“I don’t think he’s good for you. He’s after something. He’s a trickster, Artemis, he can’t be trusted. I know we’re grown adults, and we make our own decisions…” He doesn’t need to say anymore, that judgment that was missing is now hanging between us like a friggin’ monster ready to claw my eyes out.
“I know what you think.” I snap at my best friend. I swallow. “It doesn’t matter.” If I let it matter, I won’t recover.
Scott studies me like he’s trying to read a language he’s never seen before. “Artemis… do you actually like him?”
The world slants. I put the protein shake back with so much force it almost bursts. “I’m going home.”
“Artemis—”
“I said I’m fine.” I walk away before he can follow, before he can look at me like he sees something I don’t want him to see, something I don’t want anyone to see, even me.
I make it to the car. Sit. Grip the wheel again. My hands still tremble. Xavier’s voice ghosts through my head—laughing, teasing, and warm. I close my eyes.
It can’t happen again. It already has too much power over me. It already hurts. And yet… all I want is to turn the car back onto the interstate and drive back to the man whose ass I filled only hours ago. To say sorry, tell him I’m a fucking mess, and I want to try again.
The thing that stops me is that he deserves more, more than I have time to give him, more than I’m ready to give anyone, just… more than me.
I’ve never been enough, always the spare, the second place, the runner up… but with him? Failure feels more inevitable than usual.
And to punish myself just a little more, I order acinnamon maple latte and go home. Until Xavier crashed into my life, I was a clean eating, lean protein consuming athlete. I wonder what’s turned me into a candy-obsessed preteen like my older sister? No amount of sugar can’t touch this ache in my chest, but it’s the only comfort I’ll allow myself because I can outrun the calories on the ice.
CHAPTER 26
Artemis
It turns out that working eighteen-hour days doesn’t outrun the feeling of being a piece of shit. Nor the sound Xavier made when he came all over the couch.
Despite the fact the people I traditionally sleep with are nameless… faceless… I pride myself on aftercare, on making sure my lover is satisfied, and the more time that passes, the worse I feel. The fact that I left him there—breathless, boneless, trying to catch the pieces I shattered—makes my stomach twist.
Because I was a bastard.
I rake my hands through my hair, pausing about six feet away from my apartment door. Apollo and Edith are out of town for a few days, but the sound of a TV playing and the scent of… is that LP Street Food?
Ay, dios.
One of my siblings is inside my apartment, and they’ve brought the big guns. For a stupid second I imagine Xavier inside instead—bare feet on my rug, smiling like he didn’t know he was wrecking me.
The hint of garlic in the air tells me they’ve ordered myfavorite, everything pretzels. My mouth waters more with each step closer to my front door. If it’s Ares, he’ll have brought pizza puffs—dough filled with beef and sauce, topped with Cotija cheese and herbs—potstickers and poutine. He likes alliteration.
If it’s Hen, she’ll have brought the pimento cheese dip and the peel and eat shrimp—her taste is somewhat more refined than our youngest brother. I stare at the door.
For me? They’ll have also brought the buffalo cheese curds, pork belly street tacos, chilli cheese tots, and… ugh. Fuck. The thing that might send me over the edge and make me actually walk inside and face whoever is here to tell me to stop working and start taking better care of myself?
The cream cheese filled churro bites. I bite my knuckle to smother the building groan, but it does little to drown out my growling stomach.
I hate how well my siblings know me. It highlights how easy it would be for Xavier to know me too, if I ever let him closer than my hands on his hips and my lips on his.
And yet… I also kind of love how well they know me, almost as much as I love the spiced chocolate sauce that comes with the churro bites. I bet Xavier would fuckinglovethe churro bites. And everything else that’s waiting for me behind this closed door. Fuck, everything reminds me of him.
Except, it’s no longer closed. It swings open, revealing my youngest, and most meddlesome brother. “Get the fuck in off the street.” He’s so dramatic.
“Hardly the street.” I gesture to the lavish hallway between my apartment and my twin’s. “Even a couch out here.” My whole body tightens, the kind of bracing you do before a hit on the ice that you know you deserve.
He rolls his eyes, stepping back to let me in as he coughs “pussy,” under his breath. I shoulder him as I pass, makingsure he still knows I can kick his ass if I feel like it. Or, you know, if I had the energy.
“Can you at least let me eat before you lecture me?” I’d rather chew through cardboard than talk about Xavier with anyone carrying my last name. I’m already ripping open the container of buffalo cheese bites and cramming them into my mouth like I’m playing fluffy bunny. If my mouth is too full, Ares can’t expect me to answer him.
Instead of saying anything back, he saunters right into my space and flicks me between the eyes. This fucking guy.
