I swallow. I don’t think he’s joking, and he’s more than capable.
“But when I got up here, and saw Eloise laughing, talking to her mom.” He pauses, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He addresses mytesorodirectly. “I haven’t seen you so happy in so long.”
Eloise remains quiet, seated on the ground, while her dad jabs a finger in my direction. “I swear if you hurt her, I will hurt you.”
“If I hurt her, I’ll hurt myself.” The words are out of my mouth before I can think on them, but I mean every one. The idea of letting her down in any way makes my stomach hurt.
He nods before sitting down next to Eloise on the grass. I don’t know whether to stay or go. I don’t want to be around for something so private, but I also don’t want to be gone if he yells at her again. I won’t let that fly.
He seems pretty calm, so I take a few steps back.
“I thought about what you said.”
Eloise grimaces at her father’s words. I’ve seen that face. I’ve lived that face. Regret over saying something in the heat of the moment.
“No, it’s okay.” He takes her hand between both of his. “You were right. I have changed. You can’t live through a trauma the way we did without changing. I know I pushed you away, I know I fucked up, and I’m sorry.”
My girl is crying, tears streaming down her face. This is most definitely a family moment, one I’m not going to ruin by inserting myself into. She and her dad need to heal and maybe this conversation, together with her mom, can bring around some much needed mending to their relationship. I head back to the car as quietly as I can. I’m not leaving her, in case she needs me, but also expecting her to go home with her dad.
CHAPTER31
Eloise
My palms are sweating, my heart racing. I’ve never brought anyone to Mom’s grave before and Dad looks pretty furious, even in the dim light. No matter which way I cut it, this is going to be an uncomfortable conversation, and the bubbling liquid in my stomach is making its presence known as I suck in shuddering breaths.
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
He gestures for me to sit on the blanket before joining me. “What are you sorry for, Eloise?”
“Disobeying you. I know you don’t like the idea of me spending time with Ares.”
He scoffs. “The boy is a reprobate, Ellie.”
Discontent bubbles under my skin. I’d usually bite down my anger at my father, squashing it until it fits in the small box in my chest. But I’m not sure I can this time.
“I’ve seen stories about him.”
“Not everything you read on the internet is true!” My hands burst away from my body in frustration. I want to shake him. “Okay, fine.” Twisting my hands together in my lap, I lock them down. Talking with my hands is one thing, but when I get big mad, my hand gestures get big to match.
“Sure, most of the things you’ve read on the internet about him are true. But that’s not the whole picture. He’s different, Dad. I really wish you’d just give him a chance.
“Like I gave that last piece of shit you were with, a chance?”
My gasp echoes around the concrete headstones surrounding us. “Daddy!” My stomach falls.
“No, Eloise. That’s what he was. A no-good piece of shit. And this one seems worse. I don’t quite know how that’s possible, but it looks to be the case. I won’t let you go down that road again. I saw what he did to you, how he treated you. It wasn’t okay. And until you know that it wasn’t okay, and you’re strong enough not to let the same thing happen again, I have no choice but to protect you from yourself.”
“I’m not a child anymore, Dad. You can’t just decide you don’t like my decisions and make them for me. And no offense, but since Mom died, your choices haven’t been much better.”
He flinches like my words smacked his face. “You’re right, and we’ll talk about that in a minute, but right now we’re talking about you, and your choices, and these boys you keep getting tangled up with.”
“Boys? Dad, you make it sound like I have a long line of suitors. I’ve had two men in my life. Yes, I’ll admit, the first one wasn’t good for me. He was... I...” My cheeks heat as the desire to swear flares in my chest. “He wasn’t a good person. He didn’t treat me right. But Ares... he’s... misunderstood. He’s kind, and funny, and yes he’s wild and carefree, and yes he’s a recovering addict, but those things are just pieces of who he is. If you could look past what you read on the internet, I swear you’ll see the things I see.”
I’m pleading with him now. The thought Dad might make me choose between my father and my boyfriend is corroding through my body like acid. “Please, Dad. Please just give him a chance. He’s not the monster you think he is. He sees me. He loves me. He cherishes me.” I wipe the tears dripping off the tip of my nose. “And like it or not, he is my choice.” I straighten my spine to make my point.
He stays quiet for a long, painfully outstretched moment, before heaving out a sigh. “I just want to keep you safe, Ellie.” The agony in his voice is palpable, making my tears fall harder. “I know I’ve checked out a bit since Mom...” Grief stops him from finishing his sentence, but he glances at her headstone, raw agony painted across his aging features.
“She’s not here to help me make the right calls every time, kiddo. I was so angry after she... she... passed away. I felt like I should keep my anger, my grief, at a distance from you. Once I’d processed it, I didn’t know how to come back.” He’s crying now, too. “I failed you. I know you needed a father when you lost your mother, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to be what you need when I lost everything.”
