“Coda. It hit me right here.” She kneels up and thumps her chest.
“Told you it was an emotional one. You should watchLife as a Housenext. It’s one of my all-time favorite movies.”
“Are you trying to break me?” Her wail draws a few looks from people who are working out around the gym.
“You’ll love it.”
Phil’s pop-culture references are unrivaled. He’s seen more 80s and 90s movies than anyone I know, and he can recitealmost every word of Ferris Bueller off the top of his head. Guy’s a legend.
I open my notes app and write down the two movies they’re talking about so I can watch them later. It’ll give me something else to talk to her about.
Impatience claws at my skin. I want to meet my kid, I want to get to know him, bring him home to meet Mom and Dad, have a relationship with him. But it’s not my call, and if Victoria isn’t ready for me to meet him, I’ve just gotta stay patient. Coming around to the idea that I didn’t abandon them both must be a huge shift in thinking for her. And it’s going to take even longer to convince her she doesn’t need to do everything by herself anymore.
Working out at the gym, personal training, then doing practice or a game is killer, but it’s necessary. I need to train harder, to play better. I’m paying attention to what I eat. Protein bars, protein pancakes—it all tastes like shit. Give me a PB&J any day. But I need to fuel my muscles so I don’t get injured and lose my place on the team.
I’m so tired I fell asleep in the bathroom the other day. One of the guys found me on the shitter, pants around my ankles, and the imprint of the toilet paper holder on my face.
It’s alright for most of them. A lot of them come from money, or have money. They don’t have to worry about keeping their place in college even if they may have had concerns about keeping their place on the team. Some of them are like me, on a scholarship, hard at the grind, counting pennies, and falling asleep in the back of some of my classes.
I’m behind on two assignments, but my professors will give me extensions, I just need to find the time to ask. Everything’s slipping through my fingers, like when you drop a roll of toilet paper and think it won’t travel that far away, then it’s across the room.
My life is currently like fucking toilet paper rolling across the room.
And yet, all I want to do is spend time with Victoria and convince her to give me another chance.
Fuck.
This isn’t good.
I don’t have time for a girlfriend, never mind a readymade family. Wyatt is a toddler, which is probably a lot of work, and yet, I want to teach him about sticks and pucks, about how to line up a shot and skate. Man, I want to teach my kid to skate so badly.
How do people find balance between the things they should do, need to do, and the things they love? Because I’m coming up short across the board, and I’m fucking tired.
“You okay?” Ares levels me with a look that says his question is more than just being polite.
“I’m good. Just tired.”
He nods, but says nothing. We’re gearing up for training on the ice, he’s a weird one at the best of times—comes with the territory of being a goalie—but today he seems on edge for some reason.
Could be me. Maybe I’m projecting, maybe I’m the one who’s on edge, and it just seems like he’s off.
“You know you can talk to us if you need anything, right?” Ares is a playboy, a joker, a fun loving guy who rarely gets serious like this. Am I in the twilight zone?
“Sure. But I’m fine.”
He grabs my arm. “I’ve seen you fine, man. I know you’re not fine. It’s cool if you don’t want to talk to me. We aren’t that close. I’m younger than you. Whatever. But something’sgoing on, and you should talk to someone about it. I’m here if you need me.”
Then he pushes away to bend himself into unreachable positions. My groin winces at some of the saves he pulls off. Like…just how?
Taking a huge bite out of my protein bar almost makes me cry. This shit is for the birds. I need real food. As soon as practice is over, I’m going for a fucking burger. Or nachos. Nachos sound good about now.
The first of today’s drills makes me dizzy as fuck, and even watching my teammates do it makes me want to hurl that gross protein bar back into my helmet. We split into teams, and skate around the edge of the giant circle in the middle of the ice, passing the puck back and forth. It’s a drill designed to work on speed, but so far all it’s doing is making my stomach hurt and dots dance behind my eyes.
The second drill is a three person exercise, in a triangle formation. The person who starts with the puck skates between the other two people, passing the puck to the person at the top of the triangle, takes back possession, then passes it back to the person at the bottom of the triangle, regains possession, then shoots.
Usually, it’s a great passing breakout drill for the whole team, to develop players’ flow, quick one and two touch passes, communication, as well as one timers in the slot.
The skating player—the one who starts with the puck—should focus on keeping their legs moving throughout the entire drill without pausing their crossovers in the pivot. Speedy skating throughout.
