“But…”
She sighs. “But I sometimes wonder what if, you know? What if I really loved being a paralegal? What if I went a step further and studied to be a lawyer? What if? What if…? So many what ifs.”
“Why don’t you pivot? Study law instead?”
She laughs. “Raffi, I’m Wyatt’s mom. I can’t do a billion years in college, and be there for him in the way I need to. It’s just not possible.” She pulls away to turn, but I grab her and bring her back to me.
“We’re going to talk about this, over and over until you realize you’re not an island anymore. YouareWyatt’s mom, that’s true. And you’re the best mom he could ever want or need. But you’re not alone. You have support, you just need to lean on it. You have me, my parents, and we have a whole hockey team of friends bewitched by our son. Can you think of one damn thing my teammates wouldn’t move heaven and earth for if Wyatt needed it?”
She snorts. “Nowyou’re okay leaning on your teammates? You’ve had quite the change of heart, mister.” Her brow arches, meaning I’ve lost any ground I had on this one.
“Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
Her brow flinches.
“Don’t be stubborn, either.”
The corner of her lips twitch.
“Please. Think about it. If becoming a paralegal, or at least dipping your toe to see if it’s really what you want, is something you want to do, we’ll make it happen.” I plant a kiss on her forehead. “If we’ve learned anything lately it’s that life’s too short for what ifs. We’ve gotta find our bravery, and make shit happen.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I press on. “Being a mom is a huge part of you, I get that. But that’s not everything you are.”
“Your whole life revolves around Wyatt, Victoria. And I understand why. But what about you?”
Her head cants like she has no idea what language I’m speaking.
“Exactly. You’ve lost yourself.” Another kiss. “Might be time to find yourselfagain.”
“I-I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
When I give her a squeeze, she softens against me. “Oh. I dunno. Applying for a place and a student loan to study to be a paralegal might be a good place to start.”
“Let me think about it.”
In mom-speak that means no. Even I know that one.
“I’m not going to let you let this fade away into obscurity just because you’re afraid.”
Victoria straight up growls. “I’m not afraid.”
Check. Mate. “Prove it.”
CHAPTER 41
Victoria
It’s a Friday night, and we’re both at the gym. Together. For a pump class.
Lauren and Phil are on the stage, benches, bars, and plates ready. The place is packed, there’s not a spare space on the floor, and Raffi’s bouncing on the balls of his feet. Once pump is over, we’re doing a combat class. Back to back thirty minute classes.
Mom’s staying at her new boyfriend’s house, and I love that for her. Wyatt’s at Raffi’s parents’. And with an empty house we could be doing anything in right now, we’re at the fucking gym.
Who am I?
My PCOS symptoms have gotten better since I started taking Metformin and working out at the gym. And while the scales aren’t showing any movement yet, I’m definitely losing inches and building muscle. I needed to buy new jeans a few days ago because I’ve dropped a size.
I’m not hyper-fixating on calorie counting, or pushing myself to go to the gym every day. I’m eating better, sleepingright, drinking water, and exercising a few times a week. I feel better, but for the first time in as long as I can remember, the numbers don’t matter to me.
