Her giggles might be cute, but she’s not the one about to get her butt cheeks sliced open by an impatient, hungry cat.
He didn’t make an appearance all fucking night, but now,nowhe shows up. Asshole. Cock blocking asshole. Ha. He might end up being a cock destroying asshole if I’m not careful.
A cold, wet cat nose hits my butt cheek, and I jump with a whimper, making Eloise hit her head on my headboard. This isn’t going well, but I can’t deny it’s funny as fuck.
She’s laughing so hard, tears are streaming from her eyes and dripping onto the pillow as she rubs the side of her head. We’re both laughing, it’s impossible not to. If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry, or worse, I’ll give in to the temptation to buck the cat off me like I’m a fucking mechanical bull. That wouldn’t end well, for any of us. Puck would double down and sink those talons into me, and while I generally like a bite of pain in my sex life, I don’t have an animal play kink, and I have no desire to kill my cat by flinging him full force at the wall.
How the fuck do I get out of this with my junk intact?
Eloise is laughing so hard she’s started to hiccup.
Puck sweeps his cold as fuck nose against my ass cheek, again, and bats me with his paw. Twice. I’m so fucking tempted to fart on him, but I don’t know that I’m at the farting in front of my girlfriend phase yet. I dunno what cats dig and don’t dig either, for all I know it could be some kind of mating call to this weird-ass cat, and I’m in enough trouble as it is. So, I hold it.
He escalates the butt-batting to head-butting my ass, and for such a tiny little thing, he’s got some strength. I groan, dropping my head onto Eloise’s shoulder. This isnotat all how I had planned our morning to go.
“Okay, Puck.” I sweep my arm behind me trying to shoo him, but the sneaky bastard is tucked out of reach. “I’ll get you food.”
He doesn’t move. It’s like he knows as soon as he gives up threatening my balls with his claws, I’m going to go back to fucking my girl.
Because I am.
I push up onto my palms, hoping the movement doesn’t cause him to overreact and dig in, because I have no real clue right now where he’ll fucking dig.
Eloise’s body is still shaking with laughter as she tries to gulp down air. “We’re being held hostage by your cat. We’ll get ours, when he gets his.” She snorts, tears streaming down her face, and the warmth in my chest can’t be anything else but love.
“Come to Thanksgiving with my family.”
Her eyebrows shoot up her forehead, then smush down over her eyes before she cracks up again.
“What?”
“Your dick is buried inside me, your cat is holding your man bits hostage, and you pick now to ask me to your family’s Thanksgiving?”
“Seemed like a good idea at the time?” I shrug, a chuckle rolling through me. She’s right. My timing could probably have been better, but I’ve always been an impulsive kinda guy. “You said your dad is going to be on the road right? Or he’s usually on the road for holidays? Well, come to my house. You’ve already met my asshole siblings, so the hard part is done.”
“Can we make sure you’re going to survive this incident with your cat before we start talking about the future?”
“I know you have a point, but you’re stalling.”
She dissolves into giggles again. “I can see it, having to tell your sister that you’re in the hospital for a severed penis and her thinking I’m savage and punishing you for something.”
She has a point. Athena would probably offer to chop something else off too.
“And for once I haven’t done anything wrong.” I kiss her. “Think about it though. I’d love for you to come with me.” And I mean it. I’ve never taken a girl home before. Or a guy. I’ve never had any long-term relationships worth bringing home. Even Athena has brought someone home. Once. And it didn’t last long.
I carefully shift my weight, removing my dick from the most perfectly snug pussy on the planet, and rotating enough so Puck doesn’t feel like he’s falling and latch on, but also enough that I can see where the fuck he is. Thank fuck I’m a goalie with great mobility because getting him off me requires a certain amount of pretzel twisting, and from the hungry look in mytesoro’s eyes, she wants me to do all manner of fun pretzel bending with her next.
When I stand up, cock dangling in the wind, there’s a snort from the door. The pig has joined the party. Puck now stands next to Bacon, both of them staring at me likeI’mthe fucking problem.
Pendejos.
I’m getting a pet sitter. Someone to distract them and take Bacon for some exercise while I’m busy doing... things, like Eloise. I’m also buying a pig pen for him to sleep in. Clearly it was a mistake giving them free reign of my space, and it has come back to almost literally bite me in the ass.
I shower and get ready for practice while my girlfriend strokes my pussy and pets my pig. Unfortunately for me, neither of those things are euphemisms for my dick. Or even her own fucking pussy. I shouldn’t be jealous of her giving attention to my pets, yet here we are.
When I head out to go to the Trash Can with my girl’s panties tucked into my pocket, I’m lighter, happier, like I’m somehow both walking on air, yet more grounded than I’ve ever been in my life.
Yeah. This girl might be The One. And I’m not even a little bit scared.
