“Excuse me?”
“I said I won’t cancel my plans with Ares for Thanksgiving, Dad.”
His face falls. “You’re serious?”
I nod. My innards have crumbled to ash, but something deep inside me is resolute, determined not to back down on this point. He can’t pick me up and put me down when it suits him, when he wants to scold me, punish me for behaving in ways he doesn’t approve of.
“What have you become, Eloise?” He shakes his head and turns to leave.
“What have you become, Dad?”
An hour later I’m curled up on Tori’s couch with Wyatt eating Goldfish crackers and string cheese while watchingHome. The guy from theBig Bang Theoryis hilarious as the little alien dude, but not even Sheldon Cooper can make me laugh right now.
“Aunty Ellie?” Wyatt pulls my attention to the empty snack bowl.
He doesn’t need to say anything. I’m slacking in my duties as snack wench. A few minutes later, I’m back on the sofa with a refill. I’m not sure how many Goldfish crackers counts as too many Goldfish crackers, but my little snuggle buddy doesn’t seem to think we’re there yet, so we clink our plastic bowls together like we’re clinking glasses of Champagne and dive into round two. He’s not telling me the whole truth when he says his Mom won’t mind if I give him more.
I’m probably being played right now, but I also don’t have the energy to argue, and I’m digging the cuddles. I’m quite happy to buy them with cheesy crackers.
Tori’s taking a shower, her mom is working, and Ares is currently on the ice. The live updates on my phone tell me he’s having another excellent game. Or at least, I think he is. He hasn’t let any in yet, and they’re in the second period.
I have at least another hour before I see him, maybe more if he chooses to go to the bar. Tori knows something’s wrong with me, but she hasn’t pressed the issue. It won’t last.
I’m using her child as a human shield. Like maybe if we keep watching kid’s movies, she won’t find the time to push me. At the rate I’m chowing down on these snacks, I’m going to need to stop by Target and refill her pantry.
I’m sure there’ll come a point of maximum snack consumption. When the sour taste in my mouth and the queasy feeling in my stomach will abate, and the warm fuzzies will kick in.
At least I’m not crying. Well, not anymore. I sat outside Victoria’s house for an hour crying in my car, and I didn’t feel any better. Hence the snacks and the movies on her couch. But I’m on borrowed time. It’s past his bedtime.
I protest more than Wyatt when she turns the TV off. She puts him to bed in record speed, and with him gone I lose my buffer. I have to face up to the fact my best friend is going to peel back the bandages from today’s emotional wounds and make me talk to her.
“Here.” She thrusts a glass of what I hope is wine and not straight up liquor in my face. “This will help.”
“I’m not sure anything will help.” I tell her everything. My anxiety about Thanksgiving at Ares’s parents’ house, the argument with Dad, and how much I miss my Mom.
When I’m done, my throat is raw, my voice hoarse, and I’ve gone through half a box of tissues. My phone chimes, and I know before I even pick it up that it’s from Ares.
Ares: I’m done with the game,tesoro. Do you want me to pick you up? I can meet you somewhere if that’s easier.
His subtext is pretty clear: If your dad is around and you don’t want the headache, we can meet somewhere else.
“Tell him where you are, and he can come get you here.”
I raise my brows at her, unsure of what her plan is, but she holds up her hands. “I don’t want you driving like this.”
She has a point. I’m pretty raw and frazzled. There’s every chance I’ll end up in another car crash, but I’m not sure I want him to see me like this either.
“Invite him over, E. Relationships aren’t only about the good times. Let him in.” She taps at her chest and speaks with such conviction I can’t really argue.
“You know you owe me an explanation about what happened at the bar, right?”
She nods. “I know. I’m not ready yet though. When I am, you’ll be my first port of call.” She’s tired, dark circles underline her eyes, and an air of sadness has hung around her since the bar that I can’t penetrate.
“Anything I can do for you?”
She pats my thigh. “You’re already doing it.” Jerking her chin at the phone in my hand she smiles. “Bring your boy over. I’ll go make popcorn.”
She’s way more chill about Ares coming to her house than I was when he showed up at mine. I stare at the screen for a long moment, thinking about what Victoria said to me about letting him in. I guess it’s time to show him my demons and hope he doesn’t run away.
