When it became clear that I was becoming more of a hindrance than a help, I braved the dining room and enlisted some more extra hands to move the tables yet again so the food that came out could be set up like a buffet. It could have been awkward, what with me turning into a feeble, sniffling wreck in front of these people but I reverted to my standard behaviour in these situations and brazened it out. I may have still been feeling like making an igloo out in the grounds and staying in it until my mum finally came home but to the guests, I was back to being a cheerful, if not particularly efficient, member of staff.
And as the food started to arrive and I provided drinks and put on the music in the bar, opening up the connecting doors to the dining room so the guests could move freely between them, I began to believe that maybe everything really was going to be okay. At least for today.
Whether it was because of the bizarre circumstances, or the events I’d put on over the last few days – or perhaps a combination of both – the guests were truly mingling. Laughing and chatting as they ate, and the kids were running around hiding under tables and getting out their toys to play with. I hovered by the bar until it looked like everyone was done eating and then I went to clear up, collecting plates around the room as people started dancing. Matilda and Olive began jiving to ‘Run, Run Rudolf’, hitching their long skirts up and forgetting their usual bickering as they clutched hands and spun around each other. Noelle dragged Julius Mundey out to join in and I almost dropped all the plates I was carrying when he actually gave in and started dancing too.
I thought of Nick and dancing at the festival and about the prospect of getting to dance with him at Geri and Lisa’s party. I pressed my hand to my stomach as though I might be able to still the armada of butterflies assailing my digestive system.
They still hadn’t made it downstairs. And I tried not to watch the door for him as I set out board games in the library and put the TV on the channel streaming back-to-back Christmas classics in the lounge. I set out complimentary nibbles and arranged some chairs around a table in the corner of the dining room as an area for the kids to get out some of their craft and activity box sets they’d been given.
They asked me to join in with them and I got lost making paper dolls. They didn’t follow the instructions at all, just created whatever they wanted – snowmen, penguins, princesses and monsters. When they ran out of figures, I told them that I knew of an angel who needed a makeover and excused myself to run upstairs and get her.
On my way across the room, Jane hurried up to me and I braced myself for the start of the complaints, but no, she just wanted to take a photo of me. Then she was off again and so was I.
The place was bustling and genuinely merry. Despite the lingering smell of smoke in the back staircase it was enough to have me smiling. On my way back down with the angel, I slipped through the door onto the second floor, deciding that I could afford to check on the Cartwrights for five minutes. They might need something. Some food or drinks.
Stephen was coming out of their nan’s room as I approached.
He stopped and folded his arms over his chest, like a guard. My pace slowed and I came to a halt before I reached the door.
‘How’s your nan?’
‘Not well enough to help cook dinner.’
My mouth opened. I guess Nick had mentioned that.
‘Oh, I wasn’t coming here to ask that. In fact, the other guests all pitched in and we managed to put on a spread. I thought you all might be hungry.’
‘So, you got other people to help?’
‘Well, they offered, and everyone needs to eat…’ I trailed off. ‘Have I done something to annoy you? You seem a bit off with me.’
He frowned and glanced back at the door.
‘Sorry,’ he said shortly. ‘Just a bit tense I suppose.’
‘That’s understandable.’
‘I was coming down to get something to eat and bring some back up for them too. I’ll walk down with you.’
I hadn’t been intending to walk down without seeing Nick first, but I could take a hint. Stephen didn’t want me to disturb them, so I nodded and led the way downstairs. We walked in silence, which was a first when I was around Stephen, but it was a tough day for him.
When we got down to the lobby, the noise from music and excited chatter was louder than I remembered. Stephen raised his eyebrows.
‘This has turned into quite the party.’
‘Yeah. Yeah, it has.’ I tugged Angelica’s dress a little straighter and allowed myself a moment of pride. It had turned out all right in the end because I’d been brave enough to be honest with them. I had made some mistakes, without a doubt, but I’d also done enough things right that the guests didn’t think I was a complete idiot. Iwasn’ta complete idiot. If it had been any time other than Christmas, I doubt it would’ve gone so well, but the festive spirit had encouraged the guests’ forgiving nature and camaraderie and I was very pleased about it. ‘There’ll be a lot to clear up. But it’s worth it, to see everyone having a good time.’
‘This will make a good story for Nick.’
I cocked my head to the side. ‘When you go up and tell him about it?’
‘Yes…but I meant for him to write about in his blog.’
It was like trying to understand someone talking to me in a different language for a moment. I could hear the sounds of the words, but my brain refused, initially, to understand what he was saying.
‘I’ll go grab some food then, see you later maybe.’ Stephen disappeared and I hardly noticed.
When I was ten, I was racing down a steep hill on my bike, pushing myself too fast, trying to keep up with my friends, and I hit a pothole. My bike flipped and I went flying. The journey through the air, separate from my bike, seemed to take a long time – the sky above me grey and grim as I waited to connect with the ground, knowing it was going to hurt. That was this moment as I struggled to understand.
