’t even bring himself to say it out loud. They were as much his family as anyone he was related to by blood. They’d taken him in when he had no one, and when he’d needed someone most. They’d made sure he didn’t turn to a life of drugs and alcohol, they’d made sure he stayed in school, got therapy, kept playing hockey.
His life would likely look a lot different if it hadn’t been for their intervention after Liam died, and he had no idea how he’d ever repay them.
Meabh’s eyes softened. “They speak very highly of you, Finnegan. I don’t think you have anything to worry about when it comes to them. They’re good people.”
“The best,” he croaked, taking another drink to try to clear his throat.
“If you want my advice, go talk to them. They know Will, they know Molly, and as much as it hurts my heart to admit, they know you better than I do. I’m sure they’ll be only too happy to talk things through with you.”
They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping on their floats. “I’m glad you came to graduation… Mom.” The word tasted foreign in his mouth. It had been so long since he’d called her it, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to use it, but it didn’t hurt to use as much as he’d expected.
“I’m very grateful you invited me, Finnegan. Even though I’ve been gone for a while, I’m still terribly proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished.”
The stubborn lump rose in his throat again. He couldn’t look at her, so he focused on the half-empty glass in front of him.
“I know we’ll never recover from Liam’s death, but you didn’t let it break you like it broke me and…” She sniffed, taking a huge breath. “You’ve always been resilient, but I hope you recognize how truly strong you have been to have endured such pain, yet done so well. It’s not an easy feat.”
His breath came in short bursts and his fingers trembled around the glass. “I should have gone for help.”
“No.” She shook her head and clasped her hand over his. “The adult who ran him over with his car should have gotten help. I know you were always mature for your age, Finn. But you were still just eleven years old.”
She took another sip. He wasn’t sure he was ready for the gravity of the conversation he was suddenly faced with, and the ice cream weighed heavy in his stomach.
“I know I checked out pretty quickly after it happened. Aunt Lacey filled me in on bits and pieces. I know I spent my days in a med-induced haze and left you to fend for yourself.”
“He kept it together for a few years.” Why he was compelled to speak up for his father, he had no idea. “I guess he had no real choice.”
She nodded. “He was always the strong one. But everyone has a breaking point. I’m so sorry I let you down, Finn.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t beat me, Mom. He did.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks. “When did it start?”
Other than Molly, Finn hadn’t ever voiced out loud to anyone what his father had done to him. “Just before I turned sixteen.”
“And you met Will and the Morrisons when you turned seventeen?”
He nodded.
“So for a whole year he… he…”
Finn picked up his near empty glass and swirled the mixture around the bottom. “Just a smack here or there, nothing major at first. He’d been cold since Liam died, so it wasn’t a huge personality shift. Looking back I wasn’t overly surprised. The more he drank though… the worse it got.”
Her body shook with sobs. “I’m so sorry, Finn.”
He swallowed, unable to meet her gaze. “The Morrisons saved me. They gave me somewhere safe to go to escape, to hide, to heal.”
She clutched his hands as though he might flee.
“I’m angry at you – for checking out and leaving me, for waiting so long to get treatment, for not coming back when you got out, for making a new family… replacing me… replacing Liam.” His throat was raw and tears slid down his own face. “But if we keep looking back, we can’t ever move forward.”
She stared at her glass, tears plopping on the table under her chin. He might never understand how a mother could leave her child, not even after a traumatic event, but he knew once she was back, he didn’t want her leaving again.
“I’m not sure I know how to move forward, Finn.” Her sad eyes almost broke him.
“Every journey starts with the first step, right? So what about I call my therapist and schedule an appointment for both of us together.”
